Educational Demise.
Well of all the places I have been kicked out of there is only one place that has banned me and thats the Early Learning Centre, yep thats the one, the kids place, not a pub, or a posh trendy wine bar. A high street young childrens educational toy shop.

As the story goes, we were walking through the Hounds Hill Shopping Centre after a few beers round town and we walked said shop, I saw SQUEEZE ME ELMO on the shelf, well loads of them to be true.

Super Hoogs darts in the shop and squeezes ALL OF THEM and then stood there singing along.

Now I dont know if youve ever done this, but 20 Elmos singing nursery rhymes on high volume makes some fúcking racket. Said shopkeeper ejects me and Im pissed about it. So we walk back in and do it again, next minute whilst me bobbing my head to Little Jack Horner or some shite, security grab me and "manhandle" me out of the shop - I Just go FUCKING RADIO

How can I be kept from musical elmo - its not happening. With this in mind I dart back to the doorway, the security man grabs me and pushes me to one side, i smash into the plate glass window, putting a crack in it the size of the one in Vanessa Feltz's knickers, so stupid me decides to nut the security guard.

Anyway - I get arrested on Section 5 Common Assault, Aggrevated Criminal Damage and a Lifetime ban from ELC. - 12 months suspended and 400 quid fine. WINNER

However I have had the last laugh as the fúcking shop is no more, the security guard is unemployed and a homeless bag head in Blackpool, im on great money getting paid to sit here and type up my Sesame Street Musical Adventure.

ELMO?- Get to fúck you belter or Ill set my musical munching Cookie Monster on you.

Length - Ill tear you a new arsehole.
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Fri 1 Sep 2006, 16:43, Reply)