Fart Machine
Does anyone remember those remote controlled fart machines you could buy from Argos (or still can) where you have a speaker and a button to activate the device from afar? Well two of my 'friends' had smuggled the device into an RE lesson with a particularly animated and old-school teacher. One of my friends had the activation device and one friend had the speaker.

The teacher was going through the usual RE drivvel and no one was paying much attention - until a short, loud fart left the speaker much to the amusement of the class with the teacher getting slightly angry.

Now I remember that the machine had alternating frequencies and density. The second sound was about 10 seconds long and the volume was considerable. My friend was still laughing as the fart was varying in volume and frequency.

The teacher couldn't get his head around this and ordered the boy out of the room whilst the sound continued (he suspected nothing). What ensued was him shouting at the top of his voice about how outraged he was and that the boy should see a doctor about his bowel movements.

Completely worth it and I would suggest this trick to anyone forced to sit in a pointless lesson with an aged teacher.

Apologies for lack of theasarusian descriptions.
(Chojin doesn't know what day of the week it is, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:36, 2 replies)

Machine?
When I was at school there was no such things as fart machines, let alone anything like Jack Vale's famous 'Pooter'. (See Youtube ). That did not matter because a boy in our class did not need one. He got sent out several times for 'Making rude noises in class'.
(Mackeson_drinker, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 12:10, closed)

Chap I know went into a shop in Guidford to buy one of these.
Whilst buying it he made small talk with the chap running the shop who was Asian.
"Sell a lot of these" enquired my friend.
"Loads" says the shop keeper, "especially at Christmas".
"Why so many then?"
"I don't know mate, it's your festival".
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 18:23, closed)