on the subject of the special school
related insult, the local burton school was on Bitham lane, hence the term 'you Bitham' which was generally said while sticking your tongue under your bottom lip and tapping the bulge with your hand
(magictorch, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 14:22, Reply)

Fair Enough
Good synonyms a la hairy muff include

Jizz = Cheers
Cunt say furier than twat = Can't say fairer than that (my favourite)

Any others?
(Butler, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 14:18, Reply)

Another...
...just remembered one which I coined, and my daughter started using at school and it caught on!

We used to play 'Mastermind' that game with the coloured pegs. Whenever I thought that I had cracked the code, I'd say to her "Knock it down! (pronounced Daahn)" referring to the little plastic shield covering up the pegs. We started using this whenever we'd done something good, like getting an answer right on University Challange say.
(Che Grimsdale More fridge-magnet than babe-magnet, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 14:17, Reply)

a couple more...
Shandshrew hairy crotch = Thankyou very much.
Hairy muff = fair enough.
Spade work/spading = trying to pick up a chick.
Tuning = " "
Cock block = when you see a hot chick u want to spade, only to find another guy is already there before you. Hence, he is a cock block.
"Good from afar but far from good", when a chick looks good from far away, but when you get up close reality closes in....
DSLs = Dick Sucking Lips (think angelina jolie)
"Wanna earn a dollar while you’re down there?" = a great line suggesting a blowjob. best used when one of your mates drops something on the floor near you...

Oh, and a good "ski" or "o'vich" on the end of words never hurts.
"hey reece-o'vich, bring over a brew-ski"
(woobwoob, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 14:01, Reply)

Something old, something new...
A couple we used when I was a lad in North London:

In reply to almost anything, and using a variety of voices was "Tah!" a version of the american "Der!", but long before it came to prominance. We also used to say "Tish tish" if something went wrong, I believe it came from Faulty Towers.

One that I've been trying to get accepted for years is "an eighteen wheeler" to mean a really large pooh, as in "Phew, that was a real eighteen wheeler, I wouldn't go to the bog for a while". The term comes from the world of articulated lorries, and I think I first heard it in the film 'Convoy'.

My favouriter insult as a lad was "Dick breath", closely followed by "shit for brains"

Now (alas) I work in financial services, and a recent version of the 'one bottle short of a full crate' type thing was "He's a couple of percentage points short of the base rate"
(Che Grimsdale More fridge-magnet than babe-magnet, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 14:00, Reply)

My favourites are
heng (awful smell), as in 'f*ck me it hengs in here', and 'bent as a bottle of crisps/softpack Marlboro'.
(whydobirdssuddenlyappear, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:59, Reply)

Language of the borders
many weird and wonderful ones from my 'hood (welshpool, mid wales)

Rucks - Lots, many.

Grid - Face ie. "nice cans but she's got a grid like a chainsaw"

Cans - breasts

Glimmers - eyes

Chav - bloke

Mort - girl

Sperm deflectors - ladies parts

Cuz - as in "Allright cuz?" common greeting between locals, probably derived from the fact that most people with long family history in the area are related.

Diddycoy - Pikey

Napper - Head

Mill - punch ie "Watch it cuz, he'll mill ya!"

I know - commonly used as an exclamation at the end of a sentence "It's bloody freezing out there, I know"

Plank - Idiot

Dimlow - Idiot (personal favourite)

Plemster - Face as in "he's got a raspberry plemster" (very red face)

Dial - Face, as in "he's got a cherry-pie dial" (see above)

Tidy Biscuits - most excellent

Mon - mate (pronounced "mohn")
(cherrypiedial, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:59, Reply)

Going for/ having a number 3
as in going to the lavatory to or engaged in the act of having a wank.
(doctor sideburns, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:58, Reply)

slang
"Couldn't punch frogs no uglier" brummy phrase for just about as foul looking as you can get, also describes a dirty look.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:57, Reply)

Babazamoolars
My 6yr old cousin has started talking about womens breasts and apparently, word in the playground is that babazamoolars, is THE word to say....

Apparently
( theWooinator, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:55, Reply)

nice one...
(BBC e-cyclopaedia entry)

but they forgot CUNTED!
I wonder why......?
(doctor sideburns, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:54, Reply)

Spatchlier....
Ambulance/Emergency services..

As in "Call an ambliance, with a spatchlier to take me to the hopsital"...

- ahem, back to work I think..
( Toma_o, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:52, Reply)

Pearl
Pearl Harbour = Cold
(i.e. a nasty nip in the air)

Classic
(Butler, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:51, Reply)

here are 141 words for drunk from the BBC
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1883481.stm

the entire e-cyclopedia is full of modern weirdness, actually. far more than I could ever come up with.

the BBC is cool.
( zog knees! knees! nuh nuh nuh nuh knees!, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:51, Reply)

Wankbank
part of your memory where you store mental images of attractive ladies for later use during onanism. eg - "Phwoar, look at the charlies on that".

