Roll up, Roll up!

Pooflake Independent Traders ltd is proud to present:

*drumroll*

The ‘When is the fucking QOTW going to change this week?’ super-deluxe-mega-tastic fun-fun-fun sweep stake!

Simply deposit your £1.50* in my paypal account and you'll be able to place your bet.

Our dead clever computer system thingemybob will process your punt and the lucky winner could receive anything up to seventeen (yes that’s right, seventeen!) whole English pounds!!!*

£££££ SIGN UP NOW!!! £££££

Current odds:

Before 10am: 10000/1 (aka not a cunting black forest gateaux’s chance in Fern Britton’s dressing room)
10am – 11am: 75/1
11:01am – 12pm: 50/1
12:01pm – 1pm: 25/1
1:01pm – 2pm: 10/1
2:01pm – 3pm: 5/1
After 3:01pm – 7/2f

I’m also taking outside bets on:

‘They’ll probably forget again like they did last week and it will be about 6 O’bastard clock at night before it changes…by which time I’ll be back home and I’ll miss the whole spacking thing’ – evens

and: ‘ ‘I don’t give a badger’s bell-end when it changes, as long as it happens before I knack my keyboard by repeatedly pressing F5’ – 3/1

Also proving very popular is: ‘The very second I go for a piss / dump / get called to a meeting’ - 75/1

Only really clever and sexy people will have the pure blatant brilliant-ness to realise that this is a once in a week lifetime opportunity!

Just take a look at what some of our past munters punters have to say:

“I thought it would be another one of those ‘scam’ things I hear so much about, so I felt a proper twat when I won first prize” - Ethel, Droitwich

“As soon as I placed my bet I immediately became more attractive to laydees and my cock grew by 4 inches” - Barry, Doncaster

So give me your money before this incredible offer runs out! (actually, you’ll probably have loads of time)

WIN WIN WIN, LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY, FUN FUN FUN, not at all exploitation etc.



Disclaimer@Fireflier – you’re not allowed to lay the odds on betfair *winks*

* taking into account administration fees, booking costs, wanker tax, and the very likely possibility that I will just take your cash and spunk it all away on frivolous items.
( Pooflake cannot even count to potato..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 9:37, 13 replies)

Axai :)
It works - I'm saved :)

Alternatively in a week, I'm fired....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 8:55, 1 reply)

Been done?
I got Rich quick - he didn't know what hit him :D

(Sorry if it's been done!)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 8:54, Reply)

Money for old, well, plates, well, new plates...
A few years ago, my then boyfriend was working for a ceramics company. He went along to a works sale and bought some bits and pieces backstamped with 'Property of ***. Never to be sold'.

A backstamp is the mark underneath the glaze, which can't be forged. It was all genuine.

The lot cost him about three quid, and were actually design tests for sets of poncy collectables. Their status as unique 'extras' made them the mutt's nuts for collectors.

We put them on ebay and in a few days made enough dosh to buy a spanking state-of-the-art PC for my son, who was about to start his Oxford science degree.

(You know who you are, little b3tard!)

Questions were asked at a high level in the company but no action was possible as a. the items had been legally if mistakenly sold in the first place and b. we had cleverly sold them under my name so the sale couldn't be traced back to an employee.

I still have some pieces carefully wrapped and stashed at home, against my retirement. They can only increase in value.

As an example, one is a commemorative china item, of an expensive type which was only produced in X factory.
However, this one has the backstamp of Y factory, (which was closed down soon afterwards) as it was a one-off glaze trial or something. This makes it a unique, highly collectable 'extra'.

OK, I won't be retiring any time soon on my investments, but it's nice to know they're there!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 7:52, Reply)

Get rich from me
Easy, persuade me that item x is something shiny that i have to have, direct me to it on ebay and charge me a shitload of money for some chrome covered tat that i don't need.

I've been doing that for years...

Am still here by the way, just not as much as i'd like due to the site being work blocked how are you all? :-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 7:01, 10 replies)

Paper Boy
I had a paper route. It was centered around an apartment complex which was populated mostly by 20-30 year old, relatively affluent folks.

So, one day, I am 12 by the way, I was delivering my papers and I passed a large dumpster (trash can, skip) and saw a group of magazines, stacked together and tied up with string.

I thought: Hmmm...magazines, eh? So I sauntered up to check them out and RESULT! They were porn mags!

So I placed them in the woods and finished my deliveries and returned to collect them and slip them into my paper bag.

Word gets around QUICK when you've found a stash of girly mags. Over here, they were ACE mags: OUI, Penthouse, some of the racier porn mags. So guys started coming up to me after school and saying things like "Listen, I wanna buy one of your mags!"

