Gravity and friend get the munchies...
Just remembered another one...

A mate of mine (lets call him D) turning 19, 'S' hosts him a a couple of others at his house to just get completely slaughtered. However we can't find any open off-licenses, so we decide on a back-up plan to drink shedloads of Kick (for those who don't know, it's like red bull, but slightly stronger and it comes in litres from tesco), so D and R go to get the kick, me and S head back towards his house, but on the way we decide to try the nearby costcutter, JACKPOT!! So we buy copious amounts of alcohol, and we meet up with D and R, and now we have about 12 bottles of kick to top off the alcohol...commence drinkage!

Several homemade snakebites later, after S passing out for a bit and P has turned up, some of the others decide to watch Harold and Kumar get the munchies, and about 5-10 minutes in me and S decide we're desperate for some kinda takeaway, so off we go (it's about 2am) walking through the whole of new cross we can't find ANY open at all! So we decided that if we weren't gonna get some food we were gonna bring back some trophies, this amoutned to 3 glasses we found in the street, one of those red and white fencing barriers used for roadworks and part of a coat rail from outside the albany, dragged it all for a quarter of a mile back to his road, where after some obligatory pictures we left the barrier in the middle of brookmill road, and just watched the cars having to come back inside the speed limit to get past it (ho ho) can't remember what became of the glasses or the coat rail, but we didn't sleep that night so now it's monday, S has to go to work with a mangling hangover, P goes home and me D ans R go up to the nearby park after a bacon sandwich at...(it gets a bit boring there) however considering we started drinking sunday evening, on tuesday afternoon I still had a kind adraggy hangover during my driving lesson, and althoguh I wasn't screwing up, and my instructor said my driving was improving, I didn't feel confident behind the wheel.

So the upshot is that I learnt not to drink drive the easy way!

Penis
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sat 15 Apr 2006, 16:08, Reply)

not trying to be funny...

All the stories about getting drunk and wrecking someone else's house just don't ring true.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 16:06, Reply)

Funnily enough
It was my 18th last week, and I had a bit of a shindig. Thankfully, none of you house wrecking bastards were there, so pretty much everything remained intact. Although the later half of the evening is completely obliterated from my memory, I am reliably informed I spanked one of my best (female) friends, over my knee, and simulated intercourse with her. Oh happy days.

Edit: Oh dear, "simulated", how dull it sounds compared to these other tales of debauchery. If it helps, I did shag my (now ex) girlfriend in a friend's bathroom during a party, would have got away with it too, were it not for those pesky footprints in the bath and handprints on the mirror.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 15:50, Reply)

Happy Thursday 2days ago
(ok not exactly back in the day but i am 18!) an excuse for everyone to gather at the local during the week.
My poison was 2 bottles of wine and 2 pints. Played drinking games etc..Cant remember leaving the pub,walking back with my fella to his house,stopping in an alley way for some fornication,hopping a fence and cutting a huge part of my toe off. I do however remember waking up and his nan giving me toast and tea.

Tip. Dont embark on pre-marital relations in a conservatory.Nan may want to let dog out at some point, causing body dives onto the floor.
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 15:18, Reply)

We were fifteen
Screaming at one another how much we wanted to fuck one another very graphically and calling one another cunts at the top of our voices we were having a whale of a time. I was fooled into drinking Appletiser (no alcohol, just fuck loads of sugar) with green paintbrush water in it, to which I responded with a flurry of cursing and threw a frisbee at someone.

That someone was a five year old in the middle of a packed public park at about 2PM during the summer holidays.

I didn't snog anyone. I didn't throw up. But I left faster than sound.

And I didn't get my frisbee back! Thiefs!
(One Man Squadron, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 15:06, Reply)

roaming parties
were mostly our thing when I were a college lad.

We used to down vast quantities of el cheapo lager from the offy near my mates house where he could get served and wander around torquay en masse.

The most memorable one was when we were so sick of the taste of the lager that we were throwing it at each other. We ended up playing rugby on the local bowling green with a 2ltr bottle.

When I woke up, my cream-coloured jeans were covered in green smears and wrecked, so I went to the nearest clothes shop, which was a hippy shop, and brought myself an outfit so outrageous that kids stopped and laughed ( I kid you not) as I walked by.

good times.
(teasus likes tea, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 14:13, Reply)

why is ther always a girl called Sarah
who'll snog anybody at these parties? It's a common thread through some of these stories and my own (fairly unremarkable) experience.
(teasus likes tea, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 14:08, Reply)

Not much good story material...
Ok it wasn't really a party, but 4 litres of strongbow and a can of fosters later and no vomit of any kind, yay me!