"Indeed - another one for the wankbank, I think".

Also, poodunnit. When a shared/communal lavatory either stinks of shit or is inhabited by a particularly stubborn floater, but no one is prepared to own up to it.
(JamScones, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:44, Reply)

Orange juice = Simpson
Orange Juice Simpson
(Moo Lefty Drinking From His Own Udders since, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:39, Reply)

a huftie
Comes from a mate who never asked you for
anything but instead demanded it by saying:

'you huftie (scotchland for have to) take me up the street', 'you huftie give me some crisps', 'you huftie stop hitting me with that stick' and so on.

So a huftie is someone who demands something from you rather than asking.
(cort16, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:38, Reply)

A few family numbers...
"Put your knickers on." used to ask someone to make a cup of tea. (From the Fast Show sketch with tough, uncompromising cop 'Monkfish' - who said to a rape victim "Stop crying, put your knickers on and go make us a cup of tea")

"Jive mags", i.e. magazines which encourage a spot of Hand Jiving.

"Sweet Zombie Jesus!" straight from Futurama.
(incrediblemonkeydoctor www.rantatsomeone.com - go on, have a rant, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:37, Reply)

We had our own version of Botleys.
It was Codys, after the Samuel Cody school for the special kids, which was behind our school.

The good people of Derby have an incredibly irritating habit of saying "me duck" (pronounced "mi dook") at the end of a sentence. For example, "Have you got the time, me duck?"
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:33, Reply)

Authentic
Said same girlfriend (see 'informal' post) works with a lot of authentic scientists and engineers. They have a kind of dress code, if you hadn't noticed.
Trousers to be worn half mast, spectacles (mandatory) should be smudgy. Tank tops and bad xmas pullovers should be the Authentic Scientist's principal means of insulation, and hair should be side parted.
On no account should he (or she) show any tendencies towards social skills, and should preferably live with their parents.

Thus 'Authentic' is now a deogatory term for any adult spod, science type, nerd, geek or maths lecturer, or anyone who looks the part.

apols for length, but it neded the explanation.
(doctor sideburns, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:30, Reply)

Informal
First coined by my girlfriend after making an omlette that turned out to be a complete disaster. She claimed to have made an 'Informal Omlette', but it looked like burned scrambled eggs to me.

Informal now means a complete cock-up, a mess, tits up, etc.

(Not to be confused with 'Informer', the early 90's hip/trip-hop record by one-hit-wonder SNOW.
Ask yer dad....)
(doctor sideburns, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:22, Reply)

No muff too tough....
We use " furry muf " instead of 'Fair enough' - especially when used in meetings you cansee the expression on their face when they aren't too sure if they heard correctly
(Flawed, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:22, Reply)

Queer Hawk
My flatmates most used insult. Queer Hawk.

Get a lift off Joe. Joe Baxi. Taxi.

'Shite Track' - A track a DJ can play that is long enough to allow him time to 'drop the kids off at the pool', maybes get a pint, and chat to the 'barmaids'.
'Barmaids' - Lovely ladies who hate the place they work in, yet drink there when not working.
( The Lurker played a blinder, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:21, Reply)

'Chicken Tonight' = Shite
As in, after 10 pints and a curry, "How are you feeling this morning?". I'm feeling a bit 'chicken' actually.
( Farmfoodsman, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 13:16, Reply)

Botleys
We had botleys too. Used like "he's a bit botley"
( jsut peopel, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:57, Reply)

One of my favourites
My geordie mate Burko once said to me
"It's a bit George and Andy in here like!"
i had no idea what he was on about, then he said
"Wham!...George and Andy, bit waaaarm like"

good lad Burko.
( mushybees, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:55, Reply)

oh oh
my mate once came out with 'she's got an arse like a 12 year old boy' and also 'arse like a marble statue'
(meatatarian!, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:54, Reply)

how about
in N.Ireland, local terrorists who run drugs, extortion etc. and who effectively run the areas they live in are known as 'community leaders' or 'local community representatives'.ah the irony..most people call them 'wankers'.
(meatatarian!, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:52, Reply)

Laugh? I nearly did....
We used to say something was as funny as an orphanage on fire

Also, the mentally handicapped were Botley's due to a special school in the area
(_earwaxuk_, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:50, Reply)

One of many slang sayings.......
Bag of Smashed Crabs - Ugly.....

Usage - "Oi mate, she has a face like a bag of smashed crabs"

Nice work! :o)
(loony_toonz, Tue 3 Feb 2004, 12:50, Reply)