b3ta.com user Woodlouse
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» B3ta Person of the Year 2010

This man

For carrying out an action that lead to the most unlikely sentence ever being written out in the international press.

"A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said."
(Thu 16th Dec 2010, 15:33, More)

» Sporting Woe

A simple 9 hole game, par was 27 but that was so easy I'd beaten it by the third hole. My final score was a staggering 81, higher than anyone elses by more than double and the bastards still had the nerve to say I'd lost.
(Thu 19th Apr 2012, 21:18, More)

» Overheard secrets

I've just waxed me vagina and it's gone all red!
Said a girl on the next table one night in Torquay.

It was hardly a secret though as she then got onto the table and spread her legs so her friends could see.

It was soooo classy.
(Thu 25th Aug 2011, 22:49, More)

» Break-up Stories

I knew a girl once. Took her to see India.
At the Oval.

Wish I could remember her name though. She's still got my wallet...
(Fri 13th Sep 2013, 12:25, More)

» Utterly Drunk

Breakfast at the pub? Good idea!
After a reasonable night out in the capitol a friend and I thought that the finest way to cap it all off the following morning was by going out for a good old full english. The pub we chose was managed by a friend of ours so at just after midday (obviously a late start) we sit down at the bar and order breakfast. Then my eye is caught by a sign.

"Our lovely bloody mary's will make everything better or your money back*

*Dirty, filthy lie, still pretty ace though!"

I liked this sign, and I felt a little worse for ware after the previous night, a bloody mary sounded like just the ticket even if reimbursement wasn't ever going to be an option so we ordered doubles and began.

One bloody mary became two, then three and eventually five. By this point we were getting drunk again and even though it was only about three, shots seemed like a great idea. Shots followed by cider, then beer.

Eventually it was five, and ever increasing phone calls were indicating that I had to be elsewhere, so I asked if I could settle the afternoon's tab.

'That'll be £126....' She taps a couple of buttons... 'Actually, that'll be £80 please.'

Much appreciation, statements of intention of repeating the occasion and thanks ensued.

Then all I had to do was stagger my why back through London, home. Where my girlfriend had been sat outside my front door. For an hour and a half, because we were supposed to be getting on a train to go and see my parents and the rest of my family.

She was probably angry, buggered if I can remember though.
(Mon 18th Feb 2013, 20:00, More)
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