b3ta.com user Porcupine
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» Control Freaks

I went on a date with a guy and quite enjoyed it, plus he really fancied me and wanted to see me again, so I sent two short, friendly texts the following day.
He phoned me that evening and kicked off, saying he did not tolerate people texting him more than once in a day. He went on and on for almost an hour. Then, he sent me about five texts, re-iterating the importance of not "interrupting his day and putting new thoughts in his head" by texting.

I cancelled the second date.
(Mon 27th Oct 2014, 9:39, More)

» Street Life

A few years back
Someone nicked the wheels off my bike, so I popped to a friend's to get two spares that he kindly offered. As I walked back through the roughest part of town, late at night, carrying two bike wheels, in a hoodie, it occurred to me that I probably looked a bit dodgy.

I then bumped into another mate, who was carrying a toilet, a neighbour returning from a protest with an anti-war placard, and a forth guy en route to a party, who was in full drag and made a strangely convincing middle-aged bearded woman.

The four of us walked together and must have looked a pretty odd sight.
(Mon 13th Jul 2015, 11:34, More)

» Things You Still Can't Do Properly Despite Being a Proper Grown Up

I can't refer to a stepladder without adding "not my real ladder", or shampoo without adding "it's not real poo"
Must be pretty childish and irritating to anyone around me, though I just can't shake off the compulsion to do it.

Also, I've never learned to whistle, knit, change a plug or drive a car, though I can drive boats.
(Tue 3rd Feb 2015, 11:13, More)

» Stories of unsurpassed brilliance

An ex-flatmate went on a date with a guy she'd chatted to online for a while.
She texted a mate afterwards, to tell her she hadn't enjoyed the date, as the guy was really dull, had shit dress sense and a really annoying laugh.

She accidentally sent the text to the guy!

Realising her error a moment later, she texted her mate again, to tell her how embarrassed she was, because although the guy was pretty annoying, she'd wanted one more date, that would hopefully end in a quick shag, before telling him she wasn't interested in seeing him again.

...She sent that one to the guy, too!
(Mon 28th Nov 2016, 12:39, More)

» Weddings Part II

It didn't last long
I was about to split up with a bloke as the relationship was becoming domestic and passionless, then he did the whole bended knee thing and proposed to me. I got swept up in the romance of it.

At the reception, my dad delivered on my request for "an embarrassing speech", but not in the affectionately piss-taking, baby photos-type way I'd imagined. Instead, he listed all the times I'd been arrested as a teenager, for petty crime and public order offences, as I felt like sinking into the floor and the groom's very middle class and ambitious family all awkwardly stared at their table.

Two weeks later, I found out my husband owed thousands of pounds in unpaid tax, was massively in debt and had lied to me about his previous relationships. I moved out soon after and filed for divorce as soon as I could.

Not getting married again.
(Fri 7th Nov 2014, 10:53, More)
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