Oi Badger, I'm talking to you!
You even think about laying a finger on my cousin (even though she's 17 now) and I'll peel your skin off like an onion. Then sprinkle with vinegar. Then remove your eyes with a blunt gimlet.

Then I'll pull your tongue out and remove it with a blunt knife.

And finally, I'll invert you, shove a funnel up your anus and pour boiling oil into it. [1]

[1] Which is what they did to one of the Henrys at Berkeley Castle, so history records.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 14:57, 1 reply)

Erm...don't you mean 18?
There's something not quite right here.*

"So, where's the sexual fantasy come into it? Only some kind of nonce could read a sexual fantasy into that situation.

So, research clearly indicates that 1. you can't recognise a joke when you see one (see earlier link) and 2. you're a fucking nonce who got a boner when I mentioned my 10-year-old cousin. Who, btw, is now 18"

^your comments from the noncepunch thread

*You're a nonce
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 16:02, closed)

17. She's 18 in about 3 weeks. Close enough dammit.

And I'd still kill any fucker that laid a finger on her.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 17:36, closed)

Don't do it, you have too much to live for!

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 17:57, closed)

I'm pretty sure 'close enough dammit' won't hold up in court, just so you know.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 18:18, closed)

I doubt it.
I'm sure you'd be overcome with jealousy but you sound like a massive fucking damp melt. You'd probably just hide somewhere and sniffle into your cardigan sleeve. You nonce.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 19:36, closed)

Actually I'm an expert in martial arts...
I'm a black belt in origami.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 20:12, closed)