loft
My girlfriend is petrified of the loft (attic to merkins) and wont go in unless I'm there, on the ladder, head in the loft to make sure she's ok and body outside to keep ladder in place. Things (in no particular order) that could go wrong in her opinion:

Standing between girders = fall through ceiling.
Ladders fall away = no way down
Light goes out in loft and landing = no visbility
Insulation brushes against leg = death (glass fibres get in to bloodstream and slash brain open from the inside)
A sudden gust of wind rips entire loft off house with her inside resulting in a kind of new airborne life spent in loft from hell that somehow permanently 'surfs' the planet in the jet stream.
Spiders obviously.

Its all quite rational to her and under no circumstances am I am to in anyway make jokes about any part of the loft, or the mission to retrieve/return items from or to the loft.
The only weird thing is that she organised the whole loft so I'm not allowed to move stuff or get stuff out.

The other week, perched on the ladder whilst she rummaged around for a spare suitcase, I hatched and executed my plan. When she wasnt looking i ducked down the ladder, knocked the ladder out of the hatch so it crashed down to the landing, i hit the ground with a loud yell that appeared to just cut off half way and lay very still face down.

I listened, trying not to laugh.

"Geoff? Geoff? GEOFF!!!!" wild hysterical screaming as she ran accross the loft, losing her footing and one foot through the plasterboard, tripping and grabbing the extension cable to the lamp we hang up in the beams which is promptly torn out and the light goes off. It all took about 5 seconds. I turn over with a big smile and look up at her face hanging over the hatch literally unable to stop screaming at 'seeing me dead'.

It's really weird when you feel worse than you've ever done yet at the same time in agony from laughing so hard watching the love of your life screaming like her whole world just ended.

Seriously, try it. She'll get over it.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 14:44, 8 replies)

Genius
I bet you didn't 'get any' for at least a week though!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 14:48, closed)

actually
havent got any since. Seriously.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 14:49, closed)

that's commitment
*applauds*

also: Geoff Leppard. That's awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 14:53, closed)

Haha!
Just wait til I try this on Mrs. Serenity.
( Hokerou, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 16:17, closed)

"My girlfriend is petrified of the loft (attic to merkins)"
Loft and attic aren't the same thing. Lofts have no permanent stairs leading to them and have to be accessed by ladder. Attics have stairs.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 22:43, closed)

quality
Gotta go in the attic tonight to get the Christmas tree out... The Mrs. is scared of the attic and I'm trying to get her up there, would be ashame if the step-ladder were to fall over ;-)
(Bad_Dogg, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 13:08, closed)

Haha, I'm equally stunned by and laughing at this =)
*clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 15:46, closed)

gold
that last line is absolute genius. nice work.
(unciebana It's good, but it's not right., Tue 18 Dec 2007, 0:08, closed)