Dream On
My first wife and I were very unadventurous in the bedroom – I was always a bit of an ingénue when it came to sex and she, frankly, couldn’t be bothered. However, on occasions, which invariably involved alcohol, we would sometimes try something different.

Alcohol use was mainly restricted to the weekends and one Friday night we were at home and partaking of a drink or several. Now, some of you may remember a very funny American comedy show called “Dream On” which was shown on Friday evenings by Channel 4 in the early nineties. “Dream On” was an early HBO programme and, as such, was rather adult at times.

On the evening in question, the lead character, Martin Tupper, was involved in some sexual shenanigans with a very fetching young lady. Amongst their activities, was the use of aerosol cream to make circles around the lady’s nipples. “We should try that some time” says a mildly inebriated Ping Pang – “Well we’ve got some of that squirty cream in the fridge” says the former Mrs Ping Pang, and off I went.

Having procured the cream we set about getting naked and the ex suggested that I apply it to her in the same way as Martin Tupper had to his paramour. I, however, had other ideas and decided to apply the dairy-based foodstuff to her lady garden. We both giggled for a bit and I then announced my intention to remove the cream using my mouth.

After a couple of mouthfuls, I began having serious regrets. A combination of a bit too much alcohol, squirty cream that had possibly been in the fridge a couple of days too long, and my ex’s propensity to have slightly pungent curtains led to me feeling rather strange. I lifted my head to tell her that maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea, and promptly threw up all over her.

After that we returned to strictly vanilla-style, off with the lights and up with the nightie sex, although I should point out that since meeting the current Mrs Ping Pang I have become a sexual thundergod and will try anything (but only once).
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Fri 7 Aug 2009, 21:41, 2 replies)

Sexual Thundergod
Thor blimey! Gets a click from me :-)
( Chum Gnomesky Nom Chompsky, Sat 8 Aug 2009, 9:01, closed)

No
It's because he always leaves the woman Thor afterwards!
(Wooden meal is. Or is he?, Sat 8 Aug 2009, 18:04, closed)