b3ta.com user jerpster
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despotic heroic stoic and broke

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» The Police II

i had a healthy criminal record, but thanks to the rehabilitation of offenders act im now record free.

this story is one of the few times i was actually innocent. walking home from the pub late on night, me and a couple of mates cut through an industrial estate. we came across a huge lorry with a bloke inside the cab, and my mate jumped up and asked him for a lift home. the driver said yes, so the three of us climbed into the cab. this is where we should have smelt a rat. the driver was fiddling about under the steering column for a while, seemingly looking for something. while this was going on a police car drove past, turned and parked behind the lorry. the driver said, let me handle them, got out and there we sat for 5 minutes till a copper opened the door and told us we were all nicked!

turns out the 'driver' was stealing the truck and when the old bill turned up, he had it away on his toes with the 2 coppers chasing him. they lost him and headed back to the truck where 3 drunks were patiently sitting waiting for a lift home. we all got arrested but released in the morning without charge.

(Tue 10th May 2011, 14:50, More)

» Nights Out Gone Wrong

amsterdam madness
my brother took me to the 'dam for my birthday a few years ago. we got smashed on weed and lots of lovely beer. as we were walking around the canals a skinny junkie walked backwards into my brother and claimed he hasd knocked his coke out of his hand and was demanding money to replace it. we carried on walking with this skinny twat trying his luck until we reached the side of the canal, where the junkie started to get mad and reached into his pocket. i panicked, thinking he had a knife so in a knee-jerk reaction i punched him straight in the kisser....and proceeded to fall into the canal. from out of nowhere 2 other lads came running over and kicked off (they must have been his mates and watching) so we beat the crap out of them as well and legged it.

later in the night i took my brother to visit a prostitute and told him i would wait outside. after just 20 minutes he was being thrown out for puking over the hooker while she gave him a blowjob.

neither of us remember the rest of the night after then, but i woke with no shoes and t shirt, and never got them back.

(Fri 25th Mar 2011, 13:10, More)