» Babysitters

Don't look out of the window ...
I used to babysit for my next door neighbour Mads and her husband from when I was about 13 til I went away to uni. Mads was wild and used to say things like 'my vibrator's in the top right drawer if you need it' and when I was older 'you know if you had a boyfriend he could sleep with you here' (I often used to stay overnight as they used to stay out really late).

Anyhow, one night I was watching tv, which was on a chest right in front of a window looking out onto the dark garden - no curtains but they weren't needed because it was so dark outside and the house wasn't overlooked. And what came on the tv? Only fucking 'Halloween', that's what. Did I crap myself or what?

I also had some of the best wanks of my horny teenage life when I found where they hid their porn mags (Didn't use her vibrator, though I did think about it ...)
(Fri 29th Oct 2010, 14:28, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

Captain Experience
I'm an archaeologist and worked on an excavation of a Neolithic long barrow (Hazleton, fact fans) in 1982. It was a fantastic summer - great weather, good digging, lots of booze and a great crew. Apart from one twat, who we all called Captain Experience. He was 19 and there was nothing he hadn't done. We soon got fed up with his bullshit and decided to get one over on him.

We were camping in the field where the site was, and set up a scenario that he would walk in to the catering caravan and catch me and some others snorting a white powder. We knew he'd have to have a go. So in he comes, spies the line, asks for the roll and hoovers it all up. The whole line, the greedy bastard. He went a bit green and ran out, was violently ill, and left the dig the same day.

Silly sod didn't notice the blue flecks. It was Vim. Still makes me chuckle.
(Fri 14th Jan 2011, 10:45, More)