b3ta.com user fixit
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for fixit:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Cruel, cruel children.
Kid at school was from a family of Jehova's witnesses. Kid was known (even to teachers) as "Knock Knock."
(Thu 18th May 2006, 17:48, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Oversized ring of fire
Having a badly inflamed knee meant carrying deep heat every day, and frequently clearing off to the office toilets to apply it.

Seemed rude not to make a habit of smearing a load around the bog seat while I was in there. On more than one day during this period I managed to anoint all 6 traps with the stuff.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 17:16, More)

» Local Nutters

Cambridge bin busker

Plies his trade round the corner from my house.


Additionally, we used to have a guy on Mill Road that wandered round everyday with stuff sellotaped to his head. Best I saw was him wearing a partially defrosted chicken.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 16:50, More)

» Stupid Tourists

When you finally get the tourists out of Lodnod, the next place they tend to head for is where I live - Cambridge. Their first port of call tends to be punting down the college backs, where (if you don't 'self drive') you tend to get a sardonic local punt guide, who somehow is more credible because he's wearing a shirt and a silly straw hat. It's great to go out punting and listen to the tales these guys weave - they're like a rather twisted Jackanory. The usual ones are how the roadmenders bridge next to Queens college is a "mathematical bridge" put together by Sir Isaac Newton without "any bolts whatsoever - but they took it apart to clean it and couldn't work our how to put it back without any fixings." The other recent one I heard was that the drain next to the "bridge of sighs" was in fact a swan trap, that you'd use to entice swans in so you could kill, cook and eat them. This then tends to lead onto a tale of how one college has special dispensation from the Queen to take a quail's egg, stick it up the arse of a pigeon, stick the pigeon up the arse of a duck, the duck up the arse of a goose and so on until the whole multi-arse menagerie gets stuck up the rear of a swan - and the whole lot is then cooked and eaten by the dons of the college.

The punting guys should get their own TV series - the stories they actually get away with telling the Yanks beggars belief.
(Tue 12th Jul 2005, 3:01, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Och Aye.
On a trip to Scotland when very young my parents told me that a Haggis was a furry creature that lived on the mountains. According to them, the Haggis spent most of it's time running in circles around the top of the mountain, with the evolutionary result that it had one leg shorter than the other.

I believed that until a quite embarassingly advanced age.
(Sat 17th Jan 2004, 14:37, More)
[read all their answers]