Have you ever noticed
how some charities are hugely successful while others drag along, grateful for our foreign coinage and sponsored egg-and-spoon race proceedings? Cancer charities, for example, are often huge successes because many people have seen someone they care about going through cancer and know how awful it is. Famous people rally our support and tell us about what they went through - Kylie, for one. It's seen as a righteous cause (and justly so) and it's one that's easily promoted - buy a glittery ribbon, a wristband, a special t-shirt from George at ASDA, join a big group of people walking a paltry distance while dressed in pink. (Mental health charities, on the other hand, get much less exposure because mental illness is so stigmatised and poorly understood by the majority of the population. Not so marketable, see?)

The sufferers should also be cute - the cuter the better. A fluffeh kitteh will be oh-so appealing to the animal lover who weeps at the thought of such a sweet little cat being left in the rain (it was probably a bad cat, okay? It probably shit all over the carpet).

What trumps a kitten? A weak and fragile child. So much the better if it's a weak and fragile child with a) blonde hair or b) no hair.

Want to make money fast? Get yourself a high visibility jacket, some ribbon, a bucket and a thin, sickly child who looks like they can't afford the next round of chemo. You'll be quids in.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:39, 20 replies)

They really can be manipulative See-You-Next-Tuesdays...
They might as well be shouting
"Give us your money or kitteh will snuff it!"

Fortunately, on the way to the bank this lunchtime I spotted the chuggers before they spotted me. I think I've finally perfected the evil "Sorry, but I really haven't got the fucking time" scowl, because none of them tried to accost me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:49, closed)

If you can't find a sickly child
shave it and hit it around the head a few times to create that "delicately bruised and fragile skin" look.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:50, closed)

I'm invisible to chuggers
it's my special power. I think it's because I'm cloaked in my enormous aura of bitterness.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:50, closed)

Have a click CHCB
You're spot on. As unpallatable as it may be, even our conscience is exploitable by clever marketing.

This isn't going to turn into a rant against the McCanns, for whatever happened to little Madeline, she sure as hell didn't deserve it. However it bugs me greatly that not quite so photogenic families will suffer similar traumas and be relegated to incidental news.

Likewise the analogy about mental health charities. Even in 2008, the issue of mental health per se is still swept under the carpet like a shameful secret.

And that sucks.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:55, closed)

My approach to chuggers
is to make eye contact from as far away as possible and hold their stare all the way up until they ask "excuse me sir, can you spare 5 minutes for the footless donkeys of outer mongolia?"

A smile and a simple "No." without breaking my stride always seems to leave them a little less enthusiastic and stops them bothering me again.
( Moey, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:56, closed)

Chuggers- I have found the way.
Them: Excuse me, can I have a minute?
Me: Yes, but I'd like to ask you something first. Are you a volunteer?
Them: Um, no.
Me: So if I were to give you some money, there's no guarantee that I wouldn't just be paying for you to stand on the street with your clipboard annoying people and generally getting in the way?

At this point you may leave. Has added benefits of giving you evil feelings of happies.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:57, closed)

@MM
Now that sounds effective. It's almost tempting to go back there tomorrow and try it out on them...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 17:59, closed)

agreed!
mental health gets less money then animals. ok, animals may well be cute and need help, put the way i see it is human are priority one. and even if im being selfinsh, my chances of developing schizophrenia may be low, but they are substantionaly higher then becoiming a neglicted puppy.

an interesting side note, the british red cross gets no help from the government, yet are always first on the scene at home or overseas. take the 5 mins to fill out a for for £5 a month, might just save some one you loves life.
(Mong goose, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:02, closed)

@ supreme crow
It really really is. It's also a great way of cheering yourself up. Along with switching the airport off on the laptops in Apple stores, then watching as the internet freeloaders with no English try to figure out what's wrong.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:02, closed)

Airport?
(Windows / Linux user...I don't understand this Apple talk)

But yes, I would prefer a method that made me feel a bit more smug - I have to put a lot of effort into looking sufficiently unapproachable, and I don't really come away with any feeling of self-satisfaction.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:03, closed)

as much as I'm laughing.....
...that can be frighteningly true.

"Wear this cap Jerry!"
"Why?"
"Cos it makes you look ill."

/Phoenixnightblog
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:09, closed)

Damn right
The last person who approached me in the street for charity money (I forget which one, but it wasn't a mental health charity) asked me as I was walking away "don't you want to talk to a pretty girl?". I hestitated and she twirled her hair saying, "I could twirl my hair for you" at which point I cracked. My line, "How about you and me retire somewhere more intimate, have a few drinks and see what happens" didn't go down too well!
(lost, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:14, closed)

@mong goose
Your chances of developing schizophrenia are 1/100 (although much reduced if you are over 30), which is not a small chance. There are other mental illnesses like bipolar disorder that can be just as horrible. Yet no-one talks about it. If I mention my own paranoid schizophrenia nine times out ten people will tell me I'm making excuses, because it is generally accepted, tacitly, that we all have similar mind-makeup and any pesky deviancy is a fault.
(lost, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 18:20, closed)

What you say is very true, CHCB
But personally I'd be more swayed by the cute kitten than the baldy kid.

Even the little line art cartoons of the cats and dogs on the PDSA van makes me warm inside!

BTW - For whoever asked, Airport is what Apple calls wi-fi.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 19:05, closed)

My brother
is rather on the massive side. Some charity worker in the street said 'Can I stop you for a minute?' My brother replied 'You can try.'
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 21:59, closed)

Mental Health
Obviously British people are heartless - in Australia mental health is the cause du jour... as long as you are a celebrity shithead in need of an excuse, or you distance yourself from actual mental illness sufferers.
ie www.beyondblue.org.au
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 8:26, closed)

@dumbmonkey
I like that...I may have to bulk up via the medium of pie and try it.

_{(Any excuse to eat more pie...)}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 11:53, closed)

The way to avoid the chuggers...
in my experience is to wear mirrored sunglasses.

This is because they choose their prey from about 15m away and use their evil eyes to reel them in like a dolphin trapped in a fish net.

Avoid the eyes.

Also, if its not sunny and sunglasses are uneccessary, wear them anyway and they will avoid you because you are clearly a posing idiot and therefore unlikely to give money to charity.
(ptentacle, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 15:01, closed)

donkeys
You forgot to mention donkeys looking like they're about to cry.

I tell the bastards I've already signed up for it and just walk off. Last time I signed up for one of them (not one of the ones where you give money/bank details there and then) I kept getting calls on my mobile and ended up changing my fecking mobile number as I was geting up to 10 calls a day.

Incidently, why the hell would I want to give my BANK DETAILS to someone on the street? I thought you got taught not to do that kind of thing.
(lei, Sun 3 Aug 2008, 15:37, closed)

Vivisectionists.
I like Jimmy Carr's method; go to the desk/pasting table and ask for the pictures as if they were posters for sale.
(ice9, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 16:56, closed)