» Claims to Fame

Royal Claim to Fame
Whilst I was at Uni, the Physics and Engineering block was opened by the Queen and as part of her tour of the facilities, we had to be all smart and clever and do experiments so that she could wander around and ask daft questions. Anyway, I'd been smoking a little that morning and lo and behold her Madge comes over to me and asks me to explain what I'm doing. "Fuck" I think to myself, "I don't bloody understand this shit, I'm a first year", anyway I opened my mouth and suddenly this arcane knowledge of Astro-physics starts spouting out of my food hole. "I'm doing an experiment to measure the speed of Quasars" says I, impressed with my ability to talk shit at a moments notice. "How lovely" says her Madge, then the bombshell... "What is a Quasar?" Shit... not even Steven Hawking could answer this one without some serious bovine excretia. But my mouth starts moving, I don't remember what I said, I only know that my Professor is looking impressed and I don't know how to stop, but I do remember that after about 5 minutes her Madge is looking like she needs a piss and her lady in waiting, who I'm convinced is a secret agent is looking at me like she's going to blow her cover and rip my head off if I don't shut up. Anyway, the upshot is that Cardiff Uni has a photo of her Madge looking bored, me looking like a right twat and a large Alsation being rather too interested in my trousers, which luckily had nothing other than me in them at the time. So the upshot of my tale? The Queen still knows fuck all about Quasars, I'm probably on some sort of government list somewhere. The moral? When the Queen asks you a question you don't know the answer to just smile and nod and say "Your Majesty" alot and try not to talk as much shit as I did.
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 10:28, More)

» Claims to Fame

Near Miss for fame, not for my testicles
I'd almost managed to block this one out but, my school (all of it as it was a poxy little village primary) was invited to be part of the audience on the Really Wild Show, the day before came and our games teacher managed to smack me in the bollocks with a cricket ball when he was demonstrating a fast ball. Bastard... anyway, I didn't end up on the show as I was in Hospital with a testicle the size of a coconut. I imagine nowadays I could sue for that, but back then they were more innocent times, times where a games teacher could get away with hospitalising a pupil without anyone asking any questions... wankers...
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 14:21, More)

» Getting Old

Getting old is hitting milestones
Last year I turned 36, the kids that went to University last year were born in the year I went to University.
I also keep saying that A levels are getting easier so at least I'm not tangenting too wildly yet.
(Wed 13th Jun 2012, 21:37, More)