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# The Sick Boy porn plan:
some porn, yesterday...

I mentioned earlier a plan for making porn and money which some of you expressed an interest in. Here is the (as yet untried) plan:

There was a hoax advert placed in a couple of tabloids some time ago asking for volunteers to be the next big thing in porn. The response was phenomenal and got me thinking. Why not place an ad in a few tabloids asking people if they want to have a career in pornography. If the response was anything like the last then arrange an audition day and ask the people along to a suite at a respectable hotel to try out for the (pardon the pun) position. Most of Middle-England is a hot-bed of perversion and exhibitionism anyway so I anticipate a good response.

On their arrival at the suite in the hotel at their alloted slot have them met and greeted by a respectable lady (my friend Louisa has already signed up for the job) and asked to sign a disclaimer and a contract (my lawyer mate says it can be done) handing the rights of the audition footage to my company. Then have them relax, choose the sex-toy of their choice and audition for ten-fifteen minutes (solo) on the bed in the suite. This wouldn't be an unreasonable request for an introduction into one of the biggest industries on the planet (worth around $4 billion in the US alon in 2000).

I would then use the footage to compile a load of tapes of 'amateur girls/boys'. The not seen before amateur market for videos is a lucrative one and the distribution of this alone should be a money spinner. The added bonus is that we should have enough of a demographic cross-section to cover some specialist areas (Asian Babes, Fifty Plus, Gay, etc). But this is only the start. I would then circulate the audition tapes throughout the production industry and introduce the people who have registered with me to the other movie/production companies. An adult recruitment agency if you like. This is where the fun really begins. With enough capital behind, due to relaxed EU UK porn production legislation, I could form my own production company á la Paul Raymond school but classier. The options are endless.

There are a few more details to fill in but the bulk is there. What are your thoughts?
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:05, archived)
# Where do I sign?
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:07, archived)
# if
you _really_ like being exploited, I'm
sure you could find a way without having
to sign anything.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:16, archived)
# Wanking for coins
down the shipyard. Been there, done that.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:19, archived)
# porn is always good
especially when it MAKES money for you

edit: my mate and i are making a porn site (no, we wont be the stars). we'll give a discount for b3tans*


*maybe
(I helped save b3ta! lo, the OTHER greebo warrior, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:07, archived)
# excellent!
keep me posted.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:11, archived)
# I wish that was a euphemism
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:18, archived)
# You are a filthy pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:07, archived)
# We had already established that fact months ago...
... I was asking about the plan! (you are only there for illustration)
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:08, archived)
# Thank god,
Don't make that pictuer the logo or anything.
I'd love to get involved but I can'e see my girlfriend being too happy with the news.
"Darling, I'm going into porn!"
BUT, I can do any artwork for videos and stuff...for money.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# We're not on a winner here
if Bovine's our first sample.


I mean, a hat eh? A hat's no puller...
(I helped save b3ta! groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# Its a policeman hat,
I was blessed with a large helmet.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:13, archived)
# A helmet representing the very best of British then?
(I helped save b3ta! groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:13, archived)
# You would be suprised...
...at the response that picture elicited from the b3tan ladies. Much moistness.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:14, archived)
# I think that
was cold sweats of terror more than anything.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:15, archived)
# Or tears
(I helped save b3ta! groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:16, archived)
# seconded
mike would do it though - porn to be mike
(I helped save b3ta! Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# bloody hell - it's quite a good idea
thats scary.. sick boy indeed
(I helped save b3ta! Darkedge, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:07, archived)
# It is a good idea,
which worries me.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:08, archived)
# Im up for it.
I could also be a stunt cock if necessary.

edit: I have an extensive knowledge of porn, if that helps.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:08, archived)
# haha
this has become my favourite thread of all time


what does that say about me and B3TA ?
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# isn't that like putting on your CV
'male'
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# Hahahahaha
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:12, archived)
# good point.
Although, I do know some men who claim not to own porn, never to have owned porn, and not to wank regularly.

I call these people liars.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:17, archived)
# or women
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:20, archived)
# nope
still liars
(I helped save b3ta! Darkedge, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:22, archived)
# women love it.
they just tend not to admit it.

My sis used to have the biggest porn collection I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:24, archived)
# really?
What type of stuff?
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:25, archived)
# pretty much every top shelf mag for girls and boys.
some under the counter stuff too.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:36, archived)
# Nice
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:41, archived)
# wanking liars
(I helped save b3ta! thebear is thebear, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:21, archived)
# Stunt Cock? Is that like Evel Knievel for roosters?
lol
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:12, archived)
# if it is, Ive been applying for jobs that arent entirely suitable for me.
In industry slang, its the todger that appears purely for the purpose of "The Money Shot".

