Part two of Darwin Award-esque behaviour
Going back in time from part 1 below, and back two years, I was at university. I still am, but I've moved house since then, so I now have new housemates and a new house.

Anyway. A bit of information that is vital here. I cannot smell much at all. My nasal capabilities have been reduced over the years due to various sinus infections and the like that have gone untreated. My taste is also on the way out, but is not as bad as my nose. This will come in handy in a bit.

I went over to my then girlfriends house in Bangor on a Saturday morning. I live in Chester, so this is an hours ride by train. I also lived with two girls around this time, and one had gone home to London on Friday (important). I also didn't have any breakfast at mine before leaving to get to the missus (this is also important), so I was a tad hungry when I got to Bangor. Fnarr fnarr. Anyway, I spend a pleasant weekend at the missus's, and return to Chester Monday morning, as who in their right mind wants to be spending their Sunday evening on trains in North Wales when they can be shagging a nymphomaniac?

I get back to my house, albeit being delayed slightly by nearly being run over whilst trying to cross a road whilst also trying to clean ash off my coat and not trying to set myself on fire from my cigarette. Being nearly run over probably saved my life that day as it allowed me to smoke my cigarette a bit quicker. And this is why. I finished my cigarette at the end of my road, and walk to my front door. Keys in the door, unlock, open, and get hit by a wall of an evil smell. And when I can smell something, that is usually very, very bad.

Turns out that the remaining housemate of mine had left a hob on, unlit, all weekend, after buggering off soon after I'd left. If I had been doing my usual habit of smoking whilst wandering into the house, I'd've ignited the gas, which by now had spread through all of downstairs and upstairs, and blown the house up, and myself with it. I knew it was the housemate I'd left here, as it wasn't my other housemate, who was in London, and I'd switched everything off the night before so I wasn't to blame. And because she'd buggered off, nobody had smelt the gas until I'd gotten home.

So that is why I am grateful for almost getting run over.

There have been other numerous incidents, like plugging myself in and getting both kinds of electric shocks, i.e. the ending up on the other side of the room ones and the can't let go of the cable ones, but the best time is when I managed to do the latter kind of electric shock, and in the process make my hair spark and then catch fire before getting kicked away by my dad.

Still not entirely sure of how I managed that one, but I think it might have had something to do with the faulty wiring of the PC power cable I was fixing and the faulty plug socket that it was plugged into. I would like to say that I learnt my lesson after that and unplugged everything before fixing it, but I still fix stuff when it's plugged in.

And finally, a small story from when I was a teenager and being a pyromaniac. Everyone knows the deodorant can flamethrower trick, but I managed to take that one step further by accident. There is a good reason why that stuff should never be exposed to high temperatures. I sprayed deodorant on a lightbulb that been on for several hours. The lightbulb promptly exploded spectacularly in a big shower of glass everywhere. I managed to avoid this by throwing myself out of the way.

So never spray deodorant on a lightbulb that has been gently cooking for hours. It is never good.

Apologies for length, it was too big to fit in one go.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 19:50, 5 replies)

And another
great one, cheers!
( SpankyHanky, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 20:02, closed)

[pedant]
I think you'll find that the exploding lightbulb was caused by the rapid cooling from the deodorant propellant vapour being cold, rather than the propellant catching fire.
[/pedant]

I gave you a click for me being a pain in the arse.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sun 15 Feb 2009, 4:09, closed)

Hehe
Okay. Sorry, I didn't learn much from science, given that I spent most of my science lessons playing Connect 4, so I bow down to your knowledge.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 12:21, closed)

Ooh..
That happened to me just the other day, though luckily we thought it was our dodgy boiler not working and turned it off before it tried sparking, when it was actually fine and would have blown us all away if it had. House stank of gas for hours....
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 12:18, closed)

Gotta love gas ovens
It's always fun when that happens isn't it? Although now that you've mentioned boilers, I'm now sat here wondering if my boiler is gonna give up and start releasing extravagant amounts of gas...
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 12:23, closed)