Your Brutally Honest Lonely Hearts Advert
Having read a lonely hearts page in the local paper, I wonder how YOUR honest profile would appear? I'm not asking to take the mickey out of the people putting adverts in the rag. That would be too easy.

If you were given a limit of 40(ish) words and were BRUTALLY honest about yourself, what would you write? I'll start you off with with my go at this fun little game:

"SCREAMING SELF TO SLEEP AGAIN: Problem-drinking self-obsessed sociopath with honesty issues wltm (but not for long) morally barren human to act as emotional crutch and commitment-free sex object. Believes entitled to everything, unwilling to work for anything. Uninterested in emotion or closeness."

Go on. I dare you!

(With thanks to the_neptunian_number)
(yearsofpractice, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:15, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good one.
Interestingly I was going to post a suggestion very similar. Like, which is the funniest lonely heart ad you have seen?

One that can extend to the likes of hot or not profiles, something said on those sky dating channels etc.
(Miggyman, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:51, Reply)

oooh
can we write them for our exes?

"Abusive, clingy, dependent, overweight, bipolar ball of unfocused rage seeks doormat to bully into marriage. I enjoy heaping harsh, un-called-for abuse on those that love me, throwing epic tantrums whenever I am in any way criticised or disagreed with, and smoking my way out of roughly one job every three months."

That was actually quite theraputic.
(Axeman Jim, Sun 22 Jun 2008, 16:53, Reply)

CVs
Perhaps the scope of this question could be expanded to include CVs too.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 1:56, Reply)

This I like...it's ME I don't like - see below:
Tired, bookish, introverted 40-something with mountainous debt and CSOH (crap sense of humour), WLTM independant, sexy young woman willing to bump off current wife for the insurance and take all the wrap if things go pear-shaped. Must be a shy stunner who enjoys oral sex.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:01, Reply)

I actually replied to one
that said "complete misanthrope seeks similar for crap nights in and really dull nights out. Romance guarenteed not to happen."

He turned out to be an absolute scream and we had a really good date.

That, I'm sure you'll agree, was a great story.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 19:57, Reply)

This one has to be picked!
It's what QOTW is all about.

PS. Screw the 40-word limit. Let us pour our hearts out.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 15:04, Reply)

yes!
clicks like a motherfucker
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Meh
I am a spacker.
I can't fit in forty words.
Length? It's a long one.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:23, Reply)

What 40 word limit?

Oh, you mean in the real adverts, never knew that.
(Kip, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:17, Reply)