» Little Victories

No way wont be doing that
Long story short but bank mislaid a sizable cash lodgement and when questioned denied all knowledge. After a lot of searching I managed to locate the stamped receipt. I was a bit annoyed as if I hadn't found that bit of paper that was the last I would ever heard of it. I asked for a small gesture to me for my trouble and a €100 for a local charity. Following consultation with the manager they made a small gesture to me but replied "No way (laugh laugh) we wont be doing that" to the request for a charitable donation. By a coincidence I was going to be a guest speaker on a national radio station that evening. When I asked him (trying to provoke the arrogant bo*l*x) "do you know who I am?" he replied "No go on tell me" in his most sarcastic voice. I advised him to treat every customer like a VIP until he knew better and to listen in at the arranged time. He was obviously shocked to hear his and his managers name read out by me wishing them all the best, and the next day I got a groveling two page apology from the manager and a receipt for the charitable donation. Oh yes that gave me a warm feeling.
(Mon 14th Feb 2011, 17:00, More)

» Wanking Disasters Part II

Hotel Breakfast Buffet
The attractive Coffee server at the Hotel Buffet breakfast was getting more than her fair share of oogling as she busied herself tottering between the tables offering top ups, but it wasn't until she moved on from our table that my colleague explained her look of utter disgust as she topped up both our cups.
The previous evening we had been karting and I had picked up an agonising injury to my hand which prevented me cutting a bread roll in half without clamping it between my fore arm and thigh and sawing it with my one good arm. If i'd been sitting in the middle of the room I would have just looked like a retard but with both arms covered by the table cloth a totally different image was completed. I kept both hands above the table when she was around for the remainder of the stay.
(Thu 17th Feb 2011, 13:50, More)

» Easiest Job Ever

Footie gate man
Stand on pitch at footie match beside gate. If the stand went on fire my job was to open the gate and let the (other) supporters onto the pitch.
In three years there never was a fire. Even better view than the Manager.
(Sun 12th Sep 2010, 21:24, More)

» "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"

I'll never forget the look on his face
As a young garage apprentice I was dropped into town to collect a customers Brand new 7 series BMW with all the bells and whistles. As it was late in the evening I was to bring it home and in to the garage first thing in the morning.
That evening our scout troop were meeting with a foreign visitor who was helping us plan our foreign summer camp. Foreign visitor was obviously some important bod and a friend of his who was a pillar of the National business community showed up and invited us to a dinner in the Posh hotel where foreign visitor (FV) was staying. When I arrived in my monster car at the hotel, the car park was jammed full so I wound down the window and asked the porter if he had "a little spot where I could squeeze this thing in" and he proceeded to move some cones from right out side the entrance porch and in a rare moment of generosity i gave him £5.
When about twelve of us sat down to dinner i ended up across from pillar of the business community(PBC). Being full of his own importance he spouted on about how great a bloke he was and all the great things he had done. He frequently shouted to FV at the far end of the table with "hey FV i'm just telling the lads here about the time we were in Geneva" and similar antics. PBC then spent the entire desert course regaling us with the story of the recent delivery of his brand new 3 series BMW. I pretended to be impressed and encouraged him to tell us more. His best line being "the ABS has saved my life already" explaining how it was so powerful you didn't notice when you were going fast and how a tractor had come out of a gate and he had to brake and steer at the same time.
With the meal ( and the party political broadcast on behalf of PBC) over people were going there separate ways. It had started to lash rain and as people were going to have to make a run for it to avoid getting soaked, goodbyes were being said in the shelter of the Hotel porch when the porter recognised me from earlier and offered to escort me to my car with his umbrella when I was ready.
I accepted his offer and as he removed the cones to allow me reverse back across the entrance I wound down my window and gestured farewell to my comrades. I will never forget the look of realisation on PBC's face for as long as I live.
(Thu 10th Feb 2011, 11:03, More)

» DIY Surgery

Finger Surgery
During a hockey match I became entangled in the wire meshing that surrounds the pitch. As I stood up and dusted my self down I noticed my right little finger pointing in the wrong direction. Assuming it must be dislocated I pulled it as hard as I dared and then straightened and released it. Decided to play on. 24hrs later it was purple so went and had it x-rayed, reading the x-ray showed it broken and not correctly in place so I was referred to an orthopaedic surgeon. As I left the doctor had that "I'd rather you than me look on his face" and wished me luck. Due to some previous commitments I didn't follow the urgent referral but made an appointment for the following Tuesday in the local hospital fracture clinic. Meanwhile following a close examination of my copy of the x-ray decided to have a go at giving it a "tweak" myself. It immediately felt better and when x-rayed at the clinic it was perfectly aligned. 7 years in medical school..... what's all that about?
(Tue 25th Jan 2011, 9:32, More)