TOILET TENNIS!!!
racket drawn on each side - on the left it says look right and on the right it says look left and, the best bit A BALL ON THE DOOR!! .....amazing.
( b3rnard - ambidextrous & dyslexic, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:30, Reply)

Tesco
I used to work in Tesco, and so, while sitting on the loo, trying to shake off my hangover at 6:00 in the morning (on a Saturday as well), the idle graffiti on the tiles next to me always gave me mild amusement, particularly this little gem. "Working in Tesco is like living in slow motion".

Also, I saw a garbage lorry today with "Free Airbag Test" and arrows pointing downward written in the grime.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:20, Reply)

Johnny Machine
On the condom machine of my student union's toilets was scrawled

"FOR REFUND, INSERT BABY"
(Choaderboy, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:19, Reply)

It's true...
Written on a wall near Victoria train station in Manchester:

"Smoking kills millions of people everyday".

To which someone added in different writing:

"Non-Smoking kills millions of people everyday. FACT!"

I laughed anyway..
( Rolypoly Has decided, by decree, that todays date will be, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:15, Reply)

In the toilets of the Physics floor, Glasgow University Library
"Heisenberg was probably here" and on the other wall "...or over here and moving quite quickly"
(KingTubby, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:07, Reply)

In Newtown, a suburb of Sydney
"INXS are back!"

I don't know quite why it makes me laugh so much. Perhaps it's the exclamation mark.
(C Chops, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:02, Reply)

Heheh Steamer just reminded me...
...of a flyposting prank I saw on the back of a bus - a photocopied sheet with glue on the back slapped on, basically.

It was mostly a headshot of a grinning 1970's era John Thaw with the caption 'GET A MOVE ON YOU TART!', subbed with, 'YOU'VE JUST BEEN SWEENIED'*

Again, pissed myself at the time and smile whenever I think about/remember it. Before the gift of camera-phones was ours though, sadly or I stilll would have had that one now :)

* en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sweeney
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Mon 7 May 2007, 0:00, Reply)

You buggering bollocking shite buckets
and I don't mean that in a twatty way.

I've been a member of B3TA for nearly 3 years now and never, NEVER, have I recognized myself in any post until now.

Now I have. You buggers. I'll hunt you down and find your mum and rape her. Twice.
( no longer a user, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:59, Reply)

Not the best ever...
but still made me chuckle

Apologies if it's on here already
( Bamboo Steamer, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:54, Reply)

In college again...
...when myself and my mates were doing an assignment on advertising and had to come up with a campaign for air fresheners, I myself scrawled this on a toilet stall wall.

'Are you bothered by DISTURBING household aromas?'

And then forgot I did it within hours, as taking the piss out of shake 'n' vac ladies was a frequent activity that fortnight. I happened back a few weeks later to rediscover it and find a reply:

'I am right now. Does that count?'

Maybe he thought there was a prize in the offing or something.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:51, Reply)

Shoot the Moon
A chav filled estate close to me had a spate of graffiti a few years ago. Every spare bit of wall was covered with 'Shoot the Moon' it all seemed fairly innocent until you found out that the local policeman was PC Moon.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:43, Reply)

At school, physics text book, section on electronics
"Resistance is useless."

Still makes me laugh 19 years later.
( john3ners has relocated to the Highlands, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:39, Reply)

Those Pesky Kids
Reading is apparently awash with graffiti. The local rag says so. I walk past just one bit every day. It just says "Those Pesky Kids". Makes me chuckle. Apparently (according to the local rag), this is ALL over town (how did I not notice?), but is occasionally urbanified to read "Those Pesky Kidz". Kidz, eh?
( Whodathunkit, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:36, Reply)

Another one that always tickles me...
...in this small green parky walky bit on my way to work, there are kissing gates at either end. You know, the kind that aren't supposed to let cows or bikes or conjoined twins though without a fight?

On the gate at one end facing you as you leave to rejoin the main road, someone's simply put:

'CHEERIO'

See, when vandalism makes you smile it instantly takes on higher purpose - little did that chav-wiv-a-marka know it, but they've done more service to the community in that one inspired action than they'll ever consciously accomplish in thier entire life. One to spare from the wall when the revolution comes? Maybe not.

Still, always makes me smile :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:32, Reply)

On a train to somewhere or other in the Midlands...
...one of the station stops had housing developments springing up pretty much on top of it. The developers had decided to use the passage of hundreds of potential buyers-in-a-can per day to advantage by putting up a sign which read:

'You would be home now if you lived here'

Someone had chosen to put in script underneath it what was no doub't on everyone's mind:

'OH NOW YOU DON'T FUCKIN SAY DO YA!!!!!'

Now I'm with Pratchett on multiple punctuation marks but still, it needed to be said :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:27, Reply)

White Van
"Please overtake quietly. Immigrants sleeping"

Genius
(The_Reaper, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:21, Reply)

Am I penalised for reposting the same item...
...for two weeks on the trot? Anyway, my brother...
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:19, Reply)

David Shrigley
not quite graffiti but the same idea of urban intervention is the artist David Shrigley's stuff, ie.

