I have a few addictions, but we'll take them one at a time.
I should probably start out with my tales of cocaine addiction (cured now) or my love of scotch (almost cured), but instead I'll tell of the worst one I have, the one that may well ruin me yet.

Women.

(I'll forewarn you, this isn't being written for humour- this is catharsis.)

In the past I've made some pretty awful choices in women, and have suffered some consequences that were quite horrific. I've spoken of some of them in here, and also of some of the good choices I've made. But either way, women have been involved.

Sounds normal enough, doesn't it?

The thing is, it took a friend of mine pointing out a few things recently for me to see a pattern in my own life. I'm a bit too close to the problem to see it objectively, so when she pointed it out I was rather gobsmacked.

As she put it, I don't deal well with being alone.

It's true, I don't. I'm not dependent on a woman to cook for me or clean up after me or tell me what I need to be doing, but I don't like being alone. I end a relationship, then a couple of weeks pass and I find myself out there looking again for someone to share a bed with and to take to dinner. I really can't remember the last time I spent a weekend alone at home, reading the paper and going on walks- I always end up with someone, doing something.

I'm fearful of commitments, yet I can't seem to go for more than a week or two without a woman in my life in some capacity. Currently I have four women that I'm juggling, splitting my time between them and not taking care of my needs at home such as cleaning and laundry. There are those who would look at me and feel a bit of envy, but really it feels as though I'm burning my candle at both ends and the middle as well. The words of Bilbo in "The Fellowship Of The Ring" are entirely too apt: I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin. Sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday.

So why don't I take to spending time alone in my own home, rather than bouncing all around the place? Damned if I know.

But that's the nature of addictions, isn't it?

Sorry for the lack of funny. I'm trying to process this one out for myself, and you get to listen in. Lucky you, eh?
(Shimrod, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 20:42, 2 replies)

Get a pet!
Seriously, get a dog. You will never be alone and it might break your habit of forming damaging relationships. There are so many abandoned dogs out there in need of a home, you would be doing them and yourself a favor.
(Woofie, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 21:17, closed)

Shimrod
CODA? Worth a try fella. As you said, that's the nature of addiction. Good luck mister!
( slapdash flying through the cool clean air since, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 22:47, closed)