Anybody here ever drank "the bucket" (thai whisky/rum, thai red bull, coke and ice) well I was hammered on that, quite the anaesthetic...some of my mates broke a wooden tray on my head, then later they taped the 2 ends together and one of the stronger ones smashed me round the side of the face with it...all with my consent!

Often at these kinda parties I was the bringer of tequila, after one binge I woke up in the basement with a guitar in my hands, not knowing the time and not being very aware that I'd fallen asleep in the first place! Went upstairs, turns out I'd passed out for 4 hours and pretty much everybody was gone! I felt kinda robbed...

Length? Don't talk to me about LENGTH!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sat 15 Apr 2006, 14:02, Reply)

One of my very good friends a chap named ninja held the party to end all parties
It started with about 9 gallons of snake bite and a table covered in varios bottle of spirits and the inevitable everything cocktail. A few high-lights if the night were a pissed nothern bloke with a head covered in blood(from dry bicing it)convincing a riot van of police that everything was fine and we would quieten down, deep friend frozen gateau, two doors with hole in and a third off its hinges, the bath twisted off the wall and on its side, about and inch thick layer of purple vom on the bathroom floor. There were the usual crying girls and fighting guys but without a doubt the high point for me was my friend big hairy Ian, a chap known for his ability to consume vast amounts of alcohol and his bet with the previously mention northerner that he would drink 2, litre bottles of whisky before the night was over. He necked one as he turned up and then procced to drink with everyone else through until about 3ish when he was reminded of his bet. For most of us it was the first time we had seen him any the worse for wear and all the sweeter that he was an idiot drunk. Singing songs to his bottle of whisky and then doing the whisky's voice as it sang back to him. He also broke someones nose by accident when he shoved a frozen gateau in their face but still it was funny because it wasn't me. All that went to it are eager for ninja to host another but thanks to the £2000 damages it is unlikely.
( Fish, My keyboard has dsylexia built in., Sat 15 Apr 2006, 13:56, Reply)

The hatefulness of drunken whistles
House drinking session, spur of the moment.
Fairly typical up to the point when the group got bored and decided to form the Roaming Midnight Pennywhistle Orchestra. To this end everyone issued themselves with a pennywhistle from my extensive collection (sad) all in different keys. Nodody could play. It didn't seem to matter. Much entertainment was had by pretending to be car alarms and taking turns running up and down the road experimenting with the doppler effect. The noise was hideous. I know now that this was wrong and bad.
(scuttlefish is drifting into the arena of the unwell, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 13:38, Reply)

Hmm...
It's amazing how many people will freely admit to having been complete and utter shitheads.

I went to teenage parties (when a teenager - now I don't get invited to many). Some were cool. Most were pretty dull. I've been wasted and I've puked my guts out. Funnily enough though, I've never intentionally destroyed homes, duped friends/acquaintances into drinking more than they can take, or taken advantage of people while they were incapacitated. Strangely, I always thought that doing stuff like that would make me some kind of twat.

Suppose I must have been wrong then.
(cface run. Run, face, run!, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 13:24, Reply)

scouts>school
another time at a scout camp, we were all sitting around in our marquee, drinking lager and passing a joint. being young i never realy knew when to stop so i continued until i was really hammered.

feeling a bit ill i went to the nearest toilet and locked myself in a cubicle and spent a good hour trying to focus on something and not pass out, during this time my mate who wasn't a scout and hadn't been camping with us before, came and asked me where he could go for a joint without anyone seeing him.

like i already said, i was there a while and had sat down as i think i had a theory that taking a dump might alleviate sickness. unfortunately, it didn't and i threw up all over the floor and into my pants.

i then had to go back to the marquee and changed my pants in front of several other people, falling over and displaying my manhood in the process.

the next morning my pants were still on the grass outside and my mate had disappeared. turned out he'd rung his dad and gone home because he was too cold.

good times.
(ferret joe fun to have in your trousers, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 12:05, Reply)

Fathers for justice
Aah, the sweet memories!

While at art college in London, my mates and I have organised quite a few parties (made the invites and everything), but invariably the turnout isn't great. Maybe we should stop putting 'bring your own drinks' on the invites...

