b3ta.com user Sick Boy
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» Surprise!

My cousin once replaced the Rod Stewart CD in my Gran's CD player with a Metallica CD. She got quite a surprise when she went to listen to Rod that night...
(Thu 4th Apr 2013, 17:38, More)

» Surprise!

Just thought of this. Me and my friend used to search for internet screamers, usually found on sites like AlbinoBlackSheep, or the old Wimp.com, before it turned to utter shit. This was way back around 2001-2005. These aren't the surprises I'll be going on about, but some particularly good ones we found were 'Colour Blind Test', the 'K-Fee Zombie Ad', 'What's Wrong With This Picture?', and the Scary Maze Game.

Anyway, I'll go on about the first time I found a screamer; unintentionally. I was around 5 or 6 years old, on my sister's computer upstairs, alone, in the dark. The glow of the screen probably illuminating my face, stuck in a trance like state, exploring the internet and it's wonders. I found myself on Wimp.com, looking at various flash games and videos. I found one I hadn't seen before: Where's Waldo?

Like a fucking idiot, I clicked on it. I had NO idea it was a screamer, had the sound turned all the way up, crouched over trying to get a better, closer look at the screen. I was like a cow willingly going to the slaughter; bemused look on my face, mouth agape in a grin, looking around with child like wonder. The aim of the game was to find Waldo in the picture. I went right up to the screen, trying to find Waldo, but he was nowhere to be found! Bare in mind, I had no idea what screamers were (or that they existed) at this point in time.

After a minute, sat in the dark in silence, I began to feel a little creeped out; an eerie chill passing over me. That's when the face of the devil from the Excorcist popped up on the screen, accompanied by a loud fucking scream. Needless to say I was fucking surprised. So surprised in fact, that I fled downstairs, crying my eyes out, screaming for my Dad. I refused to go back upstairs. I eventually did, gripping my toy lightsaber, ready for whatever lurked in the dark, sniffling and near-hyperventilating. I must've looked a right twat.

And so began my love for screamers...
(Thu 4th Apr 2013, 14:05, More)

» Surprise!

Sports Hall Surprise
As a weakling nerd, I fucking hated PE/games lessons. They were humiliating, embarrassing, and just fucking tedious. I'd either give into peer pressure and play football (after being picked last or next-to-last), ending with me making a fool of myself by either: a) fucking up and missing the ball to cries of 'FUCKING TACKLE HIM, SICK BOY!' or 'YOU CUNT! GET IN THE GAME!', or b) falling over like a prize spack and scraping my knee on the gravel, or just leave my PE kit at home and then stand around doing nothing.

Towards the end of Year 11, me and a few others would bring in PE kit, but opt to stay in the Sports Hall and play tennis or basketball, as it was better than going out and getting decked to the floor by a gym loving, musclebrained, colliflower eared fuckstack in rugby. The group consisted of me, some of my friends, an obese pyromaniac by the name of Shaun, and Barry (name changed for the sake of the specimen I'm about to describe).

Barry, for lack of a better description, was a red faced, failure at life that fucking STUNK of burning wood/dead bodies. He seldom talked, and when he did it was under a low mumble of words, and a short little guttural laugh at the end of each sentence, followed by a sniff of the nose, which he was prone to doing often. He wasn't the most popular chap. As you can imagine, this kid was one birthmark away from committing suicide, or mass murder.

Anyway, one day we were all playing tennis; me feigning interest and my friend Nathan getting quite competitive in the heat of the game, when all of a sudden, who should burst through the net in a random outburst of flailing anger, desperately trying to be funny? Barry of course.

So, we lock him in the cupboard at the back of the sports hall. He goes in willingly, with that short burst of guttural laughter, sniffing and all. We close the doors to the cupboard, block it with all the equipment we can find (a lot), and he starts getting annoyed. He pushes up against the door, tries to open it, starts threatening us. The buzzer goes: it's the end of the lesson. We start leaving, and see the PE teacher (think stereotypical gym teacher) moving towards the cupboard. We stop and wait to see what happens. He starts shifting the equipment out of the way, sighing about 'fucking kids' (which he's done much of I bet), and then goes to open the cupboard.

