big-arse bedbugs
when i was just about to leave my teens, i lived in the most hellish form of accommodation known to man, the bedsit. i hated it. to be fair, it was the first time i'd lived away from the parental home, so i treated it like a squat. i won't go into details(i'd be here all week), but the whole building was nasty.
now, my landlord was my mum's boss, so i got my little hovel furnished for me, including a single bed. i had a boyfriend at the time, tony was his name. as teenagers, i'm sure you can imagine the amount of bedspring boinging we got up to.
one night, we decided that my single bed was just too small. we knew there was an empty, unlocked bedsit across the hall that had a double bed. unfortunately, it had no mattress. my bed had 2, as it was quite low. giggling drunkenly(did i mention we were drunk?)and quite naked, we snuck out of my room and across the hall, holding the first mattress between us. we dumped it on the bed, then rushed back to my room for the other one.
as we were halfway across the hall, we heard a kind of strangled noise. looking round, we saw my very elderly neighbour staring at us. i thought he was going to choke on his false teeth!
it was at this point that tony decided to say "don't worry, mate, we're just really big bedbugs."
how i never dropped my end of the mattress during the fit of laughter that i suffered then, i don't know.
strangely, nothing was ever mentioned by my neighbour.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 21:24, Reply)