b3ta.com user FUGAZI100
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» Conversation Killers

In my pal's car...
...driving back to his house when we see a girl on the pavement. He says quite loudly, "ooooft, check out the arse on her."

It was his sister. Five minute drive felt like 2 days.
(Sat 14th May 2011, 0:47, More)

» Wanking Disasters Part II

Court Case
This didn't involve me but happened in my home town of Greenock and was reported in the newspaper.

Two cleaners were going to a job at 5am when they saw a man wanking up at his window. Shocked, they called the fuzz and the man was arrested.

The court case came up and the cleaners were asked what hand he was using to chug with. They both said the right.

The guy got off (way-hay) with it as his lawyer highlighted that because Mr.X was left handed he couldn't possibly have been masturbating.

As soon as the verdict was announced I asked my mates what hand they used for self gratification and some south paws used the right and some righty's used their left. The UK justice system eh!
(Fri 18th Feb 2011, 12:24, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

Porn in School
First B3ta post here. When I was in first year at my secondary school, like most lads I was getting into girls. Porn viewing had only just started but it wasn't proper porno as I still found actual vaginas to be quite weird to look at. Anyhow...I combined my new found interest in girls with my existing interest of WWF wrestling.

I found this amazing photo of Trish Stratus in her underwear and felt compelled to print it off. For whatever reason I decided that this photo was worthy of a wider audience and so took it into school. I took it out at P.E. and showed one other guy (a guy I knew like wrestling and would therefore appreciate it). I got ready for P.E. and left the changing room. Next thing I know, the teacher hauls me in asking why I have brought pornography into school. Some cunt called "Alza" had pulled the pic out of my bag and pretended to shag it. Caught.

I was dragged into the P.E. office and told to explain myself. I somehow bullshitted the teacher into believing that the photo had been put in my bag as a prank by my cousin. What he didn't know is that the cousin didn't exist and that he had been outsmarted by a nervous 12 year old.
(Fri 14th Jan 2011, 16:04, More)

» Creepy!

My ex girlfriend...
I went out one night with my now ex-girlfriend and her pals from Uni. They were talking about this lecturer who was quite nice and how they all kinda fancied him. Harmless stuff. I then mention about how I read somewhere about how teachers and lecturers often attract a lot of attention, especially from female students, as the nature of their job makes them appear confident and intelligent.

My ex then in passing says "Yeah that does happen, I mean, I had sex with one of my teachers after I left school."

I know it shouldn't have but for some reason it really creeped me out. It seemed like such an abuse of power. This was later heightened when I saw the guy who lives across the street from me kiss a girl who looked really young. He is a teacher and is married and this girl was definitely of school going age.
(Fri 8th Apr 2011, 0:23, More)