In any case, much was our suprise when one night, after a pretty cool SU night, we returned home after a few hours of drunken antics around halls of residence - setting fire to trolleys, that kind of thing - to find our house (flat above some shops), full to the brim with people. Turns out one of our mates had let them in, and a full blown party has ensued - there was even a DJ (who had found my decks and was cracking out some tunes), and someone had appointed themselves bouncer! We wandered around in a daze for a bit, then got stuck in.

The highlight of the evening was when a very drunk irish friend of mine decided to wear ALL of my clothes (about 6 pairs of trousers, all my t shirts and jackets, 2 pairs of hats and a crash helmet), found a mountain board (like a skateboard but with huge wheels) and was bombing around the dancerfloor in it. He then climbed up a radiator, onto a set of shelves and was shouting "Fathers for Justice!". What a night...

Not so much lenght, as girth :P
(fox_handybread, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 11:51, Reply)

Close encounters
We lived with a guy at uni in the first year who was... detached from reality. He was like an alien really tying but failing to impersonate human behaviour. Because of this, it was really really easy to wind him up.

Let’s call him John. Anyway, as a house (which he was unfortunately part of) we decided to go for some drinks. Me and Rob went to the bar. Rob had been a bully at school, and you can tell he had been very good at it. He ordered 5 double waters and a double vodka. The genius. The barman complied, and we made sure John got the fake water.

This continued around the table, each person getting in their generous round of 1 double shot and 5 fakes. When it came to John’s round, we decided to have lagers rather than shots. After these, John was lying face down on the table, not saying much. Remember, he’s an alien therefore not used to alcohol. Without warning, he looked up at us all, and did his best exorcist impersonation; head spinning around and vomit going everywhere.

Security said we had to take him home. They didn’t believe us that we had no idea who he was and that he wasn’t OUR friend.

We carried him home. Well, almost. About 10m from the front door Rob let go of him and proclaimed “Last one in the house is a big gayer”. We all ran into the house, and watched John sway about, finally finding some balance, and running as fast as he could (not very fast) into the wall 1 metre to the left of our front door.

Anyway, we got him to his room. Wrote a girl’s mobile number on his mirror, and had a ratch around. We found loads of instructions his parents (or alien commanders) had written him on how to live. These seriously included how to make toast (1. Put bread under grill. 2. Grill until toasted. 3. Butter and serve). We covered him in shaving foam, replaced all the paper money in his wallet with equivalent fakes printed on a crap PCworld free Epson thing (which the idiot actually tried to spend), and left him to it. But not before Rob told him he was burning up, and was going to let some air in. Rob cracked the hugest guff off in his face.

He didn’t wake up until 5 the next evening. Actually, that’s a lie, he fell down the stairs trying to get to the toilet at about 4am and knocked himself out. The only guilt I feel is when I consider I may have damaged our relations with an alien race.
(Jaffa The Cake, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 11:38, Reply)

Rejected
My mate lives with his Gran and Grandad and he's a bit of a mentalist* so when they went away he invited everyone to a house party.

A few weeks prior to the party this girl that I was madly in love with had got pissed, taken advantage of my caring nature and nearly raped me. Being the Gent I had a bit of a barney with her due to the fact she admitted she still loved her ex and I was just being used. She apologised a few days later and everything was hunky dory.

The party came around and everyone is drinking ridiculous amounts and taking loads of drugs. I start to feel a little sick so I decide to head to the toilet. I empty the contents of my stomach and start to clean myself up when the girl I am passionatly in love with walks in. I'm pissed - fuck it! Let's try and get some love. We start chatting and are having quite a coherent convo and i'm trying it on using my best lines until she turns around and says "Don't worry, i'm not going to get off with you". Missed the point entirely, love....

There have been other parties at this lads house quite recently which have involved my best mate leaving at daft o'clock at night because when me and my girlfriend were fucking we made too much noise and he couldn't get to sleep. We found him at half 5 in the morning, with a carrier bag full of drink playing on the bandits at the local service station. Why did the security guards let him get away with it? He works there!

