Lyndon Yorke
About seven years ago I moved in a hurry in to a rented house in Marlow, Bucks. It was all done in a rush (I had to move quickly – see other post for reason) & so didn’t really check out the neighbours before moving.

I found out a couple of months after moving in that my next door neighbour had won an award for being “Britain’s Most Eccentric Man” (Google “Lyndon Yorke” for details). For the first year or so everything was fine – I would occasionally see him tinkering with an old car or something but he and I both kept ourselves to ourselves.

Then I came home from work one day and there it was… a fucking gun turret… four foot high & six foot in diameter on the flat garage roof next to my house. What a fucking eyesore. I first reaction was to move house, but I liked where I lived & didn’t have the money to move either. I contacted the local council – they said it didn’t require planning permission so there was nothing they could do.

The gun turret stayed on the roof for a couple of years, despite my neighbour being fully aware that none of his neighbours liked it being there. Then it blew off the roof in a storm, missing my car by inches. I was delighted & hoped that would be the last of it, but no. Mr Eccentric repaired the cunting thing & put it back on the roof – with an added feature. A bright white rotating light that he would plug in every day as soon as it got dark. Spoke to the council again – the eyesore still didn’t require planning permission so still nothing they could or would do.

So it remained for a few more months & I was constantly getting annoyed by it and also getting tired of my mates taking the piss. It then got worse. The local paper reported that Mr Eccentric was to appear on Ready Steady Cook as part of their Comic Relief week. I dutifully sky+’d the programme ready to have a 1984 style 2 minute hate at the TV when I watched it.

A few minutes in to the programme & Ainsley Harriot is chatting to Mr Eccentric about his “inventions” (see www.lyndonsmachines.co.uk for details of these). The interview was concluded by Ainsley saying “I’d love to be one of your neighbours – then I could pop round whenever I liked to see what you were working on” FFS!!!! Ainsley you annoying cunt – if only you knew! As you can imagine, the piss take from my friends (and my blood pressure) increased even more after this.

The turret remained for another year or so after that, still with the rotating white light on every night. Then apparently one night someone managed to climb up on to the roof, unplug the rotating white light, untie the bungie cords that were holding the gun turret in place & smash it to pieces.

Shame.

The rozzers were called the next morning & wanted to know where I had been the night before (in the pub – honest) and I received quite a lot of accusations from an eccentric, upset neighbour, who clearly didn’t give a fuck that he had imposed his way of life on everyone else for the last few years.

He sold up & moved a couple of months later. I have no idea who’s life he is spoiling now but good luck to them.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 13:34, 5 replies)

Well, you don't sound like a humourless curtain twitching Mail reading everybody-must-fit-in-or-else-er AT ALL.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 8:19, closed)

some tosser had stuck a fucking great eyesore right next to his house
with a light on it. being annoyed and upset is perfectly reasonable.

you really are a dickhead.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:10, closed)

yeah
because there's nothing annoying about a fucking great flashing gun next to your bedroom curtians AT ALL
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:55, closed)

I might be a lot of things
but I certainly DO NOT read the Mail.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 13:48, closed)

Fucking dirty bastard.
Ignore.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Tue 6 Oct 2009, 11:06, closed)