b3ta.com user Ghostlight
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Profile for Ghostlight:
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A major lurker who has loads of ideas for amusing posts after about six pints but can't be arsed doing them the following morning!
Wear glasses, like cats and kittens.

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Best answers to questions:

» Kids

Elephants and my nephew
Brilliant QOTW! At last I can talk about my nephew.

Danny is about seven now and one of those quiet sensitive children. He's very generous, looks after his younger sister and is a nominated 'friend' at school (where he patrols the playground looking for 'sad' children on their own. Bless!). But once he gets into his element he's a damn funny little kid.

A number of years ago, I visited my brother and his wife and when I left some time later little Danny wanted to give me a picture. He handed me a piece of card, about three inches by two inches, and it was painted completely grey.

"That's lovely Danny!", says I, "What is it?"
"It's an elephant uncle Ghostlight", replies he.

Well, I couldn't see the elephant, just grey-painted card. I thought it might have been one of those things I did at school where you loaded paper with a half inch thick layer of different coloured paint and then etched a picture out of it. Apart from the brush strokes of Danny's artistic masterpiece, I could not see the elephant.

After a while I had to admit to defeat and saw the big eyes of my nephew looking up at me sadly, waiting for his praise.

"I can't see the elephant though..." I said after a while.

Danny held his hand demonstrably to his face, a couple of inches from his eyes and in a hushed yet triumphant voice said:

"It is a picture of an elephant, but it's really REALLY close..."

I collapsed in tears of laughter and have dining out on the anecdote ever since!
(Fri 18th Apr 2008, 12:55, More)

» Festivals

I've been to a festival...
...a farmer's market food festival. A friend of mine tripped over but she was fine. I bought some mustard. It was fab.
(Fri 5th Jun 2009, 11:43, More)

» Pet Stories

I love my cat

Here are some facts:

She's called Floyd and is a very fluffy tortoise shell thing and completely bonkers. She's also the biggest tart on the planet. Where I used to live Floyd was able to climb out the window and sit on the wall outside, whoring herself every time a couple of old ladies walked past.

She once went 'walkabout' and I didn't see her for a week. Turned out she was in the flat upstairs, gaining entry through a bathroom window whilst the young lady occupant was in the bath.

She has the killer instinct of a boiled potato and the only 'spoils of war' she has ever brought me was a dead leaf and a feather. Although she does like fighting, as long as there is a suitable barrier between us. Otherwise she runs off.

Most of the floors in my house are polished wood and hours of fun can be had watching her power slide round corners.

She loves fish and thinks nothing of sticking her paws on my plate whilst I'm eating. She goes mental for silver foil.

She once taught her only kitten how to jump on to things, misjudged the height and fell arse over tit back to earth, with the very impressed kitten looking on. She turned with an expression that said: "Now son, that's how NOT to jump on to things..."

Not a very interesting story but I wanted to get a photo of my cat on to B3TA...
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 21:13, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

John Craven
As a nipper, I always used to get confused when watching John Craven's Newsround when he was talking about gorillas fighting in some unheard of African province. I wondered how difficult it would be to train a gorilla to hold a gun, let alone fire one. It wasn't until years later that I learned what a guerilla was...
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 15:46, More)

» Kids

My adopted niece
My girlfriend's sister and brother-in-law have a lovely little daughter that has just turned two and she is the most amazingly together and funny child I've ever met.

Her dad, Alan, is a real 'rough diamond' petrol head into building and racing rally cars and swearing a lot. Her mother rides horses, so we're wondering whether little 'Boo' (as we call her) is going to end up being a Gymkhana Jemima or a tom boy who likes messing with engines.

Anyway, as I said, Alan likes swearing a LOT but he's very conscious of it when around his daughter and so uses a fairly innocuous word instead. The chosen word is 'badger'. Boo has cottoned on to this though and, when playing on her own, is often heard to say at the top of her voice "Oh badger!" when she drops something or injures herself. One day we were all sat round drinking coffee and in comes a two-year old, fearlessly running on tottering two year old legs that had only just learned to walk shouting "Badger badger badger badger badger badger!!!"
(Fri 18th Apr 2008, 19:54, More)
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