*We were planning to have another party when they went away last summer but he told his Auntie that he was planning to kill himself and his Gran and Grandad thought it was best he went away with them.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 11:07, Reply)

Not my story but funny nonetheless
A friend of mine from Newcastle (AU) is a bit of a shitbag when drunk and does some horrible things. Horribly AMUSING. To whit, from an MSN conversation:

(Blunt) i used to love parties in highschool.
(Blunt) go to a house, drink 2 long necks, break said house, see some teenage boobs, go home
(Blunt) best one was where i invented Beer Lotto
(Blunt) Dryer + beer bottles + somebody elses house
(Blunt) turn dryer on and shout numbers out whilst throwing more beer bottles at the machine
(Blunt) or there was the take 4 litre ice cream out of freezer, cut the ice cream out and dig a hole in the bottom, shit in hole, replace ice cream
(Blunt) so they'd be eating that for a few days before striking the prize
(Blunt) I only did it once. it was too much work. shitting in the top part of other peoples toilets was a lot easier
(Blunt) plus you sometimes got to see results when some angry cunt would be rampaging through the house going "WHO SHAT IN THE TOILET?"
(Tallywhacker the aussie spacker, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 9:47, Reply)

Anne Kirkbride's House
I was at home watching MTV's 'Cribs' last year and it just happened to be an episode featuring the 'crib' of Anne Kirkbride (Dierdre Rachid/Barlow) from Coronation Street.

She had a 2 bedroom bungalow in Salford and it was sweet. The show opened with her walking through her porch talking to camera "hey y'all, this is my porch right here! This is my PORCH! Y'all know what I'm saying?!"

She moved on into her spacious lounge where she had one of those fold out tables. Anne grinned a smug grin and winked at the camera "now this is what I'M talkin' 'bout! This table right here folds OUT. It's real small but when you got your homies round alls you got' do is extend this motherfucker! I had Ken Barlow, Betty Turpin, Emily Bishop and Les Battersby sat round this bitch last night man!"

Anne's kitchen was the most impressive room in the house. It had one of those combined washer/dryers. Anne appeared in front of camera wearing a bandana and a pair of shades and declared "Damn! Some fools out there, they got a washing machine AND tumble dryer! That's some crazy ass shit right there! "

Upstairs we went to be greeted by Anne's fold-out futon "This is where I like to chill. I'll kick back and watch my DVD's on my home cinema system" Anne walked over to her 14" black and white tv and gave it an affectionate pat "This wouldn' be my crib without my plasma screen y'all!"

We were in the bathroom next. Anne stood proudly next to her bath and pointed at her bath chair "I got this right here off Thora Hurd. Now I get lowered into my bath at my own pace, damn straight!"

And with that, Anne booted the MTV team out of her house and the show was over.

Oh, and then I went round there and there was a great party going on with chocolate fingers and student's being sick and wacky and so on.
(Andrew Avetoom, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 9:39, Reply)

It was all mummy and daddys fault
At the age of 15, the biggest geek in our school (he was 2 years above my peers and I), "Ben" - for that was his name etc... made the big mistake of telling one of his geeklings (his only "friends" were in the same year as me) - that his parents were going way for the weekend and he had the house to himself.
Well, one if the geeklings decided he'd try to promote himself in the coolness division by inviting loads of people to a party at Ben's house... a party that Ben didn't know about.
To cut a very well girthed story short, a load of us turned up (much to the unexpecting hosts horror) and our behaviour worsened as we first drank what we'd bought with us, followed by what was in the drinks cabinet.
Things may not have progressed to the levels they did if we hadn't found the note left in the kitchen for poor Ben signed... "love from mummy, -- daddy and i will miss you so much this weekend xxx"
By now our host was hiding behind the couch in his lounge quietly sobbing, so by the time it was discovered that his bedroom walls were covered in "fame" (the cheesy TV series) posters, he was considered to be so gay he was fair game.
It all got out of hand really and some people who I had previously considered to be pretty sensible ended up doing some mad shit. All the eggs were taken from the fridge and the fame posters were the first targets, followed by the beds and bedroom ceilings (the beds were done by stealth, carefully unmade, egg smashed in the middle, then remade).
Apart from chucking an egg at a poster of that curly haired keyboard-playing twat from fame, the only bad thing I did was bury lots of little scoops of butter in the huge tub of vanilla ice-cream they had in the freezer (ffs - they were exactly the same colour, how could I not?).
It was all pretty evil stuff really but at 17 the guy should've had more balls and ran off to his neighbour earlier, cos the big rugby-player type bloke from over the road turfed all of us 15 year olds out quick-sharp, albeit a bit late, the place was a mess by then.
Although there was no structural damage done and no thefts (apart from the alcohol), Ben's poor family must have been suffering the fallout of that night for a while, what with the frozen fish-bits that were hidden about the place and suchlike.
By far the funniest moment of the evening was my mate Sime, after rummaging in the cupboard under the sink he emerged with a huge box of washing-powder and a big bottle of washing up liquid, then with a completely straight face he stood in the middle of the bomb-site of a kitchen and while doing a series of 360 degree spins scattering shed-loads of persil powder and squirting half a bottle of fairy-liquid as he rotated, he declared at the top of his voice "We've gotta clean this place up!" It was priceless.
If you're a b3tan Ben and you read this, sorry about the ice cream.
( Twizla ...a shrew living on the edge of a bog, extinct on, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 7:49, Reply)

