» Devastating Put-Downs

My mate and I trying to get into a Student Club in Glasgow one thursday night
Bouncer: are you two students?
us: yes (a totally obvious lie)
Bouncer: oh aye, have you got anything to prove that you are students?
my mate: I've got chlamydia, does that count?
Bouncer: in ye come boys (pissing himself laughing)
(Mon 28th Nov 2011, 14:38, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

My Dad came out with a belter years ago
Some really rough people moved into the house next to us when I was a kid, the two brothers and one sister were always harassing us and jumping over our wall to generally act like wee dicks. One day, the oldest brother and by far the smelliest and most erroneous of the lot was being a particular pain; waving sticks about and chucking stones.

My Dad came out the house and lost it, giving him a first class bollocking and chasing him back over the wall.

He, of course went crying to his mum, complaining that my Dad was shouting at him. His Mum then came out to confront my Dad, "You're always shouting at my boy; he's got Eczema now because of you shouting at him all the time"

My Dad, quick as a flash replies "Is that why you don't wash him then?"

Hilarious I thought.
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 21:11, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

Not so much a put down as a witty exchange, clumsily ended by me
whenever you stop just to buy smokes at a petrol station you are usually asked "any fuel?" to which I always reply "no-im trying to give it up" - making a hilarious joke of the irony of buying cigarettes instead of something one might actually need from a petrol station.

Usually the response from the cashier is a blank stare, however on one occasion I did get the response "well you wont get far with that" - which was so unexpected that I didn't even have a decent retort to keep the joke going, answering instead with "wow-that was a great answer".

So if you are going to be a smart arse, make sure your smart, is probably the moral here.
(Mon 28th Nov 2011, 21:12, More)