b3ta.com user Smegma
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» Killed to DEATH

Don't let the gerbils out...
My 4yo son and his friend were at the friends house, and decided it would be a good idea to shut the bedroom door and let the gerbils out to play.

Cue two excited children squealing as the gerbils ran around.. until my son, wearing shorts, knelt on one. Splidge.

Ever had to wipe gerbil brains off a kids knee?
(Fri 23rd Dec 2011, 19:38, More)

» Killed to DEATH

Of course we didn't hit it, kids....
A mate was driving along one night when a ghostly shape flew across the road in front of them at low level, no chance of stopping at all. There was no bump though, so he told the worried kids that he'd missed it.

Which worked fine until they pulled onto a faster road and suddenly a huge wing just flopped up and flapped about on top of the bonnet...
(Sat 24th Dec 2011, 15:08, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

My ex wife was in the year above Vinnie Jones at school. All he was ever good at was football. He seems to have done alright out of it though...

..but all his sob stories about his poor upbringing were rubbish, they had a lovely big house.

Oh, and her mum used to babysit for Tim Brooke-Taylor from the Goodies.
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 19:30, More)

» Weird Rituals

I have to line things up...
If I'm sat in a room with patterned net curtains, blinds or whatever, I just have to line up things outside the window with the pattern in the curtains...

...even if it means gazing over the left shoulder of the person I'm talking to, and strafing sideways a couple of inches to get the perfect alignment.

They probably think I'm losing it. They don't know I lost it a long time ago. But at least I know it was well aligned when I lost it.
(Sat 17th Dec 2011, 15:17, More)