Aaah so many
One thing that became a fairly regular theme at our student house parties was a drinking game by the name of 'Touch The Cup' - this involved attempting to flip a coin into a cup in the centre of the table, in which had been poured some of everyone's drink. If you got the coin in I think you got to nominate someone to drink all their drink, if you failed I think you had to drink the contents of the dirty cup. I can't remember what else happened but it always resulted in one person getting absolutely fucked.

This one time the victim was a tall Nathan Barley type, who perhaps as an act of revenge then proceeded to completely redecorate our bathroom in vomit. Covered the entire floor, and half the walls. Making matters worse, he attempted to clean this up using my towel - by using it to scoop up as much of his lumpy expulsion as he could before collapsing somewhere.

Everyone was too drunk to deal with it by this point, so people just pissed in the garden and eventually went to sleep.

Now, our bathroom was very small, and had poor ventilation, this meant that by morning the stench within the room had become somewhat unbarable, and no one dared go in to clean it up.

For the next... maybe four weeks, we all had to hold our breath whilst jumping over the vomit and dashing to the safety of the closed off shower cubicle, and then take a very quick shower whilst holding your breath before retreating back to the safety of the hallway. Yes. Vomit left in our bathroom for at least FOUR weeks.

Eventually I gave in and managed to vacuum the now dried-up vomit.

Students eh?
(thing in a jar prepare the mindbeam!, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 7:44, Reply)

Misty watercolour memories of hairy bikers
It's cause for concern when you show up at a party where there are bikers. It's cause for panic when you're 15, blonde, dewy, and not blessed with good judgement.

What to do to avoid being featured on the news and having Jodie Foster win an Oscar playing me in a movie? Well, clearly I can't leave, because that would be the sensible thing. Fortunately, I brought my lucky purse.

I went over to the table where the biggest and hairiest were har-haring away, and spoke with a nearby iguana. "Gentlemen," I then address the group, "this reptile is dying of loneliness." I produced a green plastic lizard and placed it in the terrarium, advising the iguana gently that this was his wife and he needn't be lonely anymore. I then pulled out a small Bible and solemnised the union.

One of them tentatively tried to talk with me after that. I produced a small cheap toy pistol. "I brought down 17 of 'em down with this in the 'Nam," I said in my best gravelly American accent. "Don't think I won't do it again." He blinked for a while and then decided it wasn't worth it.

Result: saved virginity for another three months. W00t!
(socialised_medicine quietly returns to Saskatchewan for Lurkfest 2007, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 6:22, Reply)

NORMIL and lots of unanswered mysteries
the normil parties are throw by guys on campus trying to get the wacky-tobbacy legalized. by this reason alone they throw some crazy parties. I'm not a pot smoker, but i won't say no to a drink. The first time i'd shown up to one of these parties i was dumped by my girlfriend the morning of and needed to forget my problems for a while.

it didn't take long for me to forget everything. I don't like to boast about my tolerance, but it ain't very good. i had about three jello shots, two beers, and a handfull of vodka shots and i was obliterated.

i remember the guy who owned the house. he's an original hippie from woodstock, and he was wearing a tie-dye shirt playing some oasis songs, terribly. the thing that was most interesting about him was the fact that he didn't trust pot dealers, so he grew his own. this alone wouldn't impress anybody, except that he was growing it in his own hair, on his head.

everything after that has been erased from my memory. the morning after consisted of me looking thru the memory on my digital camera and being very confused, and having my roommate tell me that sarah thinks i'm a better kisser than my buddy juan.

