b3ta.com user CharminglyShallow
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» Shit Claims to Fame II

Mr. Bronson off Grange Hill got me by the ear
It was Michael Sheard at some sort of sci-fi convention, and he was pissed up with a can of Special Brew in his other hand, but I still got a photo of it. Fucking legend.

That and I met the mad janitor bloke off "Take Hart", Mr.Bennett.

Beat that!
(Thu 20th Sep 2012, 16:20, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome II

My wife was annoying me one day...
...so whilst we were watching telly, sat on different sofas and not having sex again for the 1000th time, I said matter-of-factly:

"You know, I don't really think of you as a woman anymore."

She is now my ex-wife. Fortunately, she was a miserable bitch, so it all worked out alright in the end.
(Wed 22nd Aug 2012, 11:10, More)

» Ignorance

I used to work for a local council (which shall of course remain nameless)
...in their IT department, working on their Finance systems.

One of my jobs one day was updating the user records for everyone in the Finance department. In an example of scary ignorance, I found out as a result the Assistant Director of Finance, the main guy responsible for dictating computer policy, upgrades, security, new systems, etc, had NEVER logged in. Not once.

There was self-absorbed lanky streak of welsh piss who named himself 'Director of Networks', who decided (this was the 90's) during the council wide upgrade from Windows 3.11 to 95, instead of going for a Windows network, plumped for some kit from an unknown Norwegian company because they had taken him out for more meals. Needless to say, it was a piece of shit and a waste of time & expense that had to be replaced.

The local councillors were the most self-important and yet most ignorant fuckers around. You had to drop everything if one of them yelped for assistance, and most of the time it was because the dozy twats didn't know where the on button or 'the system was broken' i.e. they had entered their password incorrectly.

Still...your council tax at work... :)
(Fri 31st Aug 2012, 11:37, More)

» Worst Person for the Job

Ken the Coding Cockbag
Usual IT story, but he was a complete horseraping fucktard and it's nice to purge sometimes...

He was a rabid scot with an overinflated opinion of his limited talents. For example, we were both stuck on a problem, I found the answer, showed him to help him out, then a week later he called me over to show me how he got around it - the exact way I'd shown the dozy twat. This happened numerous times.

He would also bore anyone he found in the office kitchen with how he'd "paid off his mortgage early" and the company could kiss his ass.
Then he would moan about whoever his current manager was and how they were bullying him. Several times this ended up being brought to HR, usually concerning meetings between him and the manager alone, so it was his word against theirs.

He was finally kicked out the door when he tried this one too many times...the final manager he accused being a born again Christian with an attitude that would've made Jesus look like a militant.

Last heard of back in Scotland, where hopefully they're a lot less likely to take his brand of shite.
(Thu 6th Sep 2012, 14:41, More)

» The Wank Bank

I have a wank thinking about the people I work with.
I'm an undertaker.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2012, 16:37, More)
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