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# PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:


And if you happen to work in London where the streets are small and busy then don't use a fucking golf umbrella. It is not clever and it makes you look like a cunt; a cunt of the highest order. They are designed to cover you, your golf cart and your inept golf swing, not you and your gay pin stripe suit you piece of gnat chuff. For god sakes if you have a small penis get an operation; don't over-compensate with your rain protection device. Twats!

That is so much better /rant ;o)
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:48, archived)
# yes!
assholes!
edit: and my workmate says you're a genius too. (i even got me apostrophe in the right place!)
(I helped save b3ta! baby wet ones, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:50, archived)
# Really?
How kind. Give him a big kiss from me!
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:57, archived)
# Ooo I'm with you
It always pisses me off when brolly people walk under cover and expect you to walk into the rain around them.

CUNTS
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:50, archived)
# Yep
they are wankers, some people have no percepion of spacial awareness

*bumps into lamp post*
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:52, archived)
# just push it out the way
the brolly that is, not the person
(I helped save b3ta! Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Mon 19 May 2003, 13:53, archived)
# fuck it
go for umbrella, and umbrella bearer.
Best be thorough
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:58, archived)
# Just walk along clutching
a flaming firebrand. and watch those brollies go up in fire!
(I helped save b3ta! dr_fonz, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:00, archived)
# nah
just 'tut' loudly - that'll do it.

on a related note, there's a very loud and scary thunderstorm going on here at the moment....
(I helped save b3ta! 100% kitten better than ever, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:11, archived)
# Ooh
had one about half an hour ago, but there weren't no lightning so it was really disappointing.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:17, archived)
# i am in
complete agreement. cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:50, archived)
# ever so slight
tj

*takes off hat*

loved the meerkats sir
(I helped save b3ta! weevilstepmother, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:53, archived)
# Thank you very much

Would you please tell that to the cunt who keeps sending me viruses (virii?)
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:58, archived)
# I'm afraid whoever
they are, they aren't an associate of mine...

Maybe their all gay?
(I helped save b3ta! weevilstepmother, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:03, archived)
# of course they are
and i wasn't inferring that you knew who it was, i'm just pissed off.
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:05, archived)
# yay !
that is sooo spot on :) I hate the people that stand in bus shelters and under awnings, still with their umbrellas up, tsk, how inhumane!
(JBoom, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:50, archived)
# Well said sir
I think we need more rants on this board, take for example
"I CAN'T FUCKING HUMMUS"
Classic rant, great stuff

P.S. his umbrella looks a bit gay, if you kow what I'm saying
(kryptik, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:51, archived)
# I entirely endorse
the above statement.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:51, archived)
# I was hoping people would...
...But everyone here is probably not a cunt with a golf umbrella so I am preaching to the perverted.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:53, archived)
# I'm a cunt
but I don't have a golfing umbrella. Should I go and buy one?
(I helped save b3ta! Monkeyboy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:54, archived)
# Yes
if you are serious about being one
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:55, archived)
# Righty-ho then.
Can someone point me in the direction of the nearest golf sale?
(I helped save b3ta! Monkeyboy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:58, archived)
# but i don't live in london.
everywhere else is really lovely.

London is the day shift to everywhere else's night shift.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:52, archived)
# you're just
2 posts from 9000, you know
(he says having ambled through the interesting new profile)
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:54, archived)
# you lie.
it's past that now.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:58, archived)
# Simply get your own umbrella
and angle it aggressively, so that any cunt getting in your way gets their eyes gouged out.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:53, archived)
# agressive umbrella angling?
aint seen that one in the angling times.
(I helped save b3ta! baby wet ones, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:54, archived)
# You read
the angling times?
(I helped save b3ta! dr_fonz, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:01, archived)
# Yes yes yes!!
Not to mention WOMEN with umbrellas. Men with umbrellas, if they pass someone, will LIFT them up. WOMEN on the other hand YANK THEM DOWN as close to their head as possible, just to be sure that they TAKE YOUR EYE OUT.
(I helped save b3ta! dr_fonz, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:57, archived)
# hmmmm
yes, there is much truth in what you say.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:06, archived)
# I never carry umbrellas
If I held one up, it would be at eye-level of most other people so I choose not to risk making anyone blind
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:11, archived)
# Some cunt once
lost control and it knocked into my mum.

I was only about 3/4 at the time, and the story goes that I kicked the shit out of him.
(I helped save b3ta! .90Nz0., Mon 19 May 2003, 13:58, archived)
# three quarters what?
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:59, archived)
#
snicker
(grampski, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:26, archived)
# what, at the age of 9 months?
(I helped save b3ta! Monkeyboy, Mon 19 May 2003, 13:59, archived)
# Oh, yeah
and the taxi driver who decided to accelerate around the inside of a van turning right on Goodge St just now, thus piling straight through a huge puddle and presenting me with a tsunami as I left the newsagents can just fuck off too.
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:00, archived)
# Tsunami is such a great word
Here is why:
"look, it's a tidal wave
"oh, yeah."

"LOOK! It's a MEGA-TSUNAMI!!!"
"Jesus-shitting-Christ, RUN!"

There is so much more power in the word, than our crappy name for a big wave.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:20, archived)
# YES YES YES
All umbrella users are selfish cunts essentially making the statement that they think their hair is more important than your eyes.

AND SHORT PEOPLE, being short is reason enough to be a hate figure, but using an umbrella is going to make us all really dislike you.

And guys, using a giant golfing umbrella does not stop using an umbrella looking gay, it just makes you look a bigger cunt

/rant
(Mattyboy, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:06, archived)
# Oi
There's nowt wrong with being short, unless you carry an umbrella of course (see above).
(I helped save b3ta! Penile, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:21, archived)
# *applause*
they amble very slowly along in front of you, revelling in their protection from the rain and brandishing their brollies in such a way that you can't get past for fear of serious eye injury. gah.
(I helped save b3ta! 100% kitten better than ever, Mon 19 May 2003, 14:06, archived)