b3ta.com user fat ted, cheese lover
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» I didn't do it

Cheeky hand shandy in maths class, then geography class
During my formative years, when I had way too much testosterone, I certainly never bashed one out in a maths lesson, terrified that the teacher would find out. Having got away with this, I certainly didn't then try my luck again while watching a video on volcanoes (feel free to insert your own innuendo here).

Incidentally, I say I got away with it, but if you were sitting next to a kid who was clearly wanking, would you tell him? No one ever said anything though, so I reckon it's all good.

It was an all-boys school so I had to use my imagination.

Remorse = wearing soggy pants for the rest of the day.
(Wed 21st Sep 2011, 18:30, More)

» I didn't do it

Mindless childish vandalism
I didn't once, as a teenager, utterly trash someone's car because I felt confident he wasn't using it anymore.

I had tested this theory a week earlier, by putting a banger in an egg, lighting it, and putting it on the front seat. When, a week later, the insides were still spattered with egg, I figured we were good to go. Apparently not...
(Wed 21st Sep 2011, 20:39, More)

» I didn't do it

15-year-old boy staying in a nunnery
On a family holiday to Italy once in my teens, we spent a night in a convent full of lovely nuns. Obviously I didn't bash the bishop that night; that would be an affront to God, and just plain wrong. Sperm is sacred to those Catholics, so I certainly didn't leave any of mine on the sheets.
(Tue 20th Sep 2011, 12:55, More)