Oriental blues
Ha! All of you and your dainty little claims to a Darwin Award. Only I know the true pain. I have been right there, right on the edge, right on the fucking line. I am doing it now. I am *this* close right now to expiring.

I had a Rustlers Oriental Rib burger (special offer £1) for my dinner, and my stomach has already started to bubble and I can feel the build up of the enormous diamond-forming mega Pascals of pressure deep in my colon. Soon, I will be in the half dead, half alive state that only a Rustlers microwave burger product can bring. I am the resultant Schrödinger’s cat of poor quality fast food except a cat might be more nutritious and certainly taste better.

It was nice knowing you all...

*distends*

*rips asunder*

*gurgles*

*births manburger hybrid*
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:13, 4 replies)

Go out
Find an all night garage or similar unsociable hours retail establishment and buy a Yorkie Bar.

I don't know how, or why, but on the couple of occasions that I've been intensly uncomfortable with the festering contents of my intestines one chew of one block of a Yorkie has brought the whole lot back out again.

The first time brought forth such a plethora of spew that it blocked the only WC of a leisure centre in Wakefield to the extent that a plumber was required.

Alternatively you might die of cheap microwave food.

I know some good house-clearance people.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:40, closed)

Actually...
You know what? I think the pressure is easing and I am feeling a little bit b---------------

*plays Settlers of Catan with Grim Reaper*

*loses*

*goes to Hull*
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:49, closed)

Settlers?
Then you deserve to die! Now Carcassonne on the other hand...
(kitescreech still here, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 13:00, closed)

Ah, the Rustlers Microwave Burger.
So compelling on the supermarket shelf...
So alluring in the fridge when pissed...
Just not quite unpleasant enough to stop eating...

*goes and has microwave burger*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 9:11, closed)