b3ta.com user Appleseed
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» Wanking Disasters Part II

When I was 15, and at school
a lad in my year had a real fixation with his genitals (who hasn't at 15) but was very 'open' about it.
He'd often flop it out in class to amuse/annoy/disgust the girls (I later learned that he did it in order to seperate the 'give outs' from the 'fridges' as he put it)
Anyways, one day he came to school and described a wanking incident that had happened to him that very morning.
He'd woken up with a 'wigwam' and so decided to knock one out before having a shower. Getting 'close' he peeps out across the landing from his bedroom, sees that it's deserted and makes a run for the bathroom whilst at vinegar stroke stage (to aim it straight into the bog, he says)
He reaches to toilet with perfect timing and ejaculates - over his mother who was sat there having a shit.
(Thu 17th Feb 2011, 16:35, More)

» Broken Promises

In the song 'wake me up before you go go' George Michael sang "i'm not planning on going solo"
Then look what the cunt went and did.
No wonder Andrew Ridgley doesn't talk to him.
(Sun 5th Dec 2010, 22:30, More)

» The Naughty Step

My mother
had a brilliant way of dishing out punishment.
It was the 80s and I was a teenager who'd given her some lip over something or other. She removed her flip-flop (or flop-flip if you're left handed)and came after me, but I out-ran her, flicking the digit as I went.
A whole 8 hours later as I sat eating my tea, she walked up behind me and whacked me round the head, knocking me off my chair.
"You may have bad memory, but I haven't" was all she said as she calmly walked away.
(Mon 11th Feb 2013, 14:03, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

Not a very
interesting one, but it does have a twist.
Many years ago during summer, I was struggling with loosening the wheelnuts on my car. During this episode, and having cursed and sworn about the fool who'd previously tightened them, my wheelbrace slipped causing me to lose quite a lot of skin from my knuckles.

I threw down the wheelbrace and started hopping around the garden 'fucking and cunting' it quite loudly.

No-one saw what I did, but the neighbours (who had not long fired up their BBQ) had to retreat into the house about 20 mins later - not because of my swearing but because it absolutely pissed down with rain. I'd clearly done a rain dance whilst nursing my injury.
(Sun 30th Jan 2011, 21:37, More)

» Books

The Magic Faraway Tree
by Enid Blyton was a book I read many times as a child, not realising the subtle piss-takes of the author by giving 2 of the child characters names like 'Dick' and 'Fanny', not to mention the 'tripping' story itself.
I now realise, as an adult, that Enid Blyton must have been into some right heavy shit drugs as she was writing books.
(Fri 6th Jan 2012, 20:19, More)
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