b3ta.com user Pennisons Revenge
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» Weddings Part II

my best man speech
I Was told i was going to be the best man the night before his wedding, we had not spoken in ages (like 2 years) and when i knew him he was a bedroom troll that was slightly over obsessed with WWE wrestling.

He was now involved with a woman who had 2 kids from a previous relationship and she had a a third with him on the way, safe to say i didn't really know him anymore.

Long story short i bumbled my way through a completely wank off the cuff speech (Hur hur) and finished my speech with i hope he lays the smackdown on his new relationship with his wife. No laughs and me swiftly hitting the gin.
(Tue 4th Nov 2014, 10:58, More)

» Nepotism

worked in a family owned pub...
Owner was an ex copper and had the judge dredd complex
Son thought he was hard and could get away with talking to people (namely me) like shite because daddy owned the pub.
I had sex with owners daughter and told manager as i handed in my immediate leave.

I even had to pay for my own sunday lunch on 9 hour sunday shift on apprentice wages (£95 at the time dinner cost £10)
(Mon 13th Oct 2014, 13:11, More)

» Public Nudity

Not proud, but.....
Had sex behind a local firing range whilst they were using it.

It's the closest i'll ever get to my fantasy of fucking on D-day


* i was completely naked while doing it.
(Wed 23rd Jul 2014, 10:32, More)

» Bad Ideas

The worst idea...
Drunkenly ringing my ex at 3 oclock on a saturday morning singing coldplays yellow, (as it was "our song") in a vain attempt to get back in her pants.

Jesus that was a low point.
(Thu 31st Jul 2014, 10:09, More)

» Terrified!

Greathall Gill and the what could of been murder
First post ever, be gentle!

I had a lovely week long holiday in lakes last week (could of posted this in last weeks thread, meh) anyways, as holidays like this go it was full of hiking, great views and the ever classic getting wankered in a small country pub* after 8 miles of gruelling uphill struggle.

If anybody is familiar with the lakes we went on a walk right up to an impressive Geological wonder called Greathall gill, which basicly is a massive crack that runs up a hill. The height of this crack is about 365ft and going down the side of it as you can imgagine is a very steep gradient (nearly a cliff).

And this is where the terror part comes in:

A) I fell over twice and nearly tumbled to my death, only being stopped on both occasions by a lovely not painful in the slightest piece of rock I would fall onto.

B) is a little longer so bear with me, whilst descending down this "geological wonder" me and my old man (for I was walking with him) were talking about how epic it would be to have a football and kick it right off the top and see where the ball would land.

So me being the resourceful bloke I am picked a large stone up, gave it a good throw And watched it tumble down the hill! I was Impressed with my throw and happily watched it bounce from rock to grassy knoll, this is when the short, but completely terrifying wave of sickness hit me.

What if the rock hits someone on the way down and kills them? Would I be condemned for manslaughter? Would me and my father have to bury the dead body like on deliverance and never speak of it again, forever living with the guilt of killing an innocent hiker.

Turned out not and it happily tumbled to the bottom, no casualties crisis averted!

*cocker hoop by the way was the ale of choice, it's a cracking pint :D
(Tue 10th Apr 2012, 11:59, More)
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