What has happened to my bro? Why doesnt he care about his family anymore?
Sorry for the lack of funny in this post. But having checked B3ta for the first time after xmas it was quite amusing to see its about Siblings, as its really been on my mind a lot.

My family is very small but also rather distanced from each other. So having the whole family together is quite a rare occurance.

Just to get an idea of geography, I have grandparents who live about 2 hours away, an Aunty Uncle and Cousin who live 4 hours away. A younger brother who still lives at home with my parents, and an older brother who lives just 40 minutes away from my parents. Then there is me, who now lives in a totally different country.
Thats it, that is the entire family.

The problem I have is with the older brother. He married a few years ago and is now expecting his first child in the Spring.

We spent Christmas at my parents house. I flew over from Spain because to me Christmas is family time. My older brother and his wife showed their face for all of 2 hours on xmas day, had dinner, opened some presents and left again.

My Aunty and Uncle drove the 4 hours up on Boxing day, and then on the 27th we all went over to my Grandparents. To me, this was quite a significant trip as my grandfather unfortunately took rather ill this year and we were worried whether he would make it. But he's a great guy and doing really well for his age.

So where the hell was my older brother? Did he even make any effort to come back to see my aunty and uncle and my grandparents? Did he heck!

And heres quote of the Christmas which his wife said to me shortly after arriving "haha its funny, because it doesnt feel like you live in Spain, because everytime we come to your mums, youre here!"

Well that just goes to show everything doesnt it! The last time they even saw my mother was when I was last in the UK in October! They're 40 minutes drive! Its nothing!

Thing is, when he comes, they all act like everythings great and that theres nothing wrong. But I could just tell this year that they were only there because they felt they had to.

In their defence, my grandparents did tell them not to go, as they didnt want helen travelling so long in a car with her being pregnant. But that doesnt stop my brother going now does it?

Its just annoying, if I can go to the effort and expense of flying over for Christmas, then surely they can make an effort to sit in a car for 40 minutes to come and see everyone.

I actually extended my trip in the UK as I got a couple of extra days off work. And I said to them when they were there that I was staying longer and that meant we had time to do something. But apparantly they would be baby shopping and didnt have time. I saw my bro for just 2 hours over the whole of Christmas.

They also announced they wouldnt be coming on Christmas day next year at all as ti would be too awquard with the baby.

This isnt a sudden thing. They bought a house about 3 years ago. No one has even seen it. We've never been invited.

My older brother is the only person who hasnt been out to see me in Spain. I have some friends and other family members who have been out 3 times since I moved here 18 months ago. He hasnt even managed once. Its not money, they both have well paid jobs.

I just don't understand why he has no time for his family anymore. He'll regret it he really will. My younger brother has had enough of his excuses. He never spends any time with him.

I think what partly hurts, is that my younger brother is actually a step brother, yet we are so much closer now than me and my older brother. He never calls, never emails or anything. My younger brother has pretty much just written off my older brother.

Anyway if anyone got this far without getting bored. Then thanks for reading. Any comments appreciated. I'd understand it if we had actually had a big fall out over something, but we havn't.

Despite the fact I'm due to become an Uncle in March. I really dont feel particularly enthusiastic about it. Why should I be? He didnt care about me moving to Spain or show any support. So why should I be bothered about it? My brothers wife has already stated that she doesnt want to put him on an aeroplane until he's at least 5 years old! So I doubt I'll see anything of this child anyway.

Anyway rant over :) Sorry for lack of funny.
(Miggyman, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:06, 10 replies)

Hmmmm! *ponders*
Some people just aren't family orientated. I'm a little that way inclined myself although not as bad as your brother. If there's been no falling out and everyone is civil then this can be the only excuse I can think of.
( girlinthehole, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:11, closed)

Was he ever sound?
I hate to leap to my typically misogynist conclusions (no, I dont) but has his behaviour changed since getting hitched or involved with the missus?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:13, closed)

Yeah he used to be fine.
Just the last few years. It basically started just before he got married. The wedding was far more leaned to her side of the family than ours. We were just guests, whereas members of her family and his mates were actually important parts of the wedding. Infact a few of us were totally discluded from the reception meal completely!
(Miggyman, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:28, closed)

my husband's brother did this
as kids they used to be really close, but his wife soon put a stop to that. We didn't even get an invite to his son's 18th.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:30, closed)

Pussywhipped.

They can be cunts of things.

And awesome excellent also.

But, some of them....
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:32, closed)

so either he never really liked his clan or he's pussywhupped
any reason for him to harbbour resentment towards you?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:47, closed)

Seems familiar
I have a similar thing with my brother - I suspect your brother thinks (or is told to think) that he has a new family now and the old one is to be left behind. The best bet is to move on - he may only be 40 minutes away from your parents but it's the attitude that creates the distance.
(johnson, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:50, closed)

not
necessarily. I am married and live about 15 minutes drive from my mother and 20 from my brother, but tend not to see my brother that often, simply because he pisses me off.

My wife is always telling me to ring him, speak to him etc, but I just cant be fucking chewed.

So basically what I am saying is that both of your brothers probably just think you are wankers.
(Commander Cool, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 12:22, closed)

LOL
Thats commander cool. You make me feel a lot better :)
If you did see your brother, would you act like his best mate tho?
(Miggyman, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 12:32, closed)

It sounds like the wife!
I hate to say this, being a wife myself, but it does sound like the wife may be affecting your brother's behaviour. If this is the case, there is not much you can do. And as their marriage progresses he will probably become even more entrenched in this way of behaving. My advice is to let him go. Once you do that, you will stop being so upset by his actions. At least your family still has the love of yourself and your younger brother and that's a good thing.
(Woofie, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 15:23, closed)