i never found out who sarah was.
(Baron von Aaron CHARGE!, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 6:18, Reply)

essential ingredients for a teenage party....
well, what can i say. i'm a bit of an expert in this discussion at this stage of my life... there are too many different ones to pick the best story but these are some of the highlights (or lowlights as some would say)
-lots of alcohol clearly (beer for boys, vodka, and those little smirnoff double blacks which somehow get anyone trashed)
-parents away=disaster, but more fun as people break towel rails, invite all their friends and start fights
-a huge dance floor where once drunk any move is acceptable
-a few drunk people hooking up in the corner, obviously from completely different social groups and yet to be embarrassed by their actions (i fit into this category for my first kiss, hahaha.)
-a group of people hanging out round hte toilet, stating that NO you cannot go in- their 14 year old mate has just gotten off their face and will therefore be in there the whole night, obviously cant go home and face her parents
-a large group of wannabe gangstarrrs jumping people over nothing, inevitably leading to...
-the police coming at any stage between 10.30 and 1 oclock, hitting everyone with batons and then chasing you down the nearest side street. (and obviously putting any disagreeing folk int he paddy wagon). oh, tis a shame that the days of "look just go home and we wont do anything" have been ruined by bad teenage reactions
--and obviously, if the parents are there then none of this happens and everyone has a good time!
(aliceinwonderland, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 5:30, Reply)

A bit different...
My party piece is to turn water into funk.
(deljani riggweltered yer ma, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 2:36, Reply)

The Ol' Party at a Random's house...
I was suddenly informed one night that an acquaintance of mine was having a ‘small party’ because the ‘rents were away. Deciding that it might be fun I drove myself and 4 mates to the home of said host to find a little bit of noise emanating from the area.

Upon walking through his gates we were greeted by a scene of utter chaos, one guy appeared to have passed out in one of those upright pole washing circles and managed to vomit all over himself and the towels on the line, another guy was quite happily drinking vodka and singing in the hedge whilst his mate was throwing a football at his face. Inside the house was where the party really seemed to be at though.

The living room had been transformed into a stage of sorts with at least two drum kits at the back end, three bass guitars and copious guitars and amps to match, this was where the noise was coming from as three drunk, talentless teens tried in desperation to make some sort of a chord. Stepping out of the room I was greeted by a guy flying down the stairs on a door into the wall followed straight up by another on a mattress.

After managing to get to the kitchen I realised they were holding an indoor BBQ, not wanting to test it for myself I moved on to see the ‘extreme trike competition’ that was being held outside; the main part of which was seeing how far you could bunny hop from the table into the back hedge, that was until someone realised you could get onto the garage roof and jump from there, raising the stakes further was the man who jumped 30ft from a tree into the hedge, luckily missing his bollocks on a fence-post by centimetres.

The neighbours decided to make an appearance after the party got seriously rowdy but were quickly abused away and had bottles thrown at their windows until they were too scared to even phone the police. Best thing was I couldn’t even drink that night, I was driving!

Never been to a crazier party since, not even as a student!

No apologies for length/girth.
(Spongeblunt Indeed sire., Sat 15 Apr 2006, 2:19, Reply)

millenium night
oh yes its ominous from the title

well i was 17/18 and been caning it for a year and thinking I was the man basically

how wrong I was

Millenium night came along and my good friend Mike was doin the party round his (brave man considering the nights we'd had at his previously) so 3 of us decided to chuck our money together and get 2 crates of fosters in, now ok Fosters is piss, but 2 crates = 16 cans each between us 3, and we duly finished the lot. I was fucked!

All I remember was tryin to kiss everybody and getting slapped then saying Hi to somebody on the stairs then trying to go up for a piss, then fallin back and hitting my head. Apparantly I knocked myself out cold for 20 mins, motherfuckers were just stepping over me and not bothering to see if I was ok considering the amount of vomit leaking out of my mouth.

Then apparantly I jumped up out of nowhere and said "I know where there's another party better than this!" and like the pied piper, drunken fools followed me

I stopped by a kebabish and declared I wanted food first so we all decided to order, I ordered mine, and believe to this day it was a "Triple gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and extra chilli" that i ordered. Then i proceeded (without paying) to excuse myself and go outside and vomit for england, and lose the the ability to control my legs.

Well the Po Po were walkin by, they saw my juvenile ass and laughed and said to my mates in the kebabish "Who's responsible for this cunt?" to which 2 of my (still good) mates piped up. "Look lads get him home or we're banging him up for the night, oh and happy new year!"

So they left all food, i don't remember none of this

Alls i do remember is waking up in a pitch black room at 4am

"Where the fuck am I!" i shouted

"Your at home" shouted a voice out of the wilderness

"Warren that you!?"