Im proud of my todger, and I think it needs a cinematic career to enrich ladies lives.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:19, archived)
# haha
you get better by the day.
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:21, archived)
# But don't let fame get to it's head or it
might pack it's bags for sunnier climes.
Leaving you todgerless and broke.
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:22, archived)
# Arf!
To all of the above
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:24, archived)
# we have an attachment that will never be broken*
*six ligaments, if I remember correctly.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:37, archived)
# you have a plan
a sick one, nonetheless
(I helped save b3ta! lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:08, archived)
# Its a nice idea.
I think the majority of people would be stupid enough to sign the disclaimer. hey presto, Gonzo heaven.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:08, archived)
# can I work
for you?
I have no skills except electronic repair and office stuff (although I could learn to be an accountant. It sounds easy enough.)

On the plus side, I do genuinely have a degree in Anatomy and Human Biology.
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:09, archived)
# I am already a part-qualified accountant...
...but if you have a big dick then please come along.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# I have a big dick!
It's in a jar, and has seen better days, but I could bring it...
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:12, archived)
# tiny cock
but I'm a big fat hairy man with loose morals. Enough booze and I could be in your "german bears" specialist video series.

not really selling myself as a winner here am I?
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:13, archived)
# Beats a policeman's helmet though
(I helped save b3ta! groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:15, archived)
# VICTORY
Excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:18, archived)
# Just drop the word "policeman's"
and you're sorted
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:19, archived)
# Oh I dunno.....
... I would!




'cept my boyf'd kill me
(ReLiC, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:53, archived)
# Sorry, my big one's at the cleaners.
(I helped save b3ta! pxyzyzygy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:17, archived)
# nudge nudge
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:11, archived)
# hmm...
bags you film the fifty-plus stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:09, archived)
# What about Fifty plus Asian gay babes ?



ps......can I watch ?
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:10, archived)
# Heaven help the
cleaning lady that gets that room.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:12, archived)
# That's all very well. But what would your Mum say?
What would she tell the neighbours? Eh?
(I helped save b3ta! pxyzyzygy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:13, archived)
#
"son, one day all this will be yours".
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:14, archived)
# I don't think my Mum watches much porn...
...though she always said she would be proud of me no matter what i chose to do. This, however, might just render that sentiment void.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:15, archived)
# Render it!
RENDER IT VOID!
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:20, archived)
# A friend of mine
had to start a second business to stop his mum asking so many questions about how he made a living. Being a fairly devout catholic, he thought that telling her about the porn sites probably wouldn't go down too well :)
(I helped save b3ta! Ptortoise, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:20, archived)
# That's a superb story!
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:28, archived)
# Marvellous
idea.

Porn is great isn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Spleen Can do better. C-, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:14, archived)
# It's the best
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:15, archived)
# I agree.
its a hobby for life.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:18, archived)
# and possibly viable.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:20, archived)
# I choose the curly wurly vibrating love eggs
(I helped save b3ta! thebear is thebear, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:19, archived)
# I would have expected...
...no less of you!
;)
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:21, archived)
# HEY
I could do some cheesy soundtracks if you like ? 70's wah wah stylee !
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:23, archived)
# Yes
Yes please. Porn wouldn't be porn without seventies cheese.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:26, archived)
# I'm up for
doing any graphics or whatever...video covers, that sort of thing.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:27, archived)
# I'm up for quality control.
ie. taking it home for the weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! pxyzyzygy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:29, archived)
# I think with the b3tan collective talent...
...we could pretty mutch sew the whole thing up. Do you think Channel 4 would give me money for documentary rights too?
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:29, archived)
# Could be,
or not.
Although the whole thing is a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:30, archived)
# You could do a further film
"the making of"

And make it seem really exploitative.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:35, archived)
# Like
it's not anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:35, archived)
# mmm
30 year old smegma
(I helped save b3ta! UncleLewy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:29, archived)
# sums up my toilet floor
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:30, archived)
# k
well if you ever need owt, just shout......
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:29, archived)
# I miss my wah wah
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Ptortoise, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:28, archived)
# Will there be positions a fifteen year old boy can fill?
something like wanker in chief would be nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:25, archived)
# hehehe
you said "fill"
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:28, archived)
# hehe
you said "fill".
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:36, archived)
# hehehe
you said "fill"
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Thu 30 Oct 2003, 16:49, archived)