Ok, I’ll admit it…perhaps not the ‘quickest’ way…

Step 1: Have an IQ the equivalent of a squashed asparagus in a bucket of sick

Step 2: Develop unhealthy gun obsession and ‘stalker’ mentality

Step 3: Shoot Jill Dando*

Step 4: Get banged up for a few years at the taxpayer’s expense
(Note: you may think this is enough of a result for a certified fuckspack, but it gets better)

Step 5: Get freed after forensic evidence is not allowed in the appeal, and the defence is based around the fact that because you are as thick as pigshit, you couldn’t possibly do anything horrid. (despite your previous convictions for attempted rape and indecent assault).

Step 6: Get fucking great wadges of wonga in compensation (again at the taxpayer’s expense)

Step 7: Sell story to newspapers for 5 figure sum.

Step 8: Ker-ching!



Who’s the ‘thickie’ now eh?


But it’s alright ladies…he’s promised to not stalk any more…because he says he ’knows it’s wrong’


Justice Vs Barry George – whoever wins…we lose.

*(I realise this one is a bit difficult now – so find someone else…may I recommend Noel Edmonds?)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 5 Aug 2008, 9:44, 10 replies)

Aaaah, but
The impression I got was not that the forensic evidence had been disallowed, but that it was so stunningly tenuous that it wasn't reliable evidence. Like the low copy DNA evidence used to try and convict the Omagh bombers.

The other thing was that it appeared to be a superbly planned hit, given the almost total lack of evidence left behind.

Now, Barry George might be a total cunt, but being a total cunt and being an expert hitman are two quite different things. And a jury of his peers have looked at the evidence available and have concluded that there is not enough proof to be sure he was the man that pulled the trigger.

So we have to take it as read that that is the case. We don't have a perfect justice system, but if it is decided that it got it wrong, surely the person who has been locked up wrongly deserves compensation?

I daresay you didn't begrudge the Birmingham Four or the other "Provincial Town" "Number" people getting compensated for all the years they lost in prison once it was shown they had been stitched up by the police? They might have been total cunts as well.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 10:56, closed)

other possible candidates instead of the Dando =
Anne Robinson
Pierce Morgan
Anyone from "Hollyoaks" who isn't a part-time model
Sir Alan Sugar
One of the Tellytubbies
Mr Blobby
MacGuyver (although he'd most probs kick your ass with SCIENCE)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:07, closed)

You couldn't
kill MacGuyver. He'd just run through the Stargate.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:08, closed)

Ah Al...

I know you're right...I am just too cynical.

However, the 'Professional Hit' thing never really sat right with me either. I found it too easy to put down to police incompetance.

It reminded me of the episode of the Simpsons where the police are looking for Principal Skinner and don't hear him shouting...and that scene in Life of Brian where they're looking for the People's Front of Judea and after 2 searches they only find a spoon.

There might have been a smoking gun at the scene next to a letter of confession and they probably didn't find it because they were too busy looking up Dando's skirt and going through her knicker drawer looking for vibrators to sniff...

*books trip to Hull*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:14, closed)

Hmmm,
when you put it like that, I think I'd probably be doing the same thing!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:16, closed)

OJ
didn't do it either.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:17, closed)

I just love
the "I couldn't have killed her, I was stalking someone else" defence, thats sheer genius.

I didn't kill xxx, I was too busy butchering a 17 year old girl up in Brazil and sticking the bits in a suitcase at the time
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 12:21, closed)

LOL @pooflake
Where is the "I like this" button in replies?
(Miggyman, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 13:26, closed)

@ Halfy
Ha!

Best defence ever!

'Hiding Maddie's taken up all me time and effort guv'nor!'
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 15:25, closed)

Justice Vs Barry George – whoever wins…we lose.
Too right we do. The multi agency monitoring at £ridiculous amounts per annum, having a huge mental out *not* stalking women any more and having to see that slopey foreheaded spacktard staring out vacantly from every fucking paper for the foreseeable future.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 21:38, closed)