( octopus footwear raaa, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:17, Reply)

Oooh, and another one on a rock in the Highlands
Beside the road going through Cluanie, there is a rock the size of a car. It may have worn off now, but a long time ago it said, in small letters low down on one side "See bottom for details"

Length? No, more the weight really.
(gordonjcp, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:13, Reply)

Spamtastic
When the olympics were in Atlanta, my family went to see the gymnastics event. My sister used a port-a-potty with the following enscribed inside:

When days were old
And nights were bold
And toilets were not invented
You'd lay your load
Upon the road
And walk away contented
(I bape rabies Let's go get Chick-fi-A!, Sun 6 May 2007, 23:00, Reply)

Ooh... another.


Allow me to explain:
Mikhail is a young man at my school who is Malaysian and kind of amazing.

Ergo: "Mikhail = king of all brown men"
(I bape rabies Let's go get Chick-fi-A!, Sun 6 May 2007, 22:59, Reply)

As seen in the toilets at bae systems.
Personal favourites from my former employee's various toilet cubicles...

"Is the opposite of pay increment, pay excrement or is it just shit pay?"

As seen on the toilet roll dispenser - "Wage Slips - Please take one" (Similar to one I've seen at Hull Uni which says "Pyschology Degrees - Please take one").

One bit of graffiti from an angsty employee said
"FUCK SHIT BOLLOCKS AND WANK!"

Followed by the reply of "A Man with great vision"

Followed by "No, a man with great coordination"
(The Graduate Adding to the confusion since 1974, Sun 6 May 2007, 22:47, Reply)

University of Sussex, 1997, Boiler House Hill.
It was a road leading out of the university, going up quite a steep incline. Of course, there was a dashed white line running up the middle.




To which someone had added a pair of scissors signifying where to cut.
( S tr app y, Sun 6 May 2007, 22:44, Reply)

Warning Sign
On a gate saying Beware Of The Dog. Someone had written underneath - He is very sarcastic. Still makes me laugh
(pixiebelle, Sun 6 May 2007, 22:15, Reply)

Grout
There is a meme at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and several other California universities, of writing grout-based puns on the grout between the bathroom tiles. This phenomenon is famous enough to get some internet attention, as proven here:

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Grout
svendavis.com/goodtimes/081904whizkid.htm

Mostly shows up in the main library and several of the science buildings. My contributions? "Oscar the Grout" and "Grout out loud"

Being written in the recesses between the tiles, on the porous grout, they are both subtle and fairly indelible so they tend not to get washed off.
(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Sun 6 May 2007, 21:47, Reply)

Fisto was the First...
Urban Legend? Who knows
If you grew up or lived in Sheffield/Rotherham in the late 80's early 90's you will no doubt have seen oodles of tags by 'Fist' or 'Fisto'

Every motorway bridge proclaimed 'FISTO' in big blue letters, all public buildings, library, train station etc the same.
Buses, Trains, nothing was safe.
The Daily Mail brigade got pissed off, and plod announced a crackdown on Fisto.

Scroll forward to I think 1998 and Fisto is finally appprehended, sent down or whatever, and the tagging stops. Over the next few years his almost iconic name dissapears as it was finally painted over or washed off.

The punch line? He wanted to be the first to tag everywhere, so decided that his tag would be 'First'.

Unfortunately he spelt it wrong, so it was 'Fist', which became 'Fisto'.

Is that a true story? If you know, let me know, and if you want Snopes to debunk it, Click 'I like this'.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 6 May 2007, 21:41, Reply)

re: Capitalism is boring
there is a bit of graffiti on the Portway in Bristol where I go running stating this. the response is particularly Bristolian in it's bluntness. "FUCK OFF THEN".

Made me giggle all the way home.
(DissolvedMynci, Sun 6 May 2007, 21:38, Reply)

Not what but where
On my way into London on the train from Surrey i was gazing out of the window when some very colourful and illegible graffiti caught my eye.

I noticed that it was on the corigated iron roof of a building. The top of the walls of the building were covered in the spikes that stop pigeons from landing there and there were other tall walls surrounding the building also with barbed wire on the top of said walls.

I suddenly had a vision of some SAS type chavs with grappling hooks and spray cans and cracked up laughing. I got some very funny looks i can tell you.
(bushman, Sun 6 May 2007, 21:29, Reply)

abbreviated
I remember when I was about 13 or so, we all would rush to the cafeteria so we could wait in line and see what it was we are were being treated to today. My best friend and I were reading the lunch menu and it had its usual mess of food, fish sticks or meat loaf, corn or green beans, roll and ... my favorite,
Ass. Fruit
i walked up to the lunch lady and inquired as to what exactly ass fruit was, cause boy would i like some ^_^
(sammichofdoom, Sun 6 May 2007, 21:25, Reply)

From a wall in New York...
Someone had written "NIGGER'S OUT", completed underneath in a separate hand with "BUT HE'LL BE BACK LATER".

Pop! My first post!
(Fucksticks, Sun 6 May 2007, 20:59, Reply)