» It's Not What It Looks Like!

it looked a lot better then it actually was
when my sister and i were teenagers our nan, who lived alone, was very ill so my mum and auntie were taking it in turns to stay with her,mum during the week but on fridays the aunt, who lived in london would come and take over for the weekend, one particular w/end the aunt couldn't make it so thinking that mum would be gone sister and i decided to do what all good teenagers should and throw a party,
we decided that the safest course of action to minimise damage would be to remove all breakable items - including a very large collection of china ornaments from their shelves in the living room, stash them in mums bedroom and lock her door - however said ornaments had gotten dusty on the shelves and so on friday afternoon as we were taking them down we were washing them in a bowl of water...as we're doing this we hear a key in the front door and then mum calling out that she was home as auntie iris had made it down...my sister and i are exchanging horrified looks over the bowl of water and assorted ornaments around us on the floor as our mum walks in the living room - sees what we are doing and says "oh you girls, you girls... at which point the phone rings, off she goes to answer it and we hear her telling whoever it was what wonderful daughters she has because she came home early to find us cleaning her ornaments and it was a bit of a shame she had ruined the 'surprise' we were clearly planning for her and how happy we made her

me and me sister weren't too happy spending the evening at either ends of our road sending would-be partygoers away tho
(Sat 11th Dec 2010, 6:04, More)

» It's Not What It Looks Like!

one more then ill shut up !
...until i think of another
when my son was about 5 or 6 my mate paul took him to his first football match, paul said that as they are getting near the ground son said he needed the loo so they went into some public toilets, which were empty at first, paul helps son who tells him that when he's excited he wees very fast then decides to use the facilites himself, paul is using the urinal with son stood next to him and just as another person walked in son said "i can see you're very excited uncle paul..."
(Sat 11th Dec 2010, 6:21, More)

» It's Not What It Looks Like!


background info:
my grown up mixed race son has inherited his mothers warped sense of humour and therefore had decided to go to a halloween party as a slave complete with a very realistic fake ball and chain

i had ordered a new sofa, which i had arranged for a courier through u-ship to collect for me once it was ready
the night before the day it was arriving son decided to crash on sofa in backroom/kitchen as he had been out until early hours, but knew that when it arrived (expected at 9.30) he was going to have to help carry it into house
8am - knock on door - i answer half asleep and expecting postman but it is (very early and very black) courier, i mutter that i need a coffee (he'd driven from london so im guessin he does too) and he follows me through to kitchen....first thing he notices - sons drumkit "who plays the drums?"...second thing he notices - slave ball and chain which son has left hung on hi-hat - at which point son emerges from under throw on sofa stands up n says "mine.....
(Sat 11th Dec 2010, 3:55, More)