Barry bolts out, screaming 'ARRRRGH' in his mumbled tone, and shoves past the teacher; expecting it to be one of us. The teacher almost has a heart attack, and Barry shits himself too as soon as he notices. To be fair, Barry didn't grass on us, and the teacher let him off.
(Thu 4th Apr 2013, 13:20, More)

» Winging It

Getting out of RE homework
Long time lurker, first time poster etc.

This story concerns my friend Matt (for that is his name). In Year 7 or 8, we were given a short, simple piece of homework to do for RE. Now, the subject itself is a massive fucking joke, as is homework; but back then, we all saw it as really important, and feared the wrath (more than likely just a stern 'no excuse/you should have done it, you've had plenty of time' from the teacher) that would inevitably come from the teacher if we didn't get the homework done on time.

I got home, and did the homework; it took no more than ten minutes. It was some bullshit about Gandhi and the sanctity of life if I can remember. The next day, everyone's done it: bar Matt. He seems pretty calm about the whole thing though.

We get to RE, and we all give in our homework. The teacher gets to Matt, and stares at him, palm outstretched. Matt looks solemnly up at her.

"Miss, I haven't done it." Matt whimpers.

She sighs. "Why haven't you done it, Matthew?" She angrily asks, looking cross and more than a little bit pissed off.

Matt, rather than giving the general excuse of 'I forgot', comes out with the belter of an excuse: "My Dad died miss." He killed off a family member, just to get out of an insignificant piece of homework; a piece of homework, ironically, about the sanctity of life.

He played it off so well, and she bought it! She looked so sincere when she put her hand on his shoulder and gave her condolences. How Matt kept a straight face I'll never know. She must have been the most gullible teacher ever to walk the Earth (well, she is a Bible basher, so that speaks volumes) to think that someone would be in school the day after their Dad died.

So, Matt winged it by killing off a beloved family member to get out of homework...as a side note, in our leavers assembly, the speech I had written included many of Matt's bullshits (He claimed, among many other things, he can remember being a sperm), and the 'my dad died' story was in there. The teacher was at the assembly, and didn't look too pleased: in fact, she looked fucking pissed off.
(Tue 2nd Apr 2013, 19:49, More)

» Social Media Meltdowns

There's A Video On Facebook
that was just put up today, depicting a girl (that looks very much like a fucking man), surrounded by her chavvy ass friends, swaggering up to an old guy whose sat down on a bench, just minding his own business and eating a McDonalds, and punching him in the face. It's fucking disgraceful. Her cunt friends are jeering her on too, laughing all the while as she bravely assaults an OAP. Cunt.

The backlash this video has received in the past 4 hours has been phenomenal! I'm pretty sure the bitch regrets hitting the guy, likewise with the swag cunt that uploaded the video in the first place. Death threats have been issued in the comments section, and the words 'cunt', 'bitch' and 'kill yourself' have cropped up many times, albeit from what would appear to be the usual crowd of people that I would assume to congregate around a person and harass them...but hey, don't judge a book by its cover and all that good shit. Here's some of the highlights (facebook names wont be shown, likewise with the link to the video; although I'm sure you'll easily find it.):

"what a fucking skank she is"
"I hope all the seagulls and pigeons in (name of city removed) shit on her everyday for the rest of her life."
"this is fucking disgusting!! ugly lesbian emo cunt!!"
"wat a scum lil bitch, all involvwd even the fka takin the fka should be taken in 4 questonin, if that was a member of my family sitting there and some youth did that i would beat fk out of them u carnt go around hitting people 4 no reason if its self defence i agree but if not dont get egged on by so called friends, this video should also be taken off if she is now getting done as its evidence!!"
"I'd rip their fuxking heads off no matter how old they r"

The information and video have been sent to the police. The smug cunt that uploaded the video set up a fake police Facebook account too, saying that there wasn't enough evidence to bring them in. That was a bad idea. The girl who assaulted the old man had to delete her Facebook too, after people swarmed to it like moths to a light and smeared her wall with death threats and insults. Obviously, one or two of her friends tried to defend her, but were mowed down by logic and comments. I would put the link up here, which I believe is the main objective of this QOTW, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.
(Mon 24th Jun 2013, 15:42, More)
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