My Biggest Disappointment
Often the things we look forward to the most turn out to be a huge let down. As Freddy Woo puts it, "High heels in bed? No fun at all. Porn has a lot to answer for."
Well, Freddy, you are supposed to get someone else to wear them.
What's disappointed you lot?
null points for 'This QOTW'
( , Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:15)
Often the things we look forward to the most turn out to be a huge let down. As Freddy Woo puts it, "High heels in bed? No fun at all. Porn has a lot to answer for."
Well, Freddy, you are supposed to get someone else to wear them.
What's disappointed you lot?
null points for 'This QOTW'
( , Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:15)
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Valentines Day '06
Ok, so I hate all this Hallmark Holiday bullshit, but I was determined to make an effort this year as my then-girlfriend, the lovely Anastasia and I were going through a rough patch and I could feel the best thing that had ever happened to me slipping through my fingers.
I ventured out, armed with debit card and purchased a massive Vettriano print, a 3 CD Nina Simone anthology, a huge bunch of roses, wine, chocolates and massive card, soppier than a Hull basement.
Pleased with myself, and bouyed with sweet images of reconciliation and mind-blowing sex, I presented them to my beloved with a flourish, accompanied by words of undying love and adoration. She accepted with shamen-like beatification, and deposited a small parcel into my trembling, sweaty paw.
I unwrapped this treasured gift in feverish anticipation. What had the object of my worship deigned to bestow upon my unworthy self?
A block. Of cheese.
Now, in all fairness, I wasn't really expecting anything, and it was stilton, with cranberries, encased in red wax in the shape of a love heart. However, it was still. A. Block. Of. Fucking. Cheese.
How my heart imploded. Did I catch a glimpse of malevolent glee in one almond eye?
Did an imperceptible exhalation of sadistic mirth pass from her divine lips?
Needless to say, the relationship finished its turbulent course a month later.
I'm over it now though. *sobs*
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:27, 13 replies)
Ok, so I hate all this Hallmark Holiday bullshit, but I was determined to make an effort this year as my then-girlfriend, the lovely Anastasia and I were going through a rough patch and I could feel the best thing that had ever happened to me slipping through my fingers.
I ventured out, armed with debit card and purchased a massive Vettriano print, a 3 CD Nina Simone anthology, a huge bunch of roses, wine, chocolates and massive card, soppier than a Hull basement.
Pleased with myself, and bouyed with sweet images of reconciliation and mind-blowing sex, I presented them to my beloved with a flourish, accompanied by words of undying love and adoration. She accepted with shamen-like beatification, and deposited a small parcel into my trembling, sweaty paw.
I unwrapped this treasured gift in feverish anticipation. What had the object of my worship deigned to bestow upon my unworthy self?
A block. Of cheese.
Now, in all fairness, I wasn't really expecting anything, and it was stilton, with cranberries, encased in red wax in the shape of a love heart. However, it was still. A. Block. Of. Fucking. Cheese.
How my heart imploded. Did I catch a glimpse of malevolent glee in one almond eye?
Did an imperceptible exhalation of sadistic mirth pass from her divine lips?
Needless to say, the relationship finished its turbulent course a month later.
I'm over it now though. *sobs*
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:27, 13 replies)
Do you really like cheese?
It would have been relevant if you did.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)
It would have been relevant if you did.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)
@BGB
I'm quite fond of it. However, I'd never given her any indication that I was so fond that I would be happy for it to constitute an entire Valentine's gift to the love of her life.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:41, closed)
I'm quite fond of it. However, I'd never given her any indication that I was so fond that I would be happy for it to constitute an entire Valentine's gift to the love of her life.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:41, closed)
@baz
Hmm, never thought of it in those terms.
My disappointment must have clouded my humour radar. *sees the light*
Bugger.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:57, closed)
Hmm, never thought of it in those terms.
My disappointment must have clouded my humour radar. *sees the light*
Bugger.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:57, closed)
Honestly
I think I would have wet my pants laughing. Not in a bad way at all, but heart-shaped cheese? Brilliant!
If my chap had come up with that as a valentines present, he would have got the extra-special sexings
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
I think I would have wet my pants laughing. Not in a bad way at all, but heart-shaped cheese? Brilliant!
If my chap had come up with that as a valentines present, he would have got the extra-special sexings
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)
Shit
I must be coming across as a right miserable bastard!
I do see the humour, and I have been dining out on this tale amongst friends for a couple of years.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:04, closed)
I must be coming across as a right miserable bastard!
I do see the humour, and I have been dining out on this tale amongst friends for a couple of years.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:04, closed)
Jesus!
I didn't even spot that pun as I typed it!
*feels forehead*
*checks pulse*
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)
I didn't even spot that pun as I typed it!
*feels forehead*
*checks pulse*
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)
sounds disturbingly like my ex, also called Anastasia.
She'd expect a lot of stuff and give really crappy presents back, like a children's book about rabbits, or something.
Gah.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)
She'd expect a lot of stuff and give really crappy presents back, like a children's book about rabbits, or something.
Gah.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)
You don't think...
*ponders*
How small a world could it possibly be?
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:03, closed)
*ponders*
How small a world could it possibly be?
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:03, closed)
Disappointingly small, probably
But I like the way you write, so have a click.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)
But I like the way you write, so have a click.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)
Heh, I've had this...
My ex-wife, only a year or so after we'd got married too. I got her a ton of stuff, just silly little things, and organised a meal, all that stuff.
And I got "I owe you a CD, I didn't get time to go and buy it this week"
O_o
EDIT: Ooh, I think mine was '06 too!
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)
My ex-wife, only a year or so after we'd got married too. I got her a ton of stuff, just silly little things, and organised a meal, all that stuff.
And I got "I owe you a CD, I didn't get time to go and buy it this week"
O_o
EDIT: Ooh, I think mine was '06 too!
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)
i got a bottle of perfume that made tweed look up-to-date
and, as if that wasn't bad enough, he says "oh, i bought that last year. for my ex. but we split up."
FOR HIS FUCKING EX??????
yes, i dumped him. black silk boxers and cologne i bought him, the stingy fucker.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:15, closed)
and, as if that wasn't bad enough, he says "oh, i bought that last year. for my ex. but we split up."
FOR HIS FUCKING EX??????
yes, i dumped him. black silk boxers and cologne i bought him, the stingy fucker.
( , Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:15, closed)
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