I still look back on this and cringe
I have never been good with women, I’m a very confident guy, but when I fancy someone, I lock up and become silly. One story I remember from school goes like so:

When i was about 15/16, i was besotted by a girl called Gemma. She was amazing, had an amazing figure, an amazing laugh, and was a great flirt.

I looked forward to the classes we would be in together, and would hate the days she was off. We became good friends, and ended up sharing the same science course. We would regularly go to the library after school. She would study, but as i saw it as a chance to look at her (not in a pervy way - well, perhaps a bit, but mainly because just to look at her sent waves of pleasure throughout me) I hardly ever got any studying done because of this, but she never knew that.

One day, she invited me and another friend to her grandma’s house to help study. She said we could stay over as her Nan was away and she was house sitting. I arrived and found she already had a friend there. She left soon after, leaving me and Gemma alone. She then explained that our other friend wouldn’t be coming. so it would be just us two, alone. My hormone filled mind starts racing on possibilities, why HAS she invited me here.. ?

So... we begin by getting out books to read.

we realise after about 10 minutes this was boring, instead we cook some food and spend the next 3 hrs watching Titanic. Then Bed time.

I had not made any advance on Gemma, but i wanted her so bad. My mind was shouting all sorts of things at me:

Should i make a pass? nah, she doesnt fancy me... or does she? she invited me here - on our own... nah - she just wants to study.

Then bedtime, she wondered off to her nans bedroom and i walked over to the sofa, fluffed up a pillow and closed my eyes. Gemma then popped her head around the door and invited me to her nans bedroom

"im not going to bite you know" she giggled

i was confused.

"this beds big enough for two people" she squeaked in her amazingly sexy voice.

and so i followed her, clenching my fists shouting yes, yes! Secretly to myself...

we lay down either side of the bed.

Then the questions in my head started, i didn’t want to risk loosing her i was a close friend, and being that close wasn’t worth risking.

my adrenalin level had never been so high.

Just to be that close when i more or less love her would be too much to risk. Should i put my arm on her? should i hug her? NO i cant, i could loose everything!!


and there i lay, not even making a pass at her my eyes wide awake, she slept. and i just watched her. Even though i could not kiss her, or hug her for fear i would loose her forever, i was content (to an extent) with what i had. 6hrs later she woke up. I left. Cursing my self all the way home.

My Nieve brain clouding my judgment.

I look back and wonder what could have been. She was my princess, my heart, my everything, and she never knew.

a few years passed and i went to Uni, and got that call.

"Russ!"

"oh Hi Gem - what’s up?"

"I’m going to be a mummy"

"Great!" i said in the best possible convincing voice, when in reality i had just been shot with a bowling ball to the stomach. she had got preganant to a lad she had been seeing for a few months.

I have seen her once since, this was about 8 yrs ago. I still love her.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:50, 5 replies)

I feel your pain!
I know that feeling, it made me finally sit up and think that you have to seize the day.

Some of life's lessons are the harshest...

*EDIT*
Just read Vipros' reply, same here. I was in an unhappy place with my ex, I met someone on a a night out, nothing happened and we chatted so I decided that I had to finish things and...
seize the day!

Well worth it!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:54, closed)

to think about it now
makes me feel sick..

but youre right.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 14:55, closed)

Seize the day
Yet another painful lesson - I'm going to drum this into my children once I pluck up the courage to ask out the lovely ladies.

I regularly have dreams about those ones which I let get away. I hate the younger me for being so bloody naive and leaving me with so many "If I knew then what I know now..." feelings.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:13, closed)

this is why I'm glad that my gf and I realised things when we did
I was with someone at the time, and we would shortly be leaving uni, probably to never see each other again (mostly because I'm lame at keeping in touch with people)

something had to be done

it was hard at the time, but well worth it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 15:35, closed)

fanny

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 19:21, closed)