Opportunity for a repost!
Many moons ago, when I was but a lad (about 18 and discovering the joys of inappropriateness with the leydees) I suffered from a condition called Phimosis - feel free to google it but it's basically a foreskin that is too tight to retract without causing pain and swelling.....

One evening, lubricated by a number of pints of the lunatic special at the Old Man and Scythe I managed to get lucky with a lady and managed to "do the deed". It hurt like hell but somehow the old fella managed to perform and all was good.

Until later that night. If you can imagine the scenario - the foreskin retracts but decides to shrink around my bellend. Basically I was priapic with a persistent erection and my helmet was turning an angry purple and getting larger. I managed to live with it for a few hours until the pain became too much to bear.

Now the object of my affection that evening was a nurse and thought (due to the effects of being shitfaced) that it would be a simple process to relieve the pressure until I could seek professional assistance. So we commenced the operation...

Nail scissors sterilised in a ligher flame, ice liberally applied to the offending area to numb the pain and the banjo string and the stubborn ring of foreskin around the base of the helmet is cut! I was very surprised how tough human flesh is, even in the most delicate of areas.....

All was good for about 30 seconds. The pressure subsided and things started to look normal then the pain decided to kick in together with copious blood flow. If didn't know I could bleed so much and live. It was everywhere, the sink, the bath, the floor, the bathmat, towels - you name it, it got a soaking.

We decided at that point that a trip to casualty was in order.....the member for Quimborough was wrapped in a towel and the ambulance was called.

It was worth the embarassment of the consultation as the next day I'd had an emergency circumcision and a few weeks later (once the stitches had disssolved/been picked out) I discovered the true joy of sex.

Absolutely true and the most painful thing I've ever encountered but worth it in the end.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 8:00, 10 replies)

"The member for Quimborough"
Gets my click...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 8:01, closed)

Seconded
And clicked. For pure disaster-factor
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 19:23, closed)

Awwww
You stupid, stupid, stupid boy...

*still wincing*
*clicks*
*winces*
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 8:15, closed)

Penis + sharp/slicey things = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*snipped* (sorry *clicked*)
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 24 Jun 2011, 8:34, closed)

The nurse said "Would you like a general anaesthetic, or would you prefer to be awake?"
...While they CUT UP MY PENIS? With KNIVES? What do YOU think?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 9:18, closed)

I think that given that they were cutting up my penis with KNIVES I would rather have been awake.....or would I?
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 11:17, closed)

Ewwww, that doesn't sound good.

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 8:38, closed)

OW
Somehow I managed to splice my penis as a child... GETTING IN TO THE BATH??!! And had stitches. Literally feel your pain!

Kudos to the nurse as well - it's the thought that counts!
( elgordo, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 10:34, closed)

I think I had a mild version of phimosis once
I wasn't able to pull it back until one fateful day that someone kicked me so hard in the bellend that it must have stretched.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 13:05, closed)

Just had the cut
After suffering with the phimosis for years...I am now stud at sexy teimes, due to the bell end being as numb as a carpenters thumb. Still ,it kept mrs bane quiet for an hour.
( bane, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 16:19, closed)