People who piss about for no good reason while boarding aeroplanes
This is not a difficult or complicated task, people. Your seat number is on your boarding pass. Look at it and memorise it. It is at most two digits and one letter. Even the most braindead spacktard could remember that for three minutes.

When you get on the plane, the rows are numbered, increasing as you walk towards the back. Therefore if you're in row 45, it's a fair bet you'll be near the back. So don't piss about looking at and reading out every row number. "1, 2, 3.... " etc. Row 45 isn't going to be sneakily placed between rows 5 and 6, believe me. Just walk up the aisle, glancing periodically at the row indicators until you're getting close.

Similarly the letters refer to your seat position in the row. A is a window seat on the left (the right as you walk down the aisle) and they increase in alphabetical order across the cabin. On a two-aisle aircraft the helpful crew will direct you to the correct side as you board.

Upon reaching your seat, place your hand luggage in the overhead locker (if it's too heavy for you, why the fuck are you carrying so much stuff?) and sit down in your seat. This may involve asking a fellow passenger to move. Don't just look and point, ask politely if (s)he will let you into your seat.

And it's done. You're on the aircraft. No fuss.

I'm loving this QOTW, by the way. I suggested a rant based question a while ago, as I had lots to moan about. I can feel a load of postings coming on.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:07, 14 replies)

when i fly
it's usually alone and on budget airlines ... i find that the back row, aisle seat, is a handy place to sit as - when they use both doors for disembarking - you get off at the other end pretty quickly ... IMMEDIATELY IN FRONT OF YOU on the rear of the seat in front is an obvious sign saying "no coats/bags/other crap on the floor please because this is an 'emergency' row" or words to that effect ... so i sit with a book, jacket on, small bag in compartment above ... the folk who get on to sit in the window and middle seats EVERY FUCKING TIME put their handbags and coats on the floor, bags on the floor, then the steward/ess has to grab the shite off them and stick it in an overhead 15 seats away and etc etc rant rant, the cunts can't even READ
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:17, closed)

Also
people who have seats at the front, but run up to the desk as soon as boarding is started and then stand in the gangway when you want to get to your seat at the back. I hate them.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:24, closed)

You forgot to mention the twats
who put their boarding cards in their handbag/pocket/wallet then start raking for it and holding up the queue.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 20:29, closed)

TWW I'm shocked
you're surely to sweet and innocent to be using sweary words like that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:41, closed)

Sorry al
I don't even know what it means, I just heard a bad boy saying it.

*goes off to purchase ticket to Hull for telling lies*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 20:44, closed)

well,
three bloody marys and we'll call it quits.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:49, closed)

@al
you buying?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 20:51, closed)

If you bring the almond oil
I'll bring the vodka and tomato juice.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:53, closed)

and the goats of course
*can't believe he nearly forgot the goats*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 20:53, closed)

Deal!
I'll just pop the almond oil in a bowl of warm water to take the chill off ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 21:11, closed)

And i'll pop the goat
in the microwave for two minutes.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:16, closed)

Make sure
you prick it first *sniggers* or it might explode. Burnt goat's a bugger to get off, you know.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 21:18, closed)

*realises this will annoy a lot of people on this board*
but, MFOTFABL (and I say it out loud too).

*pricks goat*

*burns member on goat which is now superheated on the inside*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:22, closed)

Ahem
i've never tried to get a burned goat off. their cum smells like firewood and I don't like it...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 3 May 2008, 2:16, closed)