Not quite legit, but not bad.
This is more verbal than e-mail. Saying things when you don't realise who's listening (and for how long). I do it so often that I have a humourous little disclaimer afterwards to cushion the blow: 'sorry, I suffer from acute foot in mouth disease'.

Anyway, not even the foot in mouth quip could get me out of this. Boarding school, as you all probably know by now. This year, a load of girls come in. One particularly unattractive girl, let's call her Olga, decided she was going to make advances on me at the start of the year. Luckily, a friend is now going out with her (though he can't stop her wearing short skirts and sitting with her legs WIDE open). Poor sod. Anyway, I digress; I was playing pool one day with a friend, and describing to him a particularly bad bout of Olgic advances that had befallen me that day: 'I hate it when she pushes her thigh up against my arse and presses her breast into my shoulder!' Luckily it wasn't her who had magically appeared when I turned around (though it would have stopped later attempts), but my female housemaster. I said hello with a cheery grin, she was kind enough not to enquire further. I still find myself wondering if she knew whom I was talking about, and quite how much she heard. Perhaps I will never know...

Giles, if you read this, get your girlfriend to:

a) Not wear short skirts. Especially if she favours the 'open-leg' school of sitting.

b) Not wear see-through tops, with buttons several inches apart so that, when standing on one side of her, you can see right through. Particularly in combination with floral print bras.

Of course, a wonderful case of the onosecond was if Giles (or indeed Olga) were to read this just after it was posted. I hope that won't happen. Though it may stop the flashing. *vomits* Vote for me, I'm mentally scarred.

EDIT: This Olga is the same minger about whom 'how can ye have any pudding if ye don't eat yer meat' is talking. There you go Jamie, I dumped you in the shit. Oops.
(Mr_Jums, Thu 26 May 2005, 15:19, Reply)