So I sold them for $1 each...unless they were particularly racey, then I sold them for $2. I figured it was a short lived experience. Until:

The following month, about mid-month, once again, there was a stack of those lovelies near the dumpster. The bonus here is that whoever it was that was putting them out there, they were decent enough to put them OUTside the dumpster, and not in it!

For six months this went on. I was absolutely raking it in! I would secret them underneath of my Dad's radial saw. A PERFECT hiding place...or so I thought!

Until the day my Father decided he wanted to move the saw to vauum the sawdust underneat it. I was busted! My Father DID have a moment (unfortunately, I learned this LATER) where he was envious of my mercantile abilities, but he got through that pretty quickly before he 'tanned my hide.'

I got rich. But as in most things in life: there was a price to be paid!
Cheers!

Citadel
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 6:03, Reply)

Slight Pearoast
After I had my first "adult" (post-studenty) craziness event (ahem) in 2002 and took three months off I tried to get back into work in the UK and - given that I work in a fairly specialist profession - my craziness had gotten around and no-one was prepared to offer me a job.

This caused me not some little concern. In my previous roles I'd been quite successful in the provision of patentable technologies and in accuracy etc and now no-one wanted to employ me? "Fcuk 'em", as I believe I may have said once or twice.

So - I started contracting, and have been ever since. Instead of making ~£40,000 / annum, I started making €600 / day (€12,000 / month).

I'm now making a bit more than that but - as covered previously, I've no job security but I'm happy. Still able to take admissions to hospital and take my meds when necessary at my convenience.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 5:31, Reply)

Too late for clicks but it works.
1) Advertise a seminar.
Call it "How to make $10,000 in two weeks- guaranteed."

2) Rent a hall or conference centre. One that seats say, 250 people. Pay no more than $2500 for the venue.

3) Sell 250 tickets for $50 each.

4) Read them the above post.

If you follow it to the letter, and don't diddle daddle, there is your money making scheme!
(Edktstsss, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 5:19, Reply)

i've sold sperm (as described in a previous qotw).
i've faked autographs and sold the books/records/sports items. i pick up odd jobs on accasion (painting mostly, but other contract work). also done some nonsense photography and porn-making (both sides of the camera, but don't go looking for pics of me unless you are mad). sold junk online more than a few times - books mostly, as i used to deal in them quite a lot (sold off about 90% of my personal collection just this past year).

i'll also kill your enemies for a fee. email in my profile if you want to hire me.
( postbear has metal knees, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 4:44, Reply)

Get rich quick
Buy some second hand shoes from a charity shop.
Open an ebay account.
Take a pic of your feet wearing the shoes, dont forget to slop on a bit of mud and a splat of chewing gum on the sole.
Wax lyrical about well worn, a bit sweaty, gay interest etc.
Dont believe me?
I just saw a manky pair of trainers not fit for the bin sell for £82 with a description like that.
Sods
Ive got feet like the elephant man so it wont work for me.
(insomniac-surfer hates her username but cant think of anything else, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 1:48, Reply)

Buy a shitload of cheap paracetamol...
...pull apart the capsules, empty them out (or don't!) and refill them with herbal pish and nonsense (or don't) and repackage them as Golden Root Complex or The Original Blue Pill. On the back of the box, leave no clear description of what they do and just make vague claims that they're the perfect "pill for adults". People will buy these placebos thinking they'll improve their sexlife when really they'll make no difference at all except for confidence.

Of course, the few miserable sods who suffer from ED and think they're problems are over will be furiously disappointed and most probably end up driving knitting needles through their temples, but hey ho, rich rich rich!
( MeekMan Trying to reinvent the toaster since, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 1:02, 3 replies)

Oh...
Aint it a lovely feeling, I put my lovely, only worn on special occaision, leather jacket once and found a crisp £20, It's like free money!
First post Woo!
(KavyMan Living on the ceiling, no more room down there..., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 0:52, Reply)

Start a Religion
Didn't do Hubbard any harm.

You also get free reign to indoctrinate those too idiotic to make their own decisions with the belief that all of their problems may be solved by spending 75% of their time on their knees muttering to some non-existant entity and asking said entity to also smite down all other idiots too dull-witted to coalesce their own formative opinion (however aneamic and weak willed) in the name of their God the one true God.

APPLY NOW and receive FREE everlasting life, spurious outbursts of hatred towards other ecumenical disciplines, and a lifelong devotion to the misguided assumption that you, yes YOU, are indeed doing God's work.

Terms and Conditions may apply; Offer open only to those willing to overlook rampant theocracy driven wars, child abuse, incest, murder, hypocrisy and the possibility of an afterlife where you may in actuality be judged for the above. Individual deities can not be held accountable for any discomfort in the after life experienced by said persons perpetrating cuntish actions in the former. All consumer rights remain.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 6 Aug 2008, 23:50, 2 replies)