b3ta.com user Filthy narwhal
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Profile for Filthy narwhal:
Profile Info:

Hello, you look lovely today, and you smell grreat.
my real name is Andrew,
I like trees, pork scratchings, tea and fluffehs.
I don't like pretension, radishes and diet food.

I have many childrens, so no time for the learnings of the photoshop-
you be nice.
unless it's really shite.

Recent front page messages:

hello dave

Click for bigger (98 kb)

(Thu 9th Sep 2010, 10:43, More)

Best answers to questions:

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

here be monsters
when I was a nipper I was obsessed with myths and monsters, my bible at the time was the usbourne book of monsters that had all sorts of facts, bigfoot sightings, grendel, the kraken etc.. and narwhals. Imagine my face last year as I walk into the grand hall of the museum of Zoology in Cambridge with a very audible 'what the f***?'
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 19:20, More)

» Irrational Hatred

i've never seen so much bile on this board,
And I agree with so, so many of you.
My biggest hatred is of hugely obese people that use those mobility scooters because they're too fat to walk about. I don't know why, but nothing else offends me more than seeing them.
(Tue 5th Apr 2011, 10:55, More)

» House Guests

destruction derby
a first, I'll try to keep it short.
Some years ago, a hard of luck workmate and a nice guy lost his home and was stuck, moved into our spare room (rent free) and half filled the garage while our children were put together 'just for a bit'. over the next seven (that's right) months he lost his job, and another, and another. Borrowed about £450 because he was embarrased to go back home to mum and dad at the age of 35 (we didn't see that again). Inexplicably still got pissed a lot though. three weeks in he was given an old vw golf by a mate so he could get a driving job, this didn't start one day and sat on our drive for almost a year. after we eventually turfed him out, I tried for three months to get contact before selling some fishing gear and his alloys left in the garage, (£400- thank you.) the coup de grace was having a friend take the golf and make it a banger for a local destruction derby. we filmed this, and eventually he came back looking for the car I gave him the tape and watched his face. Well worth the extra £50. wish i'd filmed that too.
(Mon 10th Jan 2011, 17:16, More)

» Irrational Hatred

Dog owners! not picking up shit?
It's truly vile, and if I ever see you doing it, and not collecting when challenged, I will mash it, still warm, in your face.
(Tue 5th Apr 2011, 10:58, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

trust is a terrible thing.
Some years ago I worked in a community teaching the gospel and evangalising various schools and unis across this fair land. I lived in a new part of this community situated in a wing of a convent girls school. Now, I know what you're thinking but apart from a few cheeky glances I avoided the pupils. all was well until a lovely petite blonde started alongside me. We worked well together, on and off stage, and started getting serious, despite such things being forbidden. it was at this point that as we'd behaved ourselves in the eyes of sister bernard (older nuns still have male saints names) that the allowed us out of school hours use of the facilities. Now the basketball, tennis court, and pool were ours to use. yes, a pool. Blondie and I started 'swimming' almost every time we got and were interrupted a few times forcing us to actually swim. one night, during underwater coitus sister michael, a lovely ancient and thankfully very badly sighted old nun came in through the unlockable (and very rarley used) door to their quarters to ask if after swimming could I please come and see them as the fuse box or somesuch was playing up. She stayed and chatted for a few minutes, then left, oblivious to both the other locked doors and the fact we were both completley naked. we stopped swimming after that, and stayed in our rooms giggling about the missionary position. The school's shut now and I still can't see a nun without smiling.
(Wed 7th Sep 2011, 13:48, More)
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