probably unpopular
I dislike dogs so much that I sometimes fantasise about carrying a gun and shooting them dead whenever I see them. If they barked at me, I'd shoot their owners as well. They stink, they're noisy, they shit all over the place and they're stupid.

By stupid, I mean they've had almost all of their natural instincts bred out of them. If you don't feed a cat, it'll go out and eat a pigeon. If you don't feed at dog, it'll look at you soppily until it dies. I've got no respect for that.

Just the other day I was sitting on a park bench when a labrador raced towards me, jumped all over my lap (covering me in mud) and then ran off. It's owner merely laughed gaily and said "Oh, he's excited today!" That's fine then. That makes it OK. How about I follow her home and shit on her laundry because I'm fucking excited. Fucking stupid bitch.

Sorry, it's been a long day.
(frankspencer, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 17:22, 13 replies)

Right on
I feel exactly the same.

I hate dogs.

I fantasise about boiling dogs slowly to death in a big pot, or connecting an egg whisk to the mains and sliding it slowly up a dog's arse, or chucking a dog into a woodchipper, etc etc.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 17:26, closed)

Next time..
DO IT

laundry shitter!
(jmaxi returned again on, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 17:34, closed)

No class
I once saw one COUGH UP some excrement.
Scum, sub-mammal scum.
(sparks , oh, I don't know., Wed 12 Dec 2007, 17:44, closed)

I'd say about 80-90% of the time
it's not the dog's fault, it's the owners fault for letting them get away with murder. Dogs don't know any better; if that dog got me stinking and the owner laffed, I would've wrapped the lead around the owner's throat.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 17:48, closed)

Dogs
Don't mind dogs too much, but I have a huge issue with dog shit which is the nastiest thing known to man.

IMHO the penalties for not picking it up are too lenient, anyone caught not clearing their dog's shit off the pavement or footpath should be made to leave their front door open so anyone can walk into their house and crap on the carpet.

When you've biked through a hidden pile of the most obnoxious turd since Gordon Brown came to power, and found said jobby sprayed up the back of your bike and indeed yourself then you soon develop a special hatred of owners who think "aww, I can't be arsed to pick that up".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 12 Dec 2007, 18:01, closed)

I train my fucking dog
she doesn't jump up, she doesn't bark, she doesn't smell as she has short hair and I pick her shit up. As for any other dog owner who buys it and thinks it's perfectly acceptable to leave them at home all day and not train them, and lets them shit when and where they want, they should have the fucking thing put down. Cats have killed off all the local bird population in my area, and still shit in my garden. Irresponsible owners are at fault.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 18:16, closed)

It's the owners not the dogs
Having owned dogs ever since I was married 20 years ago I know that a dog needs to know where it stands and what it can and can't do. The majority of the time its the lazy arsed, dick of an owner that is the problem.

I always pick up after my dogs and can't stand the lazy ignorant sods who just walk off and leave it. I have offered bags to pick it up and been looked at as if I just offered to shag their 5yr old daughter.

Cats on the other hand are dirty shitty lil bastards that should wear a nappy. My niece was seriously ill when she was young because a neighbour's cat shit in my brother's garden near where she played.

Our youngest dog loves cats, if she ever caught one she could have great fun with the bastard.
(Tyrion, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 18:23, closed)

well
a cat may go kill a pigeon if you don't feed it, but it will probably go out and kill something even if you do feed it, and thats neither cute nor fuzzy, the little fucking bastards that they are.

also, the cats round here (in birmingham) are scum... they open all the bins (leaving huge trails of empty tuna tins up and down the road), mewl and screetch all night... pure hatred in pet form in my opinion.

(also a long day, with whats looking like a long evening followed by a long night to follow)
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 20:02, closed)

PSA
A while ago, I saw an amusing sort of public service announcement about the need to clean up after your dog. You might find it interesting.
(tellum0 is spelled with an 'o', Wed 12 Dec 2007, 23:29, closed)

RE Tyrion's Niece
Well HER fucking owners should have taught her not to play with fucking cat shit then, shouldn't they?
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 10:28, closed)

well i think
the main problem is the ridiculous over-sentimentalising of animals in Britain. We live in a country where the RSPCA gets more donations per year than the NSPCC. If that's not an indidication of a sick society I don't know what is...our priorities are f%cked, people.

And no, it is not OK to let your animal bark/jump up at strangers and then just roll your eyes in an indulgent 'what can you do?' manner. This is lame and selfish, and the reason why I used to feel much the same about dogs as Frank. That was until I met my friend's dog, an amazingly delightful, affectionate and all-round super-lovely creature. And it's all down the fact that she's been properly trained.
So don't blame teh dogs. Blame stupid, irresponsible and self-righteous owners - we really should reintroduce the idea of a compulsory dog license.
(jennymnemonic, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 10:46, closed)

Jennymnemonic
What about a compulsory child licence too? People who are not responsible enough to train a dog or look after an animal of any sort properly are not fit to raise children either.

OK, I'm not a dog lover. I'd never harm one intentionally, and would feel bad about doing so unintentionally, but I wouldn't keep one personally. But as you say, it's not so much the dogs which are a problem, it's almost always the owners.

And most of the time that's true for kids too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 10:58, closed)

Jennymnemonic is right
It is about how the dog is trained. An owner who rolls their eyes and smiles when the dog is antisocial is giving tacit approval of their pet's behaviour. No doubt they're crap parent material too.

I know someone who has a German Shepherd / Rottweiler cross. Guess what? He's an adorable dog, he's affectionate and very obedient. The difference here is that the owner understands dog psychology.

Too many dog owners will try and apply human morals to their pet. It doesn't work, because dogs ain't human.

Dogs are hierarchial creatures, meaning they need to recognise their place in any pack structure. If a dog sees an opportunity to improve it's social rank then it'll do just that. Likewise, it'll interpret a weak owner as a pack subordinate.

My friend's dog is affectionate and happy because there's been discipline from day one. He knows his place in the family and this is reinforced to him every day. He gets his dinner after everyone else and is not allowed to touch his meal until he receives a command. In the wild, a pack of dogs operate a strict hierarchy around meals, the pack leader has first dibs on a kill, followed by the lower ranks and finally the pups. If you don't reinforce this behavior in your dog then you're effectively telling him that he's the leader of your family pack.

Which is why he'll snap at the kids.

I agree that bad pet ownership is a reflection on people's parenting skills. Laziness and lack of empathy are inexcusable regardless of whether you're in charge of a dog or a brace of brats in Tesco.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 13 Dec 2007, 12:49, closed)