b3ta.com user Clit Ninja
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Clit Ninja:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

Doggy Style
Flamingoland again.

I’m trying to impress the bosses daughter who fancies herself as a self-styled marketing director.

Now, thinking she might show me her bum I decide that a good photo shoot would be if I don the Sherlock hound costume and pretend to go on the wild mouse ride!

My logic here cannot be argued with – as the ladies on here can confirm - a man dressed a 6 foot 5 dog always makes them get their bums out!

For those lucky many who have not had the displeasure of wearing a costumed character you cannot see a fucking thing out of that massive head. You are relying on your ‘handler’ to keep you out of trouble, stop kids kicking you in the nuts and pulling your tail. And you’re not allowed to speak ‘in case you kill the magic’.

So I walk – hand in hand with said bosses daughter and get on the wild mouse ride – all goes well at first a few photos and job done I think.

No – the ride operator says “fancy a trip round” – no arse shown yet so I thought I’d better do it.

The car sets off with Sherlock Hound in it. It climbs up the hill (enter roller coaster noise ‘clickety clack clickety clack’). Unfortunately the wild mouse ride is a bit wild and it was such a huge task to stop my dog head falling off that I forgot about the photos.

The only ones they got was of Sherlock Hound coming back into the station slumped down in the car like a sack of shit with his head lob sided and slighty twisted.

Safe to say none of the photos were used – and no bum shown either!
(Sat 11th Jun 2011, 21:38, More)

» Irrational Hatred

Plant Pots
Twating Plant Pot blew behind the gate - and hid there.

I kick gate open on my way to bin with a handful of rubbish. Plant pot thinks "I'll ave this fucker" and bounces the gate back into my face.

Sore nose, rubbish all over my shoes and look like a twat.

Plant pot now smashed and in bin! 1-1
(Fri 1st Apr 2011, 21:17, More)

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

They're in safe hands alright!
Last one – I think the rest should come under a ‘work QOTW’

It’s the summer of 1996 – I’m a ride operator at Flamingoland on the ‘Go-Gater’ children’s roller coaster and generally having a laugh with the kiddies and ogling the mothers.

One day my beloved go-gater comes of the track slightly and I have to close it. It turns out one of the wheels (the little jumbo skateboard looking ones you get underneath the track to hold the car on) has worn out and allowed the back end to ‘step out’ a bit – whoops made a good screeching noise though!

I help the fixer man mend my little baby and we’re under way again.

Children loving it – some parents pleased for them and some just glad to be rid of them for a couple of mins.

As the car goes round I notice something in the other side of the track. I wait for the car to go through the station – and give the kids a high five as they pass me – then leap over the track into the ‘no-mans land’ in the centre of the ride.

The parents look on wondering what started this mystical behaviour.

Imagine their joy when I pop back onto the station platform with the broken wheel the fixer left behind in my hand like the heart of a conquered savage!
(Mon 13th Jun 2011, 8:43, More)

» Trolls

I went across this bridge tiny.cc/qv8x6

The wooden boards made a clickety clack sound as I travelled over it.

On the other side was a short, old creature wearing some kind of yellow cloth which seemed to glow in the daylight. As I approached him, I got scared at the sight of his shining footwear and corduroy trousers. He signalled me to stop - 'shit' I thought 'He's going to eat my brains, or kick me in the spuds - or worse tell me off for driving over his bridge'

"Cross my palm with 40 new pennies please" said the creature.

" I've only got a quid" said I

"that'll do I've got change" and he handed be back 60p and a receipt which said Aldwark Bridge.

I carried on with my journey - 40 pence lighter.

Looking at it now - he must have been a troll!

What a bastard.
(Tue 24th May 2011, 13:34, More)

» Why will you burn in hell?

One Way Ticket Booked!!
its been a while so go gently...

I was 16 years old and at a house party at someones house (who I probably didn't know) who's parents were away. Que the obligatory underage booze-fest!

Anyway whilst stumbling around the house I happened upon an unconscious girl - I should have covered her up and made sure she was OK, but I just couldn't pass up on this chance of some fresh finger sniffing action!

I shoved my hand down her nickers - only to find an old school fanny rag - it was like a fucking huge albino rat - horrible.

Anyway - I thought fuck it, ripped the rat out of there and finger rapped her right there for a good 5 seconds!!

she was probably under-age as well!

regrets - loads but not that!! Rock and roll!
(Mon 16th Jul 2012, 19:02, More)
[read all their answers]