The Winkers Song (misprint) by Ivor Biggun
There's a guy I used to know called Simon. I didn't know him very well, a friend of a friend when we were all about 16.

One night, when staying over with a friend, said friend caught Simon having a wank while lying on the floor next to his bed. Not only that, but said friend whipped off Simon's blanket and saw his very small penis. Being a kind, considerate teenage lad, the friend didn't mention this incident to anyone at all, for fear of embarrassing his friend. Yeah, right.

One Saturday night we were all at the Maquee to see some band, the DJ used to play songs between groups and one he was sure to play was Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars. Sure enough, on it came, and as it reached the first chorus, twenty young lads joined in, jumping up and down and pointing at Simon:

"He's a wanker, he's a wanker,
And it does him good like it bloody well should,
He's a wanker, he's a wanker,
And he's always pulling his hood."

Kids can be cruel, teenagers can be worse. It makes me cringe inside to think what that must have done to that harmless bloke. Let alone the feelings that must course through him should he ever hear that particular piece of music again.

Sorry Simon.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:53, 4 replies)

Oh christ
I've got that stuck in my head now... 26 years old and it still makes me giggle like a teenager.
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 14:58, closed)

It's pulling one's *pud*,
isn't it?

When I first heard that I didn't know what it meant!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 15:23, closed)

You're Right
Che is wrong.

It's pudd, not hood.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 2:12, closed)

I'm sure you're both right
but at the time I thought it was hood, so hood it shall remain.

'Pulling my pud' must be a northern expression - we didn't have black pudding down south.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 9:02, closed)