b3ta.com user Dad Watches Porn
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I spend my days creating animation for Television and making stuff on screens in your home. Maybe I should post more stuff then... mmmmmm.

My nights I spend dropping Rohypnol into people's drinks to make them sleep better... that's all I was doing.. honest Dad, don't touch me there.. touch me HERE!!!

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» Near Death Experiences

Surfs Up
I was about 10 and surfing while on holiday in Cornwall in some quite big waves while my Mum and Dad were sitting on the beach doing what parents do best (ignoring their children). This huge wave caught me and threw me against the rocks... I seemed to be under water for an age and having been thrown against a rock, I had been winded badly. I really thought I was drowning. I eventually managed to get above the water and made my way up to the beach to sit down next to my Mum.. I told her what had happened and she didn't respond. "I'm DEeeeeead!' I thought "This must be what the afterlife is like.. no one speaking to you!".... she then handed me a cheese sandwich.
(Sun 28th Nov 2004, 11:50, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Plastic Ring
I was aged 10 and jumping around on one of those space hoppers with the plastic ring around them that you stand on. My Mum shouted to me from the Caravan..(the shame) and I miss judged a jump.. falling over.. The aforementioned plastic ring is about the same width as my arse crack and painfully inserted itself there. My Mother spent some time that evening rubbing Savlon into my grazed posterior.

On another note... It was around the same that I sat down on some greenheart wood that my father had in the garden (it's a hard wood treated with arsenic to preserve it to be used in docks/ports). I got splinters all over my arse and laid on the floor while my Mum took the tweezers to my bum... you have to get the splinters out or you get blood poisoning from the arsenic. Most painful experience of my life.. and that's just the embarassment.
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 22:42, More)

» Stupid Tourists

I was in Kensington High Street a couple of years ago when I was accosted by two middle aged Americans. They asked me whether there were any "Movie Theaters" in Central London.

I said "Yeah.. there's loads of cinemas in London.. what do you want to see?"

"Cinema? No we want a movie theater" was their reply.

"Go to Leicester Square" I said, now wishing them to be ripped off with the prices there.

"Is that LIE-CHESTER Square? Where the hell is that on the subway".

Rolling my eyes back I told them it was easier to walk through the park. "Thataway!" They needed the exercise anyway.
(Wed 13th Jul 2005, 12:38, More)

» Useless Information

Did you know..
they discovered the best way to clean the runway lights at airports was to spray crushed walnut shells at them? True. Tomorrow's World told me when I was 3.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 16:27, More)