"Yes it is!"#

"What the fuck you doin here, where am I?"

anotheer voice (a kinda mate dan) "Your mum let us all party and kip here!"

"So i missed the fun?"

"Yep!"

"Fuck............"

then pass out I do

and wake up to a bacon sandwich

I dont think I have ever been as fucked as millenium nite, apart from one time lately, which while come at a later date

apologies for...............nah fuck it
(ruffdiamond, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 1:46, Reply)

3am.
The party is dying down. All the beds are taken, so I find a comfy-looking pile of dirty laundry. Covering myself with a beach towel I fall asleep.

Ten minutes later, I am rudely awakened by a couple having sex on top of me.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 1:38, Reply)

age is everything
Used to have a fantastic mate called Rosie, and we were round her house having a few beers and a laugh. Anyway, a friend of mine was wankered out of his tree and had taken a real liking to Rosies dog Oscar.

He sat there with it for a very long time, chatting to it, feeding it salt and vinegar crisps (that dog was utterly addicted to crisps after that) and Fosters. Yep, that dog didn't half put it away that night, until Rosie noticed what was going on...

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? THE DOGS PISSED! LOOK, HE CAN'T EVEN WALK PROPERLY!"

"Nor can I!" He replies with a grin

"You could kill him!! You can't get dogs pissed!!"

"Well, he seemed to like it..."

"DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD HE IS???"

"err...?"

"ABOUT 75 IN DOG YEARS!!!"

And then he comes out with the best line I've ever heard. It's dead silent, everyone watching her going mental:

"Well, he's old enough to know better then, isnt he?"

I cried...
(jiggling_john Heres a fiver, you lads get yourself some chippies, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 0:57, Reply)

Ah well,
there was the one at that girl with the well 'ard family's house.

Her family turned up half way through in a pimped up corsa, accused everyone of smoking weed, then threw everybody out. Then invited everyone back in 10 minutes later.

Then there was the one where this person who likes attention attempted suicide about 4 times, and failed every fucking time. What a fucking failure.

Then there was the one where some well 'ard people came to try and trash this poor person's house. The police were called and they kicked everybody out. My friend was outside without her shoes, and the cunt officer of the law wouldn't let her get her shoes. She walked off and muttered "twat". About 3 coppers jumped on her and locked her in cells for the night.
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 0:32, Reply)

oops!
get this, rich mates house party loadsa booze, walked into parents bedroom and found his !!!mum's!!! porno stash, my mates older sister walked into the room to find me bashing away to the hardcore porno, i lost my virginity to her on her parents kingsize bed, only to have my mate greet me in the morning with "dirty cunt, in my parents bed and with my sister" i replied "sorry mate" to which he said "dont wory mate, i was givin that black dude head at the same time", wasent a suprise when he told us he was gay about a year later!!!
(dude2, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 0:09, Reply)

My first house party
It was thrown by the hoary denizens of the Btec popular music course at the college where I was studying A level music. They were the skanky rockers, we were the sheltered namby pambys. However, I hooked up with one of the rcokers and duly tagged along to a party to celebrate the success of the Musifest event and to spend the proceeds on as many Big Bags of Drugs as possible.

The night got off to a good start, the smoking room was the kitchen and there was a more relaxed atmos in the living room where we lounged on the futon watching (what else) Bad Taste. My boyfriend chucked what I believe is known as a 'whitey' and I took him outside to walk it off. He chucked then wandered back in to the toilet where he proceeded to spend the rest of the party - on the toilet with his trews round his ankles, willy visible at a jaunty angle for all to see. I decided to carry on partying.

5 am and all have collapsed apart from me, sitting in a doorway watching the sun come up, listening to the sound of a roaring fire...oh, that's not quite right is it? Turn round to see the kitchen table ablaze where the candle has ignited a pile of coats. Surprisingly quick thinking despite my state, I beat the flames out with one of the jackets, laughed maniacally as soon as it was over (you know when you laugh at innappropriate times?)

The guy whose jacket I put the fire out with was characteristically cool about it. 'Oh yeh, I was going to buy another one anyway'. Mind you, it was a shell suit jacket.

The last memory was waiting for a bus home from Ponefract bus depot thinking everyone was looking at me and that they KNEW i was a dirty drug-taker. Although I did probably reek of weed.
(Kazza , loathing myself so you don't have to, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 23:54, Reply)