I have never set foot in a nightclub and never will. I don`t see the fun in gettin so drunk you don`t know what your doing and having to listen to some rubbish blaring out of speakers.
p.s anyone know when the QOTW will chang this week?
(Nahla, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:24, 43 replies)

CHANG CHANG CHANG WITH THE TROLLY

( __, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:25, closed)

.
DING DING DING WENT THE BELL
(TheColonel, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:52, closed)

Zing, zing, zing
went the fucktard
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:58, closed)

So...
... You've posted simply in order to explain why you won't be posting? Don't worry: we wouldn't have noticed your absence.

The question will change on Thursday when Mike or Alistair get around to it - same as ever.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:37, closed)

believe it or not
it's not compulsory to get that drunk, and there is the odd club that plays good music.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:44, closed)

Vipros
Don't waste your internet breath mate.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 10:49, closed)

*Proffers retard hat*
I think you dropped this.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:09, closed)

For Fuck's Sake
If you have nowt to contribute then read the stories and laugh at other people's expense!

Chuckles at Spanky kissing another man's cock quietly in the corner...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:14, closed)

Wait...
I thought he kissed teh cock in the middle of the floor?
( snee held his breath since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 16:32, closed)

Well,
That was in the story. Who says Fuckarma is talking about that?
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 0:47, closed)

I'm hoping the new QOTW
will be - 'Staying at home and doing fuck all'.

Should be loads of great answers to that one...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:18, closed)

Oh yes!
Laugh as we are regailed with tales about how a bored nine year old pwned you on WoW!

Cringe as Spanky relates a story about when he got a little bit too friendly with next door's Dyson!

Cry as you read stories about the dull inanities of everyday life!

Yeah... could work!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:28, closed)

Especially cuz
my next-door-neighbours dog is named Dyson...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:32, closed)

I think
I just got the horn.

*horns*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:34, closed)

windup
Do you know all b3tards are soooooooooooo easy to windup I only say something slightly against and everyone takes the piss.]
I personally find it very funny that you get so defensive
(Nahla, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:33, closed)

Speaking personally
I'm not in the least bit wound up - I just generally tend to take the piss all the time.

There have been a fair few questions recently involving getting pissed: Pubs, Unemployed, Nativity Plays (well, I think you need to be drunk to go to one of those fuckers), this week's question.

Put a few suggestions down on the suggestions page, mate. Best way to get the sort of question you'd like to have a crack at.

Cheers
( SpankyHanky, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:38, closed)

Y'see
I doubt many of us actually care. I'm replying out of boredom. However, it is interesting that you post a reply such as the above, as it would lead a third party to assume you were going on the defensive by taking the "Oh I was only joking" line.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:38, closed)

That's it.
A wind up, yeah. That's what I meant it to be, yeah. To get a reaction y'see. Which I did didn't I?

Cunt.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:45, closed)

Oh dear.
Are we getting our user IDs mixed up now? Or are you just playing internet white knight?

Either way, you still look like a paralympian.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:01, closed)

what's more amusing is that you probably are as stupid as you come across
I take very little seriously in real life, as I'm sure a lot of people on here (looking at Spanky at this point) do too, so it's pretty unlikely that anyone takes your comments seriously either, or in fact even gives a shit if they are serious or not.

This may come across like I am in fact serious, but that is not the case. I'm just bored and killing time.

Seriously
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:52, closed)

Wind ups
They're so much nicer to read when they're run through a spell checker and display evidence that the author understands the concept of grammar.

If you're going for shock and awe tactics when deploying the full arsenal of wit at your disposal then it's good to remember the above.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:13, closed)

Wound up?
Oh dear....

Who is more wound up? The winder upper or the widner upper of the winder upper who is actually teh wound up.

For a given value of lemming.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:14, closed)

Testing peoples reaction...........
I clicked this post as I think it is brilliant!
(Pork2311, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:27, closed)

I also hate fun and dancing
and putting my feet in things
(teebie jeebie, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:42, closed)

Talking of putting your feet in things
I ran outside when it was raining one time in bare feet, and trod on a slug.

Ack...
( snee held his breath since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 16:38, closed)

Urk, I did that too
and when my foot hit the slug it shot up between two toes and slimed them up. Uuuuuurrrrk.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 21:24, closed)

I have done that inside.
In a house in Whitstable. All the slugs came inside for some reason. Not a pleasant experience on the way to the toilet in the middle of the night.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 0:52, closed)

I'm so going to regret saying this...
But there are people out there that don't need to drink to enjoy themselves. And before you say anything, they're not boring - they just know how to have a good time without the need for alcohol to reduce their inhibitions. When out in a group, I'm initially asked why I don't drink. After an hour or so they generally agree I don't need to.

As for nightclubs in general, it's a bit hard to say if you don't like them you're boring and unable to enjoy yourself. From the general tone of the posts here, most people's experiences have been of shitty, vomit strewn sweat-boxes fully of ugly fat women.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:14, closed)

Nah
they're just the times when you have a good story to tell...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:20, closed)

^this
no one wants to hear a story where the main protaganist went out, had a thoroughly jolly time, met some charming people, enjoyed some good music and went merrily home to bed without incident.

I've had plenty of good times in clubs. more good than bad. but these days I'd rather hang out with mates somewhere quieter, where we get to choose the music, and crucially, we can smoke.

I've not been in a club since the smoking ban. I bet they are fucking horrible now.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:27, closed)

I suspect age comes into it
The old addage of "When you're young, you're broad of mind and narrow of waist, as you get older you become broad of waist and narrow of mind" comes into play.

I think I just hate enjoyment facists. You know, the "If you don't like my music, your taste is crap" or "If you don't drink, how can you enjoy yourself?" people. They can't see other people can enjoy themselves without doing things THEIR way.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:45, closed)

I've never heard that saying
I like it though.

and I agree with what you are saying, although if you don't like my music, your taste really is crap ;-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 14:02, closed)

Nah, it's horses for courses mate.
Thing is, this guy came over as a condescending little prick- hence the flaming. Personally I don't much like nightclubs either (not counting Corporation in Sheffield), but you don't hear me harping on about how much I dislike them.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:43, closed)

Nightclubs bad, all fours good!
I do not now frequent nightclubs save for stags and other high days and holidays. That is because I like to be able to "have a chat". With my mates, without filling their ears with drool or rupturing their tympanic membranes.

But I must agree condescending prick=flaming.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:56, closed)

Tympanic membranes
I like that
(McChinaman banned, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:20, closed)

Thanks
Acceptance from your peers is such a fragile thing.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 14:24, closed)

Fragile, fleeting, and something else beginning with "f".
So it goes.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 16:51, closed)

Find a decent club and you can have fun there sober on one condition
You have to not be annoyed by the conversation
"what are you drinking"
"cola"
"What!!! Why!?!?!!1"
(teebie jeebie, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:37, closed)

It has it's advantages
The number of parties I went to in my youth, where I was sober, with a camera...

Unless I developed them myself, most pictures I could have taken would never have gotten through Boots. :-O

The real reason for not drinking was because I was generally training for another Karate competition, and keeping my weight in the middle band was a real incentive. The ~13st and upwards band had a LOT of 18st giants in it.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:45, closed)

Why
not just say that you're driving?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:45, closed)

These are people who know me
The concept of me being in charge of sailing a car terrifies them for some reason.
(teebie jeebie, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:55, closed)

no
reply when you have had a night of debauchery with two 21yo brizzle girls... or 4 austrian girls.

until then quiet time...
( zulu eh?, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 21:24, closed)

Plenty of them
But just not the sort of stories that B3TA is made of.
(They may not have funniness required and would possible just come across as sounding like I'm boasting)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 8:46, closed)