I told you she was a slapper
Me and a couple of mates went to a party in South London and were making our way back to North London when we were pulled over by the filth.
They searched us and found a bit of weed on my mate so arrested him and took him back to the nick. Being the nice guys we are, my mate and I decided to wait for him to get processed and give him a lift home.
Whilst we waited we ventured into a 7-11 (this was a while ago) to get some food. After I paid for my stuff I turned around to see my mate standing in front of all the porn mags, flicking through a copy of Razzle. I made my way over to him and started browsing the top shelf mags as well. All of a sudden I stopped, transfixed by what I saw before me.
"Oi, Laurie, isn't that your bird on the cover of that jazz mag?"
"Well, yes, yes it is."
It took us about 5 minutes to stop laughing and pick ourselves up off the floor before we could club together our last remaining pennies to buy a copy.
The worst bit was that the mag was Nude Readers Wives and all the birds were rotten. One of them had a bruise the size of a football on her inner thigh.


On another occassion I was walking through Liverpool Street station at rush hour. I looked down and saw some passport photos. Being the nosy bastard that I am I bent down and picked them up. It was my mate Rich. I was able to give them back to him later that night.
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Tue 13 Feb 2007, 2:25, Reply)