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Security was lax on the Oz set

(Fri 17th Jan 2003, 17:55, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Dad stories

Rash Nappy
I'd been a father for about 10 days. Skint; terminally short of sleep. I'd managed to avoid nappy-changing so far because I throw up everywhere just looking (and smelling!) at a loaded nappy. Now, however, I was up. No choice, but me; fate of the world was in my hands etc.

Baby on the towel; nappy off; off to the bathroom (2 rooms and a hall away) to throw up and be back quickly enough that my daughter couldn't roll off and smear shit all over the carpet. Clean up. Yak! More cleaning. Bugle! Last cleaning stage. HRUUUUURGH*cough* ptui! ptui! Grab a nappy. SHIT! It was a duff one with no tabs on it to hold it closed! We were skint and we didn't have that many nappies left anyway, so I did the best I could with duct tape and went to bed, bathed in the glow of a tricky job done well.

When my wife extracted the baby from the nappy the next morning (took 20 minutes- when I wrap a baby it fucking well stays wrapped) it turned out that I had the nappy the wrong way round.
(Fri 26th Nov 2010, 21:45, More)

» Being told off as an adult

Mummy always tells me off for zooming round the supermarket on the trolley and the other kids always get away with it.

Jus coz I'm 40 and they're my kids.
(Sat 22nd Sep 2007, 3:00, More)

» Why I was late

Favourite excuses for being late
1) Headwind.
2) The dog ate my car keys and we had to hitch hike to the vets.
(Fri 29th Jun 2007, 19:23, More)

» Stupid Tourists

2 reasons to be careful while ordering food in Spain:

1) Pollo is chicken, polla is 'willy'. This one is so frequently mispronounced that the butchers round here don't even bother taking the piss anymore.
2) Conejo is rabbit, cojones are testicles.